But what really got to me was a picture of a man wearing a t-shirt with the words “I need a job.”  No, it’s not the picture here (look at the article to see the sad face of the man wearing it; the photo is copyrighted, so I want to be respectful). Let me help out the artist who created this particular t-shirt and send you to the link where you can buy that t-shirt.

I looked at this guy and thought, “He needs a different kind of job.”

He needs a J.O.B.

In other words, he needs a Jolt Of Belief.”

As I see it, if you are between jobs, you could benefit from a few beliefs:

(1) The belief of others. In other words, knowing that other people believe in you. If you are seeking your next work opportunity, ask people you care about to tell you, “I believe in you.” And ask them to give you at least three concrete reasons why they believe in you.  It’s a free way for them to help you. Take in what they say. And notice how good it feels.

Suggested Activity: Ask a good friend to tell you “I believe in you.” Go on. Do it. Now. Yes. Really.

Hey, if you’re reading this, and you know a job seeker, be proactive. Tell that person why you believe in them. You’ll make their day. I promise.

(2) The belief in yourself. It can be tough, day after day, to get up and seek work. Since we live in a country where we often define ourselves by the work we do, it can be awkward, humbling, and vulnerable to be without a job. Not that it’s a crime. Not that we should be working all the time, especially if that work means knocking ourselves out.

No, I just want to say to you, if you are in job search mode: “Believe in yourself. Find that place within you, no matter how teeny tiny it seems, that trusts and knows that all will work out. And just focus on that. Magnify that. Nurture that small spark of belief in yourself, because it will grow.”

Suggested Activity: Read the paragraph above to yourself at least three times a day. Out loud. In the mirror. And watch for magic.

(3) Belief in the interconnections in the world. If you’re seeking a job, you have a set of skills, talents, and abilities. What if you knew that what’s innate in you was the answer to the problems to at least a few people or organizations in the world? What if they were hungry to find you, even if they didn’t yet have a job posted? What if right now, they were hoping and wishing for someone just like you? Would you feel better?

We DO live in an interconnected world. And if you allow yourself to open to the idea that you are a perfect match for someone or some company, what happens? Do you feel lighter? More hopeful?

OK, I imagine you saying, “Yeah, but I have really specialized skills.” Or you might say, “My skills are a dime a dozen. I’ll be competing with the whole world.”

Let those negative ideas go. For now. They don’t serve you.

Suggested Activity: Engage your active imagination. Imagine shaking hands with a future employer. Look around at your new workplace. See your new co-workers and their smiling, welcoming faces. Do this for at least five minutes every day. And watch what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised to find new employment possibilities opening up for you.

(4) Belief in something bigger than yourself. Whether you call that God, Allah, Krishna, Buddha, The Universe, My Higher Power, or whatever…surely, some force created the world in which we live. Can you allow yourself to believe that you exist for a reason, even if you have no idea what that reason is? And if you embrace that idea, even for a second, does it not follow that you are here to do good, to use your talents? Or are you wedded to the idea that you have all these gifts, these abilities that you want to use at work, and that you’re just being mercilessly tortured and taunted, and being held back from using them? If you believe that, perhaps you’re wounded at a deep level. Perhaps at a young age, you were made to feel worthless. If that’s the case,  my heart goes out to you. But I’m here to tell you that you are far from worthless. You are deeply valuable. Whatever this entity or energy is that is bigger than you…let’s call it the “collective consciousness” for now…well, it wants you to connect to others. It wants you to share your gifts.

Suggested Activity: This is a little experiment for you: What if you have a conversation, aloud, in your journal, or from your heart, with this Higher Power, this bigger-than-you energy? And you ask it to reveal to information about where you are to be matched. Where your ideal placement is, for now. Your ideal colleagues, your ideal organization. You might get that information in a magazine you read. On a billboard you see. In an idea that pops in your head in the shower. What if you allow this Higher Power to guide you, and you trust your heart as you see signals, signs, and little (or big) clues to follow.

Hey, this idea is like chicken soup:  It can’t hurt. And it just might help. Really. I’ve seen it help.

So please, if you say “I need a job,” take a moment and rephrase that. Ask for a JOLT OF BELIEF. Ask others to tell you they believe in you. Take a moment to believe in yourself. Believe in the interconnectedness of our world and how that means you’re bound to find where you’re needed. And believe in a higher power, and ask for its guidance.

I believe in you!

Susan

PS – Notice that I don’t call people who are between jobs “UNemployed.” If you happen to be without a job right now, please read my blog post about avoiding the “UN”  word. You’ll save yourself agony, and you actually might just increase your chances of landing a job!

I have a confession.

I’ve been a stress case.

