I was downright infuriated by Lindsay Cross’ post in The Grindstone, Emotions at the Workplace:  Which Ones Are Allowed?

Lindsay came out and made these pronouncements about emotions at work:

• Happiness: Not Allowed.
• Triumphant: Allowed.
• Sadness: Only For Others.
• Anger: Allowed.
• Fear: Never.

Mind you, Lindsay is not a professor. Not an expert on emotions. Not a psychotherapist. Just an average (whatever that means) person. These are her opinions, although she tries to come off as somehow having some amazing life experience that qualifies her to tell others in the business world how to act.

So, in addition to being able to read my comments on the blog, I’ve also created a video to share my viewpoint.

What do YOU think about making some emotions “on” or “off” limits at work?

Emotionally yours,

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What did YOU do this summer?

Me, I went to a kind of “adult summer camp” on the Pacific Ocean at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California for 28 days to escape the confines of the virtual life. Living and working alone was killing my inspiration for Work from Within, and sapping my energy.

I opened my heart. I fed my body a dose of hard labor. And I was transformed.

Now, I am evolving a new, more vital and engaging vision for Work from Within.

Flash back to May, 2011. I was feeling extremely lonely and depressed. A dear friend pointed out something I really didn’t want to hear. He said, “I don’t know how you do it. I don’t think it’s healthy to live alone and work alone. That combination will sap your soul.”

Then he asked me an important question:  “What can you do to get a dose of community?”

He knew the answer I would give him. Immediately, I thought about the Esalen Institute, where he works. Sitting right on the Pacific Ocean, between San Francisco and Los Angeles, Esalen is sited on intensely rugged, gorgeous land, where the mountains practically kiss the ocean. For nearly 50 years, the Esalen Institute has been a hot spot for personal growth. Famous philosophers, psychotherapists, and teacher like Fritz Perls, Abraham Maslow, Ida Rolf, Aldous Huxley, and Alan Watts all lived, studied, and taught at Esalen. They ushered in an era where personal growth was encouraged and supported.

Amazingly, I have been blessed to have taught at Esalen (and I’ll be teaching a career transformation workshop there September 30 to October 2. You’re invited!) I love being a workshop leader at Esalen.

But from July 31 to August 28, I had a much, much tougher role. I decided to be a work scholar.

I agreed to work 32 hours a week. I was assigned to the kitchen. Not as a chef. Not even a sous chef. Nope. It was not glamorous work. I cut cucumbers and carrots. Sliced bread. Wiped down tables. Refilled coffee urns. And washed a ton of dishes, by hand. I mean a ton. Giant soup pots and massive bowls, all used to prepare 300 to 370 meals a seating. It wound up being the most physically demanding work I’ve ever done.

Additionally, I was mixing it up for 28 days with 23 other work scholars, ages 22 to 78, who like to dive deep in understanding themselves and others. After living alone for the past decade, I had three roommates in bunk bed space. I was worried about how I’d deal with others. Fortunately, no one snored. Everyone was friendly. And we didn’t have to cook our own food, so there were no sinks with dirty dishes to create frustrations. Mostly, we worked from 7 am until the early afternoon, took workshops, and arrived home around 10 pm to sleep and repeat the cycle again, with two days off per week.

When I wasn’t working, eating, or sleeping, I could take movement classes, soak in the hot tubs, take hikes, get a massage, take a nap on the lawn, volunteer on the garden, sit on the deck and talk to interesting people from all over the world, or find a spot and write in my journal. Interestingly, I had almost no interest in getting on my computer, even though the lodge has wi-fi 20 hours a day. No, I was much, much more interested in talking than typing. Why? I was in cultural heaven. Our group of 24 included men and women from Israel, Germany, Spain, Australia, and France. And in the extended staff, I met people from Canada, Japan, Korea, Argentina, England, Ireland, and Turkey. I love the multiculturalism of Esalen.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing some of the lessons that I learned. But let me start with the lesson that touches my heart most deeply in this moment:  To create truly meaningful community, I had to unplug and reach out to people, face-to-face, heart-to-heart.

Virtual connection just doesn’t fill me. Sure, it’s information, and it’s nice to visit Facebook and read my friends’ updates. But consuming too much Facebook, Twitter, and email forms an incomplete diet for me. No, I wasn’t a monk before being a work scholar. I did have a social life, but it was insufficient. And difficult to put together. It took a lot of effort to get friends together, especially in the San Francisco Bay Area, where everyone seems to be so darned busy. Bottom line:  I was simply spending too much time alone, plugged in to a virtual world on my computer, staring at the screen instead of looking into someone’s eyes.

