Do you ever dream of having your own radio talk show?

Well, I confess, that’s one of my dreams. I’d have a call-in show on a big radio station. I’d listen to people’s problems about wanting better work, about dealing with stress on the job, about figuring out how to make important work-related decisions, and about how to project more confidence to colleagues and clients. Gosh, that would be so much fun, to help people, one-by-one,  shape their success. At work, we often lack guidance for how to be ourselves and have an impact in the world. People might call me the “Suze Orman of Careers,” although I find her a bit grating. I’d have more of a dose of my smiling high energy, like the woman I resembled in the 1980s, gymnast Mary Lou Retton. Well, maybe a little less cute. A bit smarter. I do have an MBA and a PhD, after all.

Well, I’m moving in that direction, creating plans for a radio show down the line. Sure, I could create one right now, on a channel like Blog Talk Radio, on which I’ve been a guest. However, my aspirations are bigger. XM Radio or Sirius, or maybe CBS. And TV? That would be great, too.

For now, I want to give you the best of me, Dr. Susan, through my blog and website. It’s a great way to get myself ready for a radio show. Besides, I get asked tons of career-related questions every week, and I realize how often I want to share the advice I give one person with a whole bunch of people.

So, I’m excited to welcome you to use the Work from Within blog to ask YOUR questions. And I can answer them. My intention is to respond to at least one question weekly, and be as helpful as I can, sharing what it means to “work from within,” and helping you to achieve the calm, clarity, and confidence that’s possible when you listen to and trust your embodied intelligence.

Do you want to ask a question? Go ahead!  Here’s the link:  http://www.workfromwithin.com/resources/askdrsusanthanks/

C’mon, Ask Dr. Susan! I promise to be kind, supportive, and upbeat. I’d love to read your questions…and, of course, answer them.

Are you fed up with your work? You know, frustrating colleagues, angry managers, ugly offices, unreasonable deadlines, massive bureaucracies, never-ending meetings…these things can drive you crazy.

Well, you’re not alone! Have you noticed that other people around you just want to throw in the towel at work?

I say “ARGH!” (Not very articulate…just ultra frustrating!)

World at Work recently reported on a study by The Conference Board:
The report, based on a survey of 5,000 U.S. households conducted for The Conference Board by TNS, found that only 45% of those surveyed said they are satisfied with their jobs, down from 61.1% in 1987, the first year in which the survey was conducted.

“While one in 10 Americans is now unemployed, their working compatriots of all ages and incomes continue to grow increasingly unhappy,” says Lynn Franco, director of the Consumer Research Center of The Conference Board. “Through both economic boom and bust during the past two decades, our job satisfaction numbers have shown a consistent downward trend.”

So, what’s causing this frustration with work? My answer may surprise you.

I don’t think it’s just that we have crummy managers and unattractive offices. It’s not just that tasks can be boring.

The big reason I believe job satisfaction tends to be low:  We give our control for our careers over to other people.

I talk to hundreds of people about their work every month. And when I ask them, “How did you come to be doing the work you’re doing?” I hear over and over again:

• I fell into my work
• I stumbled into my work
• Someone (my boss, my parent, my spouse) told me I should do my work
• Someone told me I shouldn’t do the thing I really love
• I figured that if I did what I love, I’d be a starving… (you fill in the blank…artist, musician, chef, etc.) so I just gave in and did something to pay the bills

Are you guilty of one of these? I was. My first week of college at the University of Arizona, I called home (a collect call, on the dorm’s hallway payphone) to my father and told him that I’d declared a major.  “What did you declare?” my dad asked.  “Psychology!” I exclaimed, breathlessly excited. I knew my passion. I’d be studying it.

Then came the silence. I waited. And waited. And waited for my father to say something. “Dad? Dad? Are you still there?” I begged to know, panicked about his lack of enthusiasm.

“Susan, you’ll never make any money until you get to the PhD level.”

Those words were sufficiently frightening to me, at the tender age of 18, to send me in a new academic direction. I studied Economics and Marketing. I sacrificed my passion for money. I did that for most of my career. And slowly but surely, the life energy was draining out of me, until finally, in 2001, I decided that I didn’t want to be a 70 year-old woman before I studied my first love. I wasn’t 100% sure what I’d do with my studies, but my heart was calling to me.

We so often leave our hearts out of our decisions about our careers. This is a recipe for disappointment. Work will ultimately become a dirty four-letter word if your heart’s not in it.

What can you do about increasing your job satisfaction?

1. Take back control. Instead of surrendering your control to well-meaning friends, co-workers, managers, spouses, family members, listen to your heart.