That’s hard to admit. Especially since I work with people to help them come alive at work. I do love coaching people, on a one on one basis, about their work. And I’ve been feeling more and more confident about my ability to help people truly light up at work. My head and heart both trust the effectiveness and transformational value of  the unique ways that I help people to conceive of work that fits them. So now, I’m quite hungry to expand my reach and impact so I can touch more people. That has meant teaching more group programs, writing, speaking in as many venues as possible, and influencing larger groups. Doing all these new activities has involved learning how to use webinar software, getting on the phone to talk to organizations and businesses about helping them, discovering how I can best describe what Work from Within is all about, and generally stepping out in the world in a much bigger way. Most of the time, learning these new skills and approaches to marketing Work from Within and my philosophies and practices has been fun. But it’s time consuming, and I’m prone to rush myself and demand results (dare I say, money) rather quickly. I’ve been impatient for success. I want it on my timeline, darn it!

All this effort lead me from stress toward burnout. I started recognizing the shift from becoming angry and frustrated at my circumstances to feeling resigned. For example, I would try to learn how to use webinar software, and somehow I’d lose my participants into the Internet ether (oops!). I’d feel enraged at the software and embarrassed at not being a perfect presenter. Then the nasty voice of Little Miss Perfect would scream in my head, and I’d berate myself for not getting familiar enough with the tools I needed to make the webinar hum along.

Over the course of a few months, I started to think: “I just don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not a celebrity yet, like Oprah or Suze Orman. Who am I to help people learn to come alive at work? I’ve been running Work from Within for five years. So why am I not on TV yet? Why haven’t I written a book, let alone published it? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I should just give up…”

My body began to feel heavy as a boulder, sluggish as a slug, mentally foggy like the June Gloom that hangs over the Pacific Coast, and downright stomp-my-feet-and-shake-my-fist irritable.  I remembered the difference between stress and burnout. Stress is about feeling over engaged and anxious. When you hit burnout, you’re likely to become disengaged, hopeless, and depressed. I was headed for the latter. After weeks and weeks of this experience, a lightbulb went off in my head:  Perhaps my ideas about failing and taking too long to make an impact aren’t true. Maybe I’ve been seeing my circumstances through a distorted lens, a narrow angle.

I resolved to shift my energy. I’m all about maximizing Return On Life Energy (ROLE), so I knew I needed to take action to build up my energy stores. I started with getting checked out by the practitioners at the Acupuncture and Complementary Medicine clinic in Berkeley, because I love that Chinese medicine is all based on life energy (which the Chinese call qi, and which Indians call prana). It’s been a process of replenishing my energy stores. I’ve gone from depletion to stagnation to amplification to expansion. Instead of feeling exhausted and irritable, in the course of six weeks, I’m now feeling mellow, flowing, and full of ease. And filled with gratitude for my life and the beauty in the world, sensing the joy of simple things, like the warmth of the mug of my wild sweet orange tea to the playful chatter of the birds in my magnolia tree.

Something else that helped my renewal, something counterculture:  I decided to follow my body’s instinct for rest. I booked a retreat at one of my favorite places on the planet, the Esalen Institute, on the Big Sur coast (I’ll be teaching a workshop at Esalen from December 5 to 10), with it’s warming sulfur hot springs, the crash of the waves of the Pacific Ocean against high cliffs, and the magical landscape with its rainbow of flowers, stands of gracious trees and cradle of rugged mountains.

To renew myself sense of self, I enrolled in an Esalen workshop with performance artist extraordinaire, Nina Wise, who created a practice called Motion Theater, a form of autobiographical improvisation. To me, learning Motion Theater was like finding self-transformational storytelling. Our group of ten women played theatre games (like forming ourselves into shapes and riffing off each others stories), meditated (in creative ways, including with singing), stretched, danced, and learned to tell our personal stories, rich with detail and grounded in sensory experience. Most importantly, the combination of verbal and non-verbal activities re-started my energy. By immersing myself fully in play and presence, I got back in touch with myself. Hallelujah!

If you find yourself sliding into stress, catch yourself and find your antidote. And if you’re slipping into burnout, or you’ve already landed there, stop pushing yourself. Your body, mind, spirit and emotions are telling you that what you’re doing needs to shift. It’s time to give yourself a break for relaxation, restoration, renewal, rejuvenation.

Based on my week at Esalen, and my personal discoveries, I’d like to share some suggestions for shifting out of stress and burnout and back into your essence, your true self, the quiet internal place that is you, no matter what.  Please feel free to take only what feels good, and trust your intuition to modify any of these ideas so they fit you:

Rest. I can be a work machine. That go-go-go behavior got ingrained in me during my tenure in management consulting, when I sometimes worked 80 to 100 hours a week. These days, I think that’s insane. It’s all push, no pull. In other words, I used to make myself do work, rather than feeling drawn or inspired to do it. When we’re stressed, we often push ourselves hard. But that push, push, shove, move forward, go, go, go energy is only one way of being. You are not a machine. You cannot keep up an unrelenting pace indefinitely. Staying up late, working around the clock, denying yourself breaks…this is a recipe for a breakdown. Instead, give yourself the gift of rest. Of doing nothing. Or doing only those things that are pleasurable. Not just satisfying, but truly nourishing. Make the choice to feed yourself what you truly want, which very well may be peace and quiet.