Before my Esalen experience, I was starting to question whether I was actually an introvert, not the extrovert I sensed myself to be at heart. I now know — from all the conversations, all the times I easily created a bridge and introduced two people, all the times I practically ran across the lodge at meal time to listen to a friend describe the massage she’d just had — that I’m an extrovert, for sure.  The contact with other human beings has just got to be real. I need my daily quotient of hugs. I need to be able to see other people’s 3D facial expression. I need to be able to take a walk with a person, or touch their hand when they’re having a hard moment. Or give them a “high five” when they’re celebrating a victory.

I’m a touchy-feely kind of gal. I confess it. (That confession is especially for myself.)

And I’m a social, connection-loving, community-building kind of woman.

So, instead of doing my most of my work of helping people bring out their best at work via the all-too-impersonal telephone, I am hatching a plan to create in-person, super yummy, highly experiential, community-generating, personal growth events related to work. I envision salons. Not the kind where you get your hair and nails done. Salons where people gather under the roof of an inspiring host, partly to amuse one another and partly to refine taste and increase their knowledge of one another through conversation. The intention is to educate and enrich like-minded, like-hearted people. If you’re in the San Francisco Bay Area and would like to host a salon, contact me and let me know.

I will also be speaking, in really dynamic ways, using theatrical, improvisational approaches, partly inspired by the performances some of my fellow work scholars created under the direction of the ever-humorous writer and performer, Ann Randolph.

Hey, if you’re outside the San Francisco Bay Area, no worries! I will still do teleclasses and create eBooks and eCourses for you. But, more ideally, you’ll contact me and invite me to teach a workshop or offer a salon in your area. Then, I can meet you in person and shake your hand.

No, scratch that. I will meet you, but I’ll give you a hug. I need to be touched. And I bet you do, too…

QUESTION FOR YOU:  Am I right? Do you need to be touched? Let me know how you feel about living in a world that’s going more and more virtual…

Sending you a big hug,

PS – If you want a real, in-person hug from me, and tons of support for answering the question, “What’s next?” in your career, it’s time to get your butt (and the rest of you, especially your heart and guts) to the Esalen Institute retreat center in Big Sur, California, September 30 to October 2, 2011, for my workshop, “Crafting Careers That Truly Fit.” Will I see you there…?

In my last post, I told you about how one of my former clients, Ande Scheinker, went from being an event planner to a culinary explorer, and how she was entering her chocolate chip cookies in SF Food Wars’ Chocolate Cookie Situation, a bake-off of sorts.

Well, that bakeoff was last weekend at a local San Francisco bar, Mighty, and it was a delicious situation, if a bit overkill on the sugar! The event even had a Jersey Shore theme. Wild! Some people really got into it. Others, not so much.  Mostly, it meant a lot of gold chains, big hair, and cookies named after Snooki.

Each attendee received a plate and one vote for the ballot box, and a chance to taste something from each of the 20 participants. Just a few bites, and I was in chocolate overload.

Ande baked her famous cookies, and displayed them in high style, and dressed in a cute apron. To me, hers were the most “traditional” chocolate chip cookies, even if they had gourmet chocolate, yummy secret ingredients, and a divine texture. There were cookies topped with frosting, cookies filled with lavender ganache, something that looked like a disco Oreo, and even cookies shaped like the state of New Jersey. Crazy!

Ultimately, the winning cookies were Deez Nutz Are Hot!’s, chewy oatmeal cookies with chile, chocolate chips, and spiced pecans. And, alas, while I thought that prize should have gone to Ande, her big win was putting herself out there and sharing her work from within, the cookie baking she loves to do so much. And hey, she was included in a spread by Chow Magazine! That’s a huge win for a first time putting yourself in a public venue with your talent.

So, if you’ve got a talent you’re itching to share, find your venue. Get it out there. Have fun! Yum!

Thanks for inspiring others, Ande!

Mmmm,

Susan

I love telling happy stories. And this is one of them, about one of my former clients.

It’s delicious, too. Your mouth might start watering, so you’re forewarned…

Back in September of 2008, I hosted an event called “Follow a More Authentic Career Path“  and invited six people who’d made major career changes to talk about how they did it. (In fact, you can order the audio of the event here and listen to Ande’s wisdom, and five other career changers).

Ande Scheinker was one of the panelists. Ande had been an event planner. Hated it. She wasn’t sure what was next when she came to me as a client. Over time, she decided to call herself a “culinary explorer,” because she so loved being in the kitchen and being around food. She baked. A lot. Sometimes, she’d send me pictures of her creations. This was both fun and troublesome. Her pictures can make you drool. Worse, they can ruin a diet, unless you have iron-clad willpower. I don’t.