Ask your heart:

• What are you needing more of?
• What are you hungry for?
• What do you truly want to express to the world?

Be patient. If you’ve not listened to your heart in a long time, it may be shy or reluctant to share. Or, it may be itching to talk to you. Get a journal and write down whatever comes. Trust your heart. Listen to your gut. Then, put your mind in the service of your heart (and your gut, and all your inner wisdom, even in your little pinky toes).

2.  Take baby steps. Most of us try to make change too quickly, honestly. I know, I know, we feel like we’ve gotta have that new job now. Or we have to make everything all better in one felt swoop.

I would ask you:  What’s ONE thing you could try out doing differently this week? Here are some ideas for first steps:

• Frustrating colleagues? Plan a conversation to clear the air and start fresh. Put it on the calendar. Then prepare by reading about a subject like Marshall Goldsmith’s non-violent communication so you have a model for communicating effectively.
• Angry manager? Read a great book like Douglas Stone & Bruce Patton’s Difficult Conversations so you know how to talk to your manager. Find something to do to let go of the anger, like taking a walk or writing in a private journal.
• Ugly office? Bring in a vase and fresh flowers. Put up a photo that pleases you.
• Unreasonable deadlines? Prioritize all of your projects, so you know what’s most important.Write a workplan and discuss it with your manager. If you can show that you’d need to work an incredible number of hours, look for solutions to eliminate or shorten steps, delegate portions, or create time-off after you put in a big push of work.
• Massive bureaucracies? Find experts in your organization who’ve mastered the art of getting things done – take them to lunch and pick their brains, so you learn how to do it.
• Never-ending meetings? Suggest trying out stand-up meetings as leader Bob Schoultz suggests. Most people will go faster if they’re not sitting down.

3. Believe that great work is possible. Many of us block ourselves with expressions like “work sucks” and “well, this is as good as it gets” or “I can just suffer through this.” Do you really want work that fits you? Then I believe you must craft your “work from within,” for if you do not believe, deep within yourself, that this is possible, you will sabatoge your possibilities for great work.

Great work is not just an idea. When you have great work, you embody it. So take charge, and follow your heart. Let it set your direction. And then ask your mind to help you move in that new, heart-felt direction.

With care,

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com

PS – Do you really, truly want work that fits for you?

What are you doing to create it?

I’ve got a great new 7-week webinar series, “Don’t Look for a Job! Create a ROLE That Truly Fits for You” that I’m offering on Wednesday nights from April 7 to May 19, 2010. Check it out at http://www.workfromwithin.com/calendar/rolethatfitswebinar/

Go ahead and get a taste! Sign up for a free preview call to learn more about that webinar. The free call is on Wednesday, March 3, 6-7 pm Pacific. Get all the details at  http://www.workfromwithin.com/calendar/rolethatfitswebinar/#1

Since 2001, I have been relaxing and unwinding from the tensions of life by listening to the ocean and studying with great teachers at the Esalen Institute, in Big Sur, California. I had to overcome a lot of resistance and false beliefs to allow myself to visit this place that now feels like a second home for me, an inviting oasis of calm and renewal.

You see, back in the mid-1990’s, I was running around as a management consultant, flying around on airplanes like in Up in the Air, living in hotel rooms, and spending too many days in in stress-filled board meetings. During that time, I first heard of Esalen. I honestly thought it was some kind of woo-woo New Agey place, filled with people wearing tie-dyed clothes and Birkenstocks. I was scared that the people who attended this place would be hippy-dippy dropouts from life.

I was wrong. When I finally went to Esalen for my first time, at the suggestion of a dear friend and fellow management consultant, I was delighted. I was recovering from a broken marriage, poor health, a family misfortune, and the demise of the dot-com where I had worked. All that trauma happened in five weeks, and I needed a break. Esalen offers all kinds of workshops, on topics from relationships to psychology to movement, arts, and creative expression. And the setting!  Dramatically situated on the cliffs of the Pacific Ocean in scenic Big Sur, California, it offers mountains, ocean, and pure, clean air, given that it is pretty remote from any big cities. The closest major cities are Monterey and Carmel, about an hour’s drive north. This means that you enjoy a super quiet escape in nature.

Flash forward nearly nine years. After being a participant in over 12 workshops in the span of nearly nine years, I am honored to be teaching a workshop at Esalen this January, — it’s called “Crafting Careers That Truly Fit – How to Work from Within“. If you happen to be at a career crossroads, wondering “what should I do next in my career?” this just may be the workshop for you.