Relax your efforts. Before taking this retreat, I had been working for months without a break, staying up until 11 or 12 at night to reply to emails, plan a workshop, update my website. So much effort! In physics, effort equals work. But work — as in your career, your livelihood — need not be full of hard effort, at least not all of the time. Notice how hard you are trying, and reduce the effort. Here’s one way to do this: Start by doing something that comes very, very naturally to you. Like walking. Or talking on the phone with a friend. As you’re doing this easy, natural activity, become aware of your body and where you hold tension and tightness. Then, do an activity that you don’t do so easily. Not the hardest thing, but something that you have to pay attention to do, and where perhaps you have less skill. Like for me, that’s riding my bike downhill. I have to concentrate. I’m afraid I’ll fall. I can do it, but I have not yet mastered it. How do you feel, in your body, when you do this activity that you’re still mastering? Where are you tight? Where are you loose? Your clamped jaw, your shoulders that come up near your ears…these are all signs of added effort. What can you say to yourself (like “I’m starting to get the jist of this”), and how can you modify the activity (like doing less of it, or only a portion of it, or slowing it down) and particularly your expectations of yourself (maybe telling yourself “It’s OK to be a beginner, and to make mistakes”), so that you can feel more ease?

Reconnect with people who care about you. I’ve been going to Esalen for nearly a decade now, so in that time, I’ve made a lot of friends there. Having them ask about me, getting to spend time with them, catching up…these are all nurturing. I feel seen and appreciated by people who know me. In times of stress and burnout, we need to have people around us who will support us. Who might you like to have around you to support you? You might call a friend and ask to have an hour to just share what’s happening. You could get some friends together and have a “dump your problems in the garbage” ritual, writing down what’s bugging you, reading your list aloud with feeling and emphasis, and then ripping up your list and throwing it in a collective trash can or fire. Then, make a resolution to do one thing, just one for now, that can make you feel better. And report back to the group when you’ve done it, either in person, by email, or by phone. Connect to yourself by connecting with others who are willing and able to help you regain yourself.

Spend time in nature. The rhythms in nature tend to be so different than our man-made mechanistic rhythms of cars and traffic and TV show and meetings and all the scheduled, pre-planned activities, and the constant onslaught of information. Nature is slower, organic, cycling and shifting. Nature is not like the airbrushed superstars we see in magazines and attempt to emulate. It’s raw and honest, the apple that has been pierced by a worm looking for food, the jagged leaf that’s asymmetrical, the birds that do not fly on a preordained flight plan like airliners but flit from tree to tree as they feel called to explore and as the need arises for food and shelter. Nature reminds us to slow down, to get back in touch with our innate instincts and impulses, to trust the flow of life. Immerse yourself in Nature’s rhythms, and you’re bound to have your own reflected back to you.

Turn down your mind and turn up your innate, embodied impulses. When I’m being very verbal — even if it’s replying email — I’m up in my head. And if you’re anything like me, your head can be a dangerous playground, with the broken carousel of repetitive negative thoughts and the teeter totter of self-talk alternately flinging you between self-aggrandizement and self-deprecation. I often tell people to “take the elevator down,” suggesting that they move from their heads to the rest of their bodies. Give yourself time to explore and play non-verbally. Perhaps you will put on music and just move your body in whatever ways feel good, without thinking of the moves you’ll make. You could shake your body like a ragdoll for a few minutes and shake out the cobwebs. You might slither on the floor like a snake and then roll and ooze. You could move your hands like they are talking, which is an activity Nina Wise suggests in her book,  A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life. Listen to what you need, what feels satisfying, and nurture yourself the way a mother nurtures a baby: with touch, rhythm, and movement.

Open your heart. When we’re stressed our burned out, often we’ve neglected our hearts. We are so hell-bent on achieving success, so determined to do what’s right and good, so focused on making money or getting that promotion…and our hearts are suffering from being left out of the conversation about our needs. Needs? Hah, we think, it’s needy to have needs. No, actually, it’s not. Our heart’s desires deserve our attention. Set aside 10 to 15 minutes. Get quiet and put a hand on your heart. Ask your heart, “what do you need?” Be patient, and listen to the answers. Write them down. Follow the most compassionate or most nourishing replies first, like the ones that tell you “Give yourself a hug.”

In every moment, you can add ease and joy to your life by reducing the effort, doing what feeds you, and reducing the activities and situations that deplete you. Bit by bit, day by day, your practice of minimizing your energy drains and maximizing your energy gains will deliver you into a life and livelihood that works for you. That way of living does not come from being hard and harsh with yourself, but rather from relaxing, restoring, renewing, rejoicing, and rejuvenating, as needed. It’s just what the doctor ordered.

Love from Dr. Bernstein!

Susan

Not because I use their deodorant. I don’t. It’s way too manly for me.