Ande was, like many clients, worried that she wasn’t changing careers fast enough. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone tells me, “I’m moving too slowly in this transition.” I’d have enough…to buy a car maybe? No, probably not. But still, I want to say “No, no, no. You’re making this transition on YOUR timing. YOUR rhythm. YOUR pace. Just keep listening inside, and you’ll sense what’s next.”

Last week, I received an email from Ande:

Hi Susan,

I hope this email finds you well!  I wanted to update you on a few things that are going on with me…I have some exciting news.

First – I’ve enrolled in pastry school.  I’ll begin a six-month pastry course at Tante Marie here in SF on March 29th.  I’m really thrilled about this next step – it just feels really right.

And for fun, I wanted to tell you that I’m competing in the upcoming edition of SF Food Wars.  This time around, the theme is chocolate cookies.  Fun, fun!  I just found out I was accepted to compete today.   Here’s a bit more info: http://sffoodwars.com/2010/02/the-chocolate-cookie-situation/

I’ve actually never even attended any of the SF Food Wars – but I hear they’re a blast.

Anyhoo – just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that things are going well on my end.  Hope all is well with you.

Thanks for everything,

xoxo Ande

Yes, this is a real email. I share it to make a few points:

First, almost everyone I know has fears of making change, and to be successful, you have to work through those fears. Ande’s had plenty of fears, including the fears that what she cooked would not turn out well. Amazing. Take one look at all the cooking she’s done, and you’d wonder how someone like Ande can even have that fear. Well, she’s just more accustomed to just being with the fear than ever before.

I was reminded by my friend, Tarra Christoff, that “Success is just outside your comfort zone.” To me, that means that you have to give yourself permission to feel a bit uncomfortable, awkward, goofy, confused, if you’re going to be able to navigate changes. You know, if you’re used to being all neat and tidy and organized (like I tend to want to be), then you’ll have to relax the tension you place on yourself to do things “just right.”

How can you demand of yourself that you do something well (or fast) if you’ve never done it before? Sounds silly when you’re standing outside the experience. But when you’re in it, you really can push hard on yourself.  Be gentle with yourself. Tell that part of your mind that’s criticizing you to take a break. It’s not helping. Really.

Second, change takes time. Duh. Yeah, you know this. But most of us only know this intellectually. Are you impatient with yourself? Do you tell yourselves to “hurry up?” and berate yourself when you’re going slow? Please be good and gracious with yourself as you get insights into “what’s next.”

Third, the important thing, as you navigate change, is to keep following your energy gains. It’s a huge gain for Ande to bake. So, over time, she’s taken baking classes and done tons of experiments in her own kitchen. One of my energy gains is writing, and I’m finally, finally, past the dissertation and am writing a book proposal. (Hmm, did you notice my judgment about how long it’s taken me to get over my dissertation?).

What activities or situations fill you with energy? How can you give yourself more time to experiment along those lines?

I’m really energized and excited to taste Ande’s latest creations at The Chocolate Cookie Situation on March 21st in San Francisco.  Mmm…but, too bad, tix are sold out.  Maybe you can view Ande’s Twitter stream and see if she knows about some special way to get more? In the meantime, you can drool over her cookie (and other) creations on her Flickr stream…oooh….aaah….mmm…

Congratulations, Ande!

Scrumptiously yours,

Susan

Just found this quote today, from Marcus Aurelius, last of the Five Good Emperors of the Roman Empire: 

That sums up how I feel about life coming together when you work from within.  The optimal way to navigate change and chaos, as I see and feel it, is from within. Rely on yourself, on your inner wisdom.  And, as the sage Marcus Aurelius advised, "dig still deeper & deeper" to touch that innate, embodied intelligence.

May you find hope as you look within,
Susan

Susan Bernstein, MBA PhD
Coach, Author, Speaker
www.WorkFromWithin.com
It all comes together when you work from within

“I got a job!”

I love those words. Especially because I’m so sick of hearing all the employment reports that are filled with gloom and doom. Words and phrases like “crisis,” and “massive layoffs,” and “unprecedented increase in unemployment” are more than a downer.  They induce hopelessness and defeat.

So, out of my utter frustration, and because I am bound and determined to be a ray of hope for people in their job search, I am taking a stand for the positive. It’s time to celebrate.  It’s time to share the good news.  We all need some encouragement!

I ask you, if you have gotten a job, or if you know someone who’s gotten a job, to please post your story (as a comment) here.  Include your name and the job you got.  And how you feel to have your new job.

By posting that “I got a job” and sharing a little bit about it, not only will you be able to brag, you’ll be able to help job seekers to know that it’s still quite possible to get a job.