From January 15-17, 2010, you can join me at the gorgeous Esalen Institute, and in this interactive workshop, you will

• Illuminate what’s important in your future career
• Replace ill-fitting social norms about “work” with visions of what you truly desire
• Brainstorm ways to create meaningful work
• Get clear about your next steps to pursue work that truly fits you.

I  have a special GIFT for you! I’m thrilled to offer this workshop – and to offer a special gift to you if you register for the workshop by the end of 2009.  I’m including a 50-minute phone coaching session with me after the workshop, plus a deck of “Get A Move On!” cards.  You can get more details on this special gift here.

If you are craving clarity about what’s next in your career, and you want to get back in touch with yourself and craft work that truly fits you, then, I’d love to have you join us in beautiful Big Sur for this workshop.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about the workshop, and I’ll be happy to help you see if it’s a fit for you.

Here’s to careers that fit!

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com

Happy Thanksgiving!

As we move towards the Winter Solstice, and the hours of sunlight grow shorter and shorter, this is a great time of year to turn inward and notice the people and circumstances for which we are most grateful.

I encourage you to express gratitude and thanksgiving to at least three people this week…and notice how you feel inside.  What emotions do you feel? How do you feel in your body? Perhaps you will feel love arising…not necessarily mushy, sentimental love, but a more universal feeling.

Pay close attention those positive feelings and sensations. Savor them. And then set an intention to spread those good feelings to your work. You might imagine a that the positive energy is like a mist and it spreads gently, touching any element of your life that needs to come into the light, some situation or relationship that is calling out for greater meaning and fulfillment. Then, exhale, and release the outcome. You might write down any insights or “aha’s” in a journal, and track what happens.

When you transform your feelings about a difficult issue or relationship, you “work from within” to regain your sense of impact. Instead of feeling so stuck, focusing on any positive aspect, even if it seems teeny, helps you to feel better and open up new possibilities. While you may not get exactly the outcome you expect, practice being grateful (even to the person or situation for being an extremely challenging teacher) and you are very likely to generate new choices. You fuel positive change with positive energy.

Your emotions and sensations are novel and original in each moment. So by allowing yourself to focus on positive aspects of in any moment, and feeling and sensing our own well-being, we transform our brains so that new neural pathways are created, instead of being “stuck in a rut.”

Maybe, just maybe, these suggestions will allow you to experience what the poet Khalil Gibran said of work…“Work is love, made visible.”

I’d love to hear how this works for you! Drop me at line at Info@WorkFromWithin.com

Happy Thanksgiving!
Susan

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com

PS – If you’d like to get out of a rut about your career, I invite you to read about the January 15 – 17, 2010 workshop I’m teaching at the Esalen Institute.

Each week, I’m  blogging about a different card from the Get A Move On! deck of cards. This week, I’ve chosen to share some wisdom about the card Extend Yourself!

This week, I’m trying something new.  Instead of telling you my intent with the card image, I’m focusing on what’s really important: Allowing YOU to express what it means to YOU to extend yourself.

So, when you’re stuck, or lost, or confused, and you need to find your direction, how does the guidance “extend yourself” help you?

What does “extend yourself” bring to mind for you?

How might you “extend yourself” right now?

I welcome your stories, observations, and thoughts about how this image and the wisdom to “extend yourself” touches you.  Thank you for extending yourself!  When you share, I promise to reply back on the blog.

Warmly,

Susan

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com

PS – Each week, I’ve been introducing a new card from the deck of 52 Get A Move On! cards I created.   When you’re feeling lost, confused, or unsure, these cards that are designed to help you get “unstuck.” Each of the 52 cards (plus two instruction cards) features an image and a phrase, and these whimsical hand-drawn (with crayon and pen, by me, Dr. Susan Bernstein) images is meant to get you inspired and moving.

Recently, one of my clients told me, “I only get things done when there’s a deadline attached to it.”  She was truly pleased that I had given her a deadline by which to complete a coaching assignment.  Otherwise, she dreaded that “it would never get done.” 

I started realizing how much people pressure themselves with deadlines.  I truly hate that word “dead” that’s at the front of “deadlines.”  Who wants to show up “dead” after doing all that work?  But with so much pressure, some people may as well be dead.  They just crush themselves under a condemning voice that always tells them what’s left to be completed. 

Look, it’s not as though I’m totally immune from deadline pressure, either.  But, actually, I prefer to have “lifeline” ease.

What’s “lifeline ease,” you ask?

Happy to answer.