I’m angry at Mitchum because they are glorifying the Puritanical work ethic with a new contest that they have, The Hardest Working _______ in America. They ask people to submit videos of themselves working super hard. You might be the hardest working cattle rancher, baker, coach, florist, physical therapist. These don’t even have to be physical laborers. For example, they include a woman who’s a web entrepreneur.

I believe it’s possible to get creative and work smarter and enjoy your life and livelihood much, much more. And I’ll share some ideas about doing that so that you get to imagine them for yourself. But please, if you take anything away from what I’m sharing, it’s that you do not have to kill yourself at work.

So really: What is so right and so virtuous about working so hard? Granted, some of the people that Mitchum’s showing clearly love their work. And I applaud that. But not at the expense of overall well-being. Too many hours at work is just plain draining. In Mitchum’s contest, some of the participants clearly look like they are “slugging it out.” Many of the people they show in their promotional video must be working so hard that they have no time for exercise, because they are quite overweight. Sorry, but that’s no good for your body, mind, or spirit. Can all of these folks truly be happy? I doubt it.

Why must we glorify knocking ourselves out at work? Americans seem to have an obsession with working hard, demonstrating our strength, and just plain working our noses to the grindstone and running ourselves into the ground.

I know a thing or two about pushing myself to work hard. Back in the mid 1990s, I was a management consultant. My colleagues and I seemed to think that it was completely normal to work 80 hours a week. I was expected to bill a minimum of 50 hours each week. So when I worked 100 hour work weeks, which did on occasion, I’d be exhausted, but it was like I earned a badge of courage. Secretly, I was downright ecstatic when I only had to work 60 hours a week, but I also felt guilty, like I wasn’t contributing my share.

Rare was the day at work when my shoulders did not ache. I simply attributed that pain to sitting at the computer for six to ten hours a day.  Nausea and digestive pains were my frequent companions, and their impact seemed more forceful when I was staffed on a project out of town.  At the time, I simply rationalized the intestinal aches away by assuming they were caused by eating hotel and restaurant food, instead of my own home-cooked meals.


About three years into my time in management consulting, I was involved in a car accident. As I drove home from San Francisco International Airport, returning from a client engagement in Southern California, I was rear-ended by a drunk driver.  Although the accident was not serious, I started getting painful migraine headaches immediately afterwards.  My doctor wanted to run diagnostic tests, but I would not allow it.  I was determined to show how tough I could be.  I was not going to let mere headaches keep me from working on what I thought was an extremely important client project, one that seemed to assure me a promotion!  Then, two weeks after the car accident, I passed out in front of a group of clients.  The pain in my head was overwhelming, so I literally fainted while making a presentation. The project team took me to the hospital to check my health.

I ignored the migraine symptoms, continuing to push through them so that I secure a promotion, even if I was conflicted about moving ahead at the firm.  To my project team and to myself, I pretended. I acted as if I was fine.  Fortunately, when I received a doctor’s orders to take a month off from work to relax and recuperate, the managing partner of my office insisted that I follow his professional guidance.

Deep down, I felt torn. On the one hand, I wanted to demonstrate to my project team that I was as strong as everyone else, and that I could fit into the workaholic culture by continuing to work.  Yet on the other hand, I also wished I could simply find work that was more fun, or that I could even stop working for a period.

I ultimately took the medical leave, and I’m so thankful I did. I got back in touch with my body. I got clear that I wanted to work less and enjoy more. And since then, I’ve always found ways to do that, including ways that make plenty of money, thank goodness.

So, how do YOU do work that fits, and not knock yourself out in the process?

(1) Talk to people who are doing work that they love. Ask them what they love about their work. Ask them how they got into it. Listen to their journey. Almost no one goes from frustration to freedom overnight. It’s a process. Find out how people talk to themselves, how they overcame obstacles, how they motivated themselves. Take what works for you and leave the rest.

(2) Read Tim Ferris’ book, The Four Hour Work Week. This book is a game changer. It sounds absurd, especially if you’ve been working more than 40 hours a week. But stick with it. He has great ideas for how to make work as much fun and easy as possible. He has ideas both for making your current job easier, and for launching a product that you can sit back and watch make money. Ah, passive income!

(3) Read a recent article from Bloomberg/Businessweek about Working on the Waterfront. Yes, people really do work at the beach. If a serious business publication is giving you ideas on how to get a tan while you work, why not investigate? Or do you really want to sit in your cubicle day after day, turning pastier white by the second?

Seriously, though, I’m committed to helping people find ease, engagement, and enrichment from their work. What are YOU going to do to find those qualities in your work?

Working well,

Susan

But there’s always a way out. Always. It just may not be what you envisioned. But sometimes, you have an inkling of it.

That’s the case for my former client, Marie-Florence Tieu, who, after completing her MBA, took a job in search engine marketing. And she felt bored, unfulfilled, and frustrated. While that’s obviously  not the only job for MBAs, something was nagging her on the inside. She couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do next, but search engine marketing wasn’t it. She went to career coaches who gave her assessments and tests. And those only confused or frustrated her.