So, please do share your “I got a job!” stories here.  Your success can have a positive impact on a lot of people.

Thanks!
Susan

Susan Bernstein, MBA PhD
Coach I Author I Speaker
Work from Within, LLC
www.WorkFromWithin.com
It all comes together when you work from within

Do you wish you could be smarter about navigating
through change and uncertainty?

For some people, life feels like a rollercoaster of
ups and downs. The economy skyrockets and drops. Our working r elationships go hot and
cold. Our attitude towards our careers
rises and falls.

Even though we can’t predict these shifts, thinking
about them takes up a ton of mental space.

Then, on top of it all, to save our jobs and
preserve our precious reputations, we try desperately to keep up a frantic
pace. We feel compelled to respond to every request within in a nanosecond or
less.

Does all this overstimulation seem like it’s just
going to wrestle the optimism right out of you?

Life loses it’s joy when you become oversaturated
by the push, push, push of constant change and the nag, nag, nag of
uncertainty. That’s just mind-blowingly
exhausting.

Guess what?

You don’t need to lose your mind. There’s an antidote. There’s an alternative. A healthy one.…

continue

I certainly don’t want to say everything that’s on my mind.  But sometimes, I hold back my voice.  I don’t share what I’m thinking when it might actually benefit the people around me. I resist opening up my heart.  Well, much of that withholdng is unnecessary.  It’s brought to you (and me) by the chattering of voices that don’t align with who we are and what’s meaningful for us.

A nagging little voice inside my head loves to chastise me about all the activities and to-do’s that I HAVEN’T done yet.

Do you also have one of these voices?

I’m sharing the story of transforming my voice so that I might help you speak out about what matters to you. To do that, you need to create more positive, uplifting, supportive voices in your own mind and heart.  I hope reading my story shows you how you can do that for yourself.

continue

I’d love to write something more lofty today…but I’ve been touched by this quote for over two weeks, so I want to share it:

“It’s not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It’s because we dare
not venture that they are difficult.” – Seneca

This past winter, I found myself toiling and pushing myself.  Even feeling kind of depressed.  I’d rather be pulled to do work I love, to express myself, not depress myself.  Turns out that I was resisting the pull of my true love, the work that truly energizes me.  I was hiding it from myself, and making my life more difficult.

Thankfully, my dear friend, Karen Moss reminded me that I always light up when I speak in front of an audience.  She’s right.

So I am daring to venture more into public speaking over the coming year.  Hear me roar!  Actually, come hear me and learn how to Recraft Your Career from the Inside Out at the Bay Area Organizational Development Network’s 2009 conference May 2nd in Berkeley.

I’ll leave you with a question to explore:
If things are difficult for you, what might you venture into?  What adventure could you create for yourself?

Adventurously yours,

Susan

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Coach, Speaker & Author
(hmmm…Speaker, Author & Coach?)

www.WorkFromWithin.com
Work From Within, LLC

Moms have more options than ever in terms of the ways to work.  And, that also means they face more complexity in their choices.

Fortunately, Sharon Reed Abboud is helping moms to lay out their choices, with her new book, “All Moms Work.” I met Sharon virtually through LinkedIn.  I can’t recall if she found my profile, or if we met in a her “All Moms Work Group,” honestly, but it doesn’t matter. We’ve been exchanging emails for a few months now.  A few days ago, I actually got to hear her voice across the miles in Virginia, near Washington, DC.  She’s a bit soft spoken and humble for someone with her talents in career advising and the wealth of knowledge she’s amassed about all the combinations and permutations open to mothers in today’s American workplace.

I want to recommend Sharon’s book to mothers, whether they’re working or staying at home, because you never know when when you might want to — or more likely, need to — go back to work. If you’re a stay-at-home mom, how do you stay current on workforce issues?  How do you decide when to go back to work?

And when moms decide to work full- or part-time, how do they juggle their lives?  How can they ask for flexibility?  And how do they maintain it?

Sharon has interviewed outstanding experts to gain perspective and shares the stories of inspirational moms who work full- and part-time for companies, and those who’ve started their own entrepreneurial ventues.  I see her book as a sort of “soup to nuts” complete approach to helping moms sort out the thorny issues of when, how, and where to work.

I’m not sure how much longer they’ll offer it, but Sharon’s publisher, Capital Books, is offering 35% off for pre-orders.  I’d encourage you to order now, so you can save.  But even if you miss out on the discount, Sharon’s got meaningful, totally useful advice to share with moms, to make your working life easier.

Here’s to all moms who work!
Susan

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Coach, Speaker & Author
www.WorkFromWithin.com
Work From Within, LLC