I like to “throw” myself a lifeline in the form of the vision of the project being successfully completed.  In other words, I envision, from the start, a positive, happy, wonderful ending.  No, that’s not always easy to do.  Sometimes, I can’t believe how hard a task seems.  In that case, if things are feeling overwhelming, I’ll set a lifeline for a step that feels more manageable, a smaller chunk.  Or, I’ll imagine a positive lifeline in the form of a connection with someone who has the expertise to help me.  I’ll envision someone helpful showing up in my life.  For example, when my dissertation research was really stalled, I envisioned that I’d get a warm handshake and a smile from someone who had some idea how to help me out of my bind.  And, sure enough, that person emerged, in the form of a new chairwoman of my department.  She had some truly helpful advice that got me back on track, fast.

I prefer to see positive outcomes, and to allow myself to enjoy, as much as possible, each step along my journey.  I’m taking a different approach than pressuring myself and creating stress.  As I see it, our society is addicted to adrenaline.  It gets the job done in the moment, but over time, high-adrenaline lifestyles take their toll. 

Instead of setting a deadline, I encourage you to throw yourself a lifeline.  It’s also a little bit like a goal, but more like a target.  You know, with a target and a bow & arrow, how you’re trying to hit the bullseye? Well, that’s a pretty narrow spot.  What if you allow yourself a wider range?  That’s what I’m proposing with a lifeline.

So, for example, using lifeline might go something like this:

You have a paper you’re writing for work.  It will be presented at a conference in 30 days.  You know you’ll need at least 4 hours to write and edit the paper.  So, you make a promise to have it done within 28 days, so you’ll certainly have it done by then.  But you also set a “go for” of 20 days — a bit of a stretch.  And then, as a “super stretch,” you see if you can get it done in 14 days. 

Then, you track your progress.  You see how you’re doing.  And you know you can fulfill your promise to yourself.  You might also have the energy and time to “go for” it and get the paper done early.  And, if you feel really, really inspired, you might go for the super stretch.  Three “lifelines” all of which keep you moving and positive, not so stressed out. 

You can create “lifelines” for sales goals, for completion of “honey do” lists, and for lots of other projects. 

I hope you relax the need to work out of fear (”deadlines”), so you can do your work out of love (”lifelines”). 

Tell me what you think of lifelines, and how you use them.  I’d love to know!

To life!  L’chaim!
Susan

Are you excited about 2008?  I know I am!

My hope is that you are doing the work you want to be doing.  Work that
really fits you, from the inside-out. 

If your work is anything less than wonderful, read on.  I’d like to share
some tips for making 2008 a great year for your
career.

First,
take stock
How are you doing THIS year?  Let’s look at how you
invested.  No, not in the stock market.  I’m here to help with
career.

Let’s look at how you invested your LIFE ENERGY.  Make a list of
what drained your life energy, and where you have your energy gains.  In other
words, what are the things that sapped you, such as angry bosses or mundane
repetitive tasks?  And what are the things that fueled you, like creative
projects and cool co-workers?

Now, look at the list.  What energy gains
do you want to continue into 2008?  Plan time for them.  Talk to your colleagues
about making them happen.  Find ways to get even more gains into your life.

Then, look at the drains.  What do you want instead?  These are your
desires.  Make a conscious choice to have what you want instead.  Translate your
drains into desires.  You can even clarify your gains into desires. 

Next,
daydream
Now, take your list of desires, of desires and read it
aloud.  See how that feels.  And then let yourself daydream about those desires,
as though they are already fulfilled. 

Yep, I know.  That seems
frivolous and illogical. But, seriously, it works!  Daydreaming can open you up
to new avenues for exploration, particularly if you are feeling lost or stuck at
work.

Need more encouragement to daydream?  Check out this posting.   

After that, use the Law of
Attraction
Basically, the Law of Attraction states that when you think and when you speak, that magnetic
energy creates something.  So, let yourself think thoughts at are in alignment
with your desires and daydreams, not in conflict with them.  Avoid negative
thoughts.  Turn them around.

And,
afform what you
want
No, that’s not a typo. You may already know what an affirmation
is…it’s a positive statement of what you want.  Well, afformations are a bit of a spin, to make
what you want even more potent.  You see, we often bemoan our fate when we say
things like "Why aren’t I rich?" when we want more money.  Or if we want a thin
body, we wonder "Why am I so out of shape?"  On a so-called quest for love, we
sigh, "Why can’t I find the person I want?" 

So, our brain, doing what it usually does with WHY questions, starts seeking
the answer.  We’re asking the wrong questions…ones that take us down a
negative spiral. 

So, I suggest changing those three original questions to…
"Why am I so
rich?"
"Why do I feel radiant and healthy?"
"Why do I receive such perfect
love for me?"