Marie-Florence ran into a common shift that makes it so much easier to find or create work that fits. If you want work that truly fits you, that feels really congruent with who you are and what you care about, you can’t figure it out. You need to feel it out.

In the face of uncertainty, most of us go into mental overdrive, trying to get our logical brains to frame their quest for a new job as a problem. Then, they try to analyze the situation and end up with an elegant solution. Only there’s not really a problem. Or there’s nothing really to solve. I recommend a focus on intentions instead. In other words, that you get clear about what you do want, rather than focusing on the problem of work that doesn’t fit, or in asking yourself, “How will I figure out what to do next?” That approach relies way, way too much on your head. Most of us have wily, crafty brains. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. It’s just that we miss out on listening to our hearts. And our guts. And the wisdom that lies below our necks.

You wouldn’t choose your spouse by reading their resume, would you? Not if you wanted to have a passion-filled relationship. Then why do you think that you can lay out the facts about your talents, and somehow come up with a picture that uplifts and inspires you? If that’s what you’re trying to do, I’m here to suggest that you turn the equation around. Start with what uplifts and inspires you, and then lay out how you’ll get there. Or, better yet, create a vision of what you want, take one step at a time towards it, and see what you discover.

But don’t try to have the whole career change mapped out all at once. Don’t. That’s not only a headache. That’s not only unrealistic. That’s not only hard. That’s impossible.  Yet too many people think that’s what they need to do, which creates unnecessary turmoil.

In our work together, Marie-Florence discovered how to “take the elevator down,” as I call it, moving from the head to the heart, gut, and whole-bodied wisdom. Too often, we suffer through work that drains us, with the hope that it will get better. And we mentally convince ourselves to stay and stay and stay…until we move from stress to burnout. And then we feel stuck. Yuck.

When she learned to listen to her body’s signals, Marie Florence got clear about work she wanted to do. It’s almost like it was in her bones. Even as a child, she cared for people, like her brother, who is mentally handicapped and autistic. She explored a few potential paths, including teaching tennis, but ultimately got totally excited at the thought of going to nursing school and becoming a nurse. She’s completing her prerequisites now, and will attend UCSF for nursing school starting June 21st!

I briefly interviewed Marie-Florence about her transition from marketing to nursing. If you’re considering a shift in your career, you may find her story, in the recording below, enlightening and inspiring. And you may get an idea of why learning to “work from within,” and trusting the innate instincts and impulses in your body is so vital to making positive change.

Click here to listen to the recording of my interview with Marie-Florence.

Celebrating change,
Susan

PS – In this posting, I’ve shared one of seven shifts to work that fits: If you want work that truly fits you, that feels really congruent with who you are and what you care about, you can’t figure it out. You need to feel it out. If you want to discover HOW to make this shift in your own career, and learn six other shifts that will help you have work that fits, please join me on Wednesday, July 7, from 6:00 – 7:30 pm Pacific (9:00 – 10:30 Eastern) for an interactive webinar “Seven Shifts to Work That Fits.“  You’ll also get a workbook, time for Q & A, and a video recording of the webinar that you can download and watch again and again, whenever you like.

There’s only room for 24 participants, and those places will get snatched up quickly…so grab your space by registering now. Isn’t it time you had work that fits you?

One of the most important things I learned at the workshop: This journey to being a mover and a shaker takes patience. That’s important for me, because I’m prone to push, push, push myself and then get discouraged when I don’t get the outcomes I desire. Cheryl didn’t sugar-coat her journey to becoming an award-winning, coach, speaker, and radio host. She told stories of her frustrations and fears, as well as her triumphs. This balanced approach helped me to put my own experiences into a more positive light. I also made some fantastic new friends as a result of the workshop, and that alone was worth the price of admission!

Well, let me get the the big story:  I  am thrilled to have been selected as one of two Movers & Shakers from the March, 2010 Movers & Shakers workshop in San Francisco. The other winner is the amazing vocal coach, David Coury. As a winner, David will host a live online event and my prize: I’ll be hosting a radio show with Hay House Radio in the Fall.

Being selected to host the radio show is truly a dream come true. As a kid, I used to imagine that when I grew up, I could be like Lucy on Peanuts, and have my sign with “The Doctor Is In.” I envisioned people coming to me with their problems, but everyday issues, rather than issues of massive depression and overwhelming anxiety and the like (we all experience those at times).

My favorite times as a coach are when people come to me with thorny career issues, and I help them break through their own barriers. It’s gratifying to watch them embrace positive next steps in high-speed yet heartfelt fashion. That doesn’t always mean a “quick fix,” but it does mean rapid relief and the intention to lead with heart, and let the mind serve the heart, rather than the other way around. So, all in all, I’m very much looking forward to hosting the radio show and taking your calls about crafting your career in a way that maximizes your ROLE, your Return On Life Energy.

I invite you to watch my video entry, and also to watch some of the other San Francisco entries to the Hay House contest, as well. Many of them have important messages from other Movers and Shakers.

I would love for my good news to prompt YOU to take positive action to maximize your ROLE. So let me ask you a question: What is it that you’ve been wanting to do for a long time, but haven’t started on? Something that you dream about, that really lights you up? Instead of trying to figure out the path to getting there, I want to suggest something daring:  Let your head go! Yep, stop spinning in your mind about the “right” thing to do. Quit trying to plan step #38.

Instead, listen to your heart. Ask your heart” What’s one small, small step that I could take toward my dream?” Give yourself a dose of love, and then listen with compassion to what your heart tells you. Perhaps it’s signing up for a class. Maybe you’ll want to call a friend for support. Possibly it’s writing your dream in a journal and seeing what new information emerges. These are just a few suggestions. You’ve got your own wisdom within you. So, “work from within,” and listen inside yourself for your own next step, the next place to dip a toe in the water, to take a leap of faith, to run after what you desire, to reach for what you want.

As I see it, dreams are your spirit’s way of communicating what you truly desire. Don’t discount them. Ever! Nurture and feed them, which means shining the light of loving care on yourself. This is part of the journey of being a Mover & Shaker.

Here’s to your dreams!

Susan

To me, these words are a reminder to be easy and compassionate with yourself. In our push, push, push world, sometimes that thrusting forward motion just grows tiresome. Recently, I found myself utterly exhausted, empty of energy. I realized that like everyone else, I am vulnerable to overdoing it. These wise words helped give me permission to take it easy, to rest and renew.

So let me pass along this beautiful poem. May it uplift and inspire you…

If You Would Grow – Shine The Light Of Loving Self-Care On Yourself

If you would grow to your best self
Be patient, not demanding
Accepting, not condemning
Nurturing, not withholding
Self-marveling, not belittling
Gently guiding, not pushing and punishing
For you are more sensitive than you know
Mankind is as tough as war yet delicate as flowers
We can endure agonies but we open fully only to warmth and light
And our need to grow is as fragile as a fragrance Dispersed by storms of will
To return only when those storms are still
So, accept, respect, attend your sensitivity
A flower cannot be opened with a hammer.
- Daniel F. Mead

Keep shining the light of loving self-care on yourself!

Susan

It’s a pleasure to introduce you to one of the clients I worked with last year, Jody Florman, an incredibly talented artist and visionary. In our work together, Jody did her “work from within,” getting clear that within herself, she held a lot of resistance to the life that wanted to unfold for her. As with many people, she had a preconceived idea about how her life “should” be going. However, when she opened up and realized that the different way that her life was flowing was actually on purpose and good, more abundance came her way, in many forms.

I invite you to read my interview of Jody and then view Jody’s artwork and the faux finishing and trompe l’oiel she does in residences. I find her art has a magical, mystical, marvelous quality about it. A true reflection of her inner beauty! And, below, she shares great wisdom for anyone going through a career change and encountering unexpected situations.

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I am very fortunate to be living and working with my passion, every day. I am an artist who makes a living creating and doing hand painting, murals, trompe l’oeil, commission paintings and faux finishes inside beautiful, high end homes. I can also create and reinvigorate the sacred space of your home or business. I am simultaneously exploring fine art painting and photography as additions to my creative focus. I live my life under the premise that I create my own reality. I strive to bring the adventure of my journey into all aspects of my life.

What brings you most alive in your work?
Exploring new ideas and bringing them into reality. I have recently had an epiphany about where my photography is going and it has made me more conscious about my creative process. The more I explore, the more I see the journey as my work and the less I judge the perfection of the art/ photography I put out. I am excited so see where I go next and what the results will be!

What was happening before we started working together?
I had hit a wall with my work life. I had been adamant that by the time I turned 50, I would create an easier work environment for myself. What happened instead was that my world seemed to be dismantling: divorce, challenges with the economy, challenges with my new work environment in the new state I had moved to. I was unenthusiastic and conflicted. This caused everything to come to a screeching halt. I could not seem to get out of my own way. I also had some very fixed ideas on how I thought my life should be going, at my age, and my world was not cooperating. So that’s when I found Susan Bernstein and Work from Within.

What’s happened since?
Making changes did take awhile. I initially had a lot of resistance to going back into the decorative painting field. I was convinced there was something else for me and yet I could not seem to find my way. I put a lot of energy and time into my fine art and looked around for a job in a completely different field.  I found a part time job at a local winery. The point was to get myself into an affluent public eve and possibly generate new clients and give me a place to hang my art and place my art related products. What has come to light in the last year and a half has been all the ways I stop myself, all the ways I judge myself, all the misconceptions I operate my life under and how personally I take what life has to offer me. So, I have been consciously letting go of all of the above statements. I have relaxed into my life, created more fun and enjoyment in each moment, let go of the have-tos and supposed-tos. I have stopped feeling like I’m running out of time and that I am a failure because my life didn’t keep on the “successful” tract I was on. I have re-embraced decorative painting while redirecting my focus and how I physically work. I am letting go of my house and all the ideas I had what a 50 something abundant life style looks like. I am dismantling my box and creating a new flow. In spite of the economics around me, my life is turning around financially and I am expanding rapidly in my creative life. I still have a way to go and I can honestly say I am happy and patient while my life evolves.