Those are afformations!  Positive questions about why you are
getting the results (in this case, desires) you are getting.  Watch and see what
your mind does with these.  These are fun puzzles to solve.  I bet you feel
better as you create afformations — emotionally and physically!

Be grateful for what you have, right now
It’s all too easy to focus on lack.  And, really, we are all
fortunate, in so many ways.  My encouragement to you is to take a few minutes
now to write a list of what you’re grateful for in 2007.  How does that feel? 

You can change your energy for the positive by adopting a very simple
practice.  Each night, before you go to sleep, write or (even simply think of)
five things for which you are grateful.  Maybe that includes:  Your friends. 
Your health.  Nature.  Someone who did something helpful.  The chance to
contribute.

Cultivating an attitude of gratitude can help make so many of
your wishes come true.  Watch and see what that energy draws into your career
and your life.

Happy wishing!

Susan Bernstein
Coach, Author & Speaker
Work From Within, LLC
www.WorkFromWithin.com

Thanks to my friend, Rebecca Newburn, the Visionary Educator, I discovered something called afformations.

Yep, I spelled it correctly.

I am constantly interested in The Secret, the Law of Attraction, and anything about shifting energy to be positive.  Our thinking does create our reality, and our dominant ideas are all-too-easy to follow…that things need to be difficult, for example.

So, I am excited about a way of looking at those challenges in a new way. It has to do with the way we ask ourselves questions.

If we want wealth, we try the affirmation:  "I am rich."  If we want a great appearance, we say "I am slim." If we want love, we say "I have a great partner." 

OK, so these affirmations are all in the present tense, they are all positive…so why aren’t they working?

In the book, The Great Little Book of Afformations, authors Noah St. John and Denise Berard tell us that we’re asking questions that send the mind on a quest that isn’t in our best interest. 

We bemoan our fate with expressions like "Why aren’t I rich?" 
If we
want a thin body, we wonder "Why am I so out of shape?" 
On a so-called quest for love, we sigh, "Why can’t I find the person I want?" 

So, our brain, doing what it does with WHY questions, starts seeking the answer.  We’re asking the wrong questions…ones that take us down a negative spiral. 

I might change those three original questions to…
"Why am I so rich?"
"Why do I feel radiant and healthy?"
"Why do I receive such perfect love for me?"

Aaah, I notice how my body feels when I ask this second set of questions…open, relaxed.  My breathing is deeper.  I have an inner ease.

Try afformations.  I want to hear what they do for you, so let me know!

Wondering why do people tell me about their afformations…?

Are you using The Secret? 

If so, I’d be curious to know…in what areas of your life are you applying it? 

Last week, Miami Herald reporter Fred Tasker contacted me, because I offer a free teleclass on using The Secret in your career and he was writing a story about how people are using The Secret.

The jist of his story is about how The Secret gets overused for material purposes.  I happen to agree with that perspective.  What about you?  Do you think that too many people are using The Secret to "get stuff?"  You know, like cars and necklaces?   

I find that when people mention the material things they want, there’s almost always a deeper need or want that they are striving to fill.  In the case of compensation at work, people often use their salary as a gauge of their own worth.  But really, are you going to pin your self-worth on a number?  The deeper need with money, beyond self-worth, may be freedom.  Or, when someone wants a higher title, what they’re really telegraphing is "I want to be seen and appreciated." 

What do I think people really want at work?  Tasker’s article, entitled, The Secret, a self-help book, focuses on quick fixes quotes me as saying:

”I’m a little concerned that it’s so overly focused on material things,” says Susan Bernstein, a career coach in Mill Valley, Calif., who uses The Secret in training classes for young managers. “I don’t think that’s what people want — a necklace or a fancy car. The biggest thing my clients want is to feel connected to the people they work with.”

Are you seeking greater connection at work?  If so, I’d love to hear about it.  I’m writing an article about the desire for meaningful connections with our working colleagues, and would welcome your input.

Secret-Enhancing Suggestion:  Whenever you set out an intention, whenever you visualize what you want a la "The Secret," you ask yourself, "What’s behind my desire?"  And then, ask again.  And again.  Until you really get to the source of what you are wanting.  It’s usually a very fundamental human desire, like meaning, joy, harmony, or something essential, along those lines.

I’d love to hear from you about your use of The Secret.  What works for you?  What doesn’t?

With care,

I love the Law of Attraction.  I found this inspiring video that relates to Law of Attraction courtesy of my friend, Keesha Mayes, hostess of the Coach K Radio Show. 

watch video

If you like the Law of Attraction — if you’re attracted by it — I imagine these words will move you the way they move me.

Enjoy!