What’s been most memorable or valuable from your experience working with Susan Bernstein of Work from Within?
I found myself looking at the resistance I had toward my chosen profession, all the expectations and disappointments. Working with Susan made me realize if I was going to continue in my then current track or look outside my box and do something completely different, I had to reinvent my attitude, and then make a decision. And, I had to overcome disappointment that this would not all happen in an instant. The great news is that my journey back to the more commercial aspects of my art is still unfolding and I am very pleased that I had my experience with Susan has put me on the road to expressing a bigger and more creative aspect of myself.

As an artist, what are the biggest aha’s you’ve had about how to share your talents and reap abundance?
I am still looking at my  avenues for revenue. As times have changed, the way of doing business is different and my focus has changed.  am looking at doing home shows, I am doing a product line for a non-profit. I am pursing shows in smaller venues and I am about to pursue designers on the East Coast.  In general, I’ve learned to try everything, see if it is working. If not, I get out and move on.

You know that question: “If I change jobs, and I hate the new one, can I go back to an old one?

Well, Lucy has answered that question in a very positive way.

I’ve been coaching Lucy through something very common and normal:  Fear!

Often, people think that I help people to change careers. And yes, that is one thing that I do.

But I also help people to ride the wave of emotions it takes to be successful in their careers. , whether that’s on-ramping them into a new career, or helping them to find greater joy and satisfaction in a current career. Over and over again, I find that people experience blocks and fears to change. While it’s normal and natural, and actually part of our human condition to feel fear, it can be paralyzing, too.

Lucy’s had her share of fears. I won’t recount them all here. But as a Realtor in the current economic climate, you might guess that one of her fears was “I’ll never sell any houses. I’ll never get a listing.”

Well, I’m thrilled to announce that through our coaching relationship, Lucy has developed a stellar marketing plan, is starting to build ties to the Rockridge neighborhood in Oakland, California. And, Lucy secured her first listing!

It’s a duplex offered at $575,000.

If you happen to be looking for a home in the Rockridge area, do check in with Lucy, and if it’s still available when you read this, go take a peek at 1738 Derby St. in Oakland.

Congratulations, Lucy!

If you’re at a career crossroads, or in career crisis, why not sign up for a complimentary Get Acquainted session? Let’s see how we can work together to get you past the fears and into feeling calm, then clearer about your future, and then confident about where you’re headed. I’d love to help you move in to your next career move feeling energized, engaged, and enriched!

Cheers!

Susan

Like me, Lisa left a high-stress, seemingly high-prestige job that left her drained. Both of us have chosen to pursue working with people in a more caring, supportive way. Based on her rich life experience, Lisa brings a sensibility about how work can impact the rest of our lives. In this blog post, Lisa helps us to think about our emotions, which are vital signs to let us know how much our work aligns — or misaligns — with what we truly seek to create in our lives. I trust you will benefit from her wise words.

When you think of the term “emotional health,” what comes up for you?  There are numerous components to one’s “emotional health” and though many are the same for most people, the reality is there is a special cocktail that resonates with each of us individually – and is unique to us.

My own life experience and the experiences of many of my previous therapy clients has demonstrated to me that career choice is one important element to emotional health for many of us.  I know it sure is for me.

I used to work in the “glitzy” and “glamorous” world of movie and television production; with well known actors, directors and on films and TV shows you’ve likely heard of.  As much as I initially thought this was the dream career for me, it wasn’t.  In fact, it became evident that I was missing out on lot of life and my relationships suffered as a result of the long, unpredictable hours, weeks spent out of town on location and general chaos that was my life when on a show.  This ultimately started not only to emotionally and physically take a toll but it hurt my soul in such a way that I decided to leave, go back to school and train to become a therapist.

Career discontentment can be very stressful, whether it be about doing a job that has no meaning, is a toxic environment, or is simply against your grain.

Here are a few signs that you might be in a career that is leading to unhappiness:

• Work avoidance.
• Excessive worry about work.
• Increase in illness or physical pains with no medical explanation.
• Defensiveness and frustration.
• Substance abuse.
• Bad mood impacting family life / relationships.

The great thing about career discontentment, as uncomfortable as it is, is that it has the potential to help drive you forward to do something different, to search for meaning and satisfaction elsewhere.  If you can break through the fear of it – and are able to logistically pull it off – then career reflection and possible direction shift can be an important step toward your emotional health.

When I made my big career move it was a mentor who helped me to understand this was possible and helped me explore and challenge my fears around it.  The person for me happened to be a therapist but there are other mentor-type people (like Dr. Susan Bernstein) who can assist you with dissecting the various layers unique to you in contemplating “what next?” if you’re at a career crossroads.  Perhaps members of your support system can help you.  Maybe a therapist can assist you in finding clarity on the issue like mine did for me.  Whatever method you choose, it’s in the best interest of your emotional health – and in some cases, physical health and relationship health - to do so if possible.

It’s human nature to seek happiness, fulfillment, emotional and relationship health.  I am grateful for having the ability to do such a significant career change as I realize not everyone can easily manage this.  I am passionate about my job of psychotherapist and there is no question that I’m doing work that is for in line with who I am internally.  It feels great!

I can’t try to be perfect anymore.

Here’s what happened:  I posted a video for a contest. I initially felt good about my creation. But those feelings of satisfaction with my creation didn’t last long. I started comparing myself to others who had entered the contest. I was driving myself — and a few friends — nutty with the search for flaws, rather than the search for what went well. Although I know better than to beat myself up, it was like I became ultra-focused, addicted even, to seeking out the so-so, rather than praising what worked. And, of course, this focus on the negative left me feeling small, drained, and downright depressed.

I’m done.

I’m fed up with being a perfectionist. I do the “perfectionizing” to myself, so I have no one else to blame. Not even the people who like to point out my flaws.

Today, I officially announce that I’m an “im-perfectionist.” I’m choosing to live in imperfection. That doesn’t mean that I’ll settle for crappy quality, or that I’ll do a so-so job on any project or for any client.

If you’re exhausted by the endless mental chatter of “I could’ve done better,” or “Why didn’t I get this right?” or “Someone else always seems to have just a little edge on me,” I invite you, too, to drop this intense self-flagellation. It’s time to become an im-perfectionist.

I’m sharing this insight to make a point about the stranglehold that perfectionism can have. You see, with the help of a friend, I had happily made a video for Hay House, as part of a Movers & Shakers contest to win either a four week radio show or a live online event. I adore Hay House and their authors like Dr. Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, and Caroline Myss. I care deeply about helping people to coming alive at work and and about “maximizing your ROLE, your Return on Life Energy.” It would be such an honor to get to share my messages with the Hay House audience, to inform, inspire, and educate them so they can transform their work so it truly fits.

I posted my video on April 30, and felt really proud. Hey, that was a full day before the May 1 deadline. I liked how I looked. I liked the message. Sure,  I had other ideas I wanted to include. But, wow, it’s an improvement over the few videos I’ve ever made. I played the video a few times, then sent the link to friends and family to get their reaction. They were mostly positive, with a few suggestions here and there.

Those suggestions got me nervous. I started thinking about what I could’ve done better. Like telling more of my story of career change. Or shortening the introduction. Or telling people that this message is important whether you want to stay in your job, change jobs, or you’re out of work. I started to not feel so good. Not so proud. I started to see all the problems, not all the passion and promise that I poured into the message originally.

My wanderings into perfectionistic torture made me do something downright dumb. I went to YouTube and started looking at the other contestants’ entries. And one in particular stopped me in my tracks. That person looked better than me. Showed better graphics than mine. Told better stories. Looked more polished…

I agonized. I cried. I wished I’d done so many of the things that this contestant had done. I felt like a failure.

And then I realized I didn’t need to do this to myself. You know the saying that “hindsight is 20/20 vision?” Well, sure, if I’d known all of these things, I might have created my video differently. But you know what? I did the best I could in the moment. And that was perfect. And in the next moment, as soon as I looked at anything else, my creation would look like a mess. If I let it. And then I’d deny myself the chance to learn.

More importantly, I’d deny myself the chance to celebrate what I had accomplished. I entered a contest. I made myself vulnerable. I shared a message that really matters to me in a very public way. I poured my heart and soul into a creation. I asked for help and got it from a friend who taped me and set the lights and helped me to edit the video.

I’ve decided that it’s important to allow for (seeming) im-perfection. That it’s more important to stretch and grow and try than to stay stuck or worried. I realized that if I want to grow and do bigger and better things, I’m going to naturally bump into what I could do better. Hmm, I believe that’s called learning. That’s true learning, in the moment, as opposed to what we do in the classroom, where we’re graded, and we either get the answer right…or wrong. It’s just not that binary when we’re out of school. The school of life is about being an im-perfectionist, of allowing what we create in the moment to be just perfect as it is.

What is an im-perfectionist?

• Someone who chooses to do his or her best, and who revels in what does work, not what doesn’t work
• Someone chooses to stop negative mental chatter that somehow naturally arises (it seems to be part of our culture to be critics)
• Someone who is compassionate with him/or herself
• Someone who chooses to learn from others’ examples, rather than playing a nasty game of comparison
• Someone who choose to believe that as long as you do your best, that’s perfect for now, and, actually, it’s perfect for forever

Sound good to you to be an im-perfectionist? So, will you join me in being an im-perfectionist? I hope you’ll share your story of embracing imperfection. I trust it will be, ironically, perfect!

Imperfectly yours,

Susan