I hate sounding desperate.

You know, that sickly neediness. The sense of  “I’ll do anything to get your attention.”

But I’m doing it right now, because I’m desperate to help people embody Kick-Ass Confidence. Today.

Now, more than ever, people around you need true “I can handle anything” kick-ass confidence.

Take a moment and think of some people you know who need Kick-Ass Confidence…

I imagine you know at least one person who’s been out of work for over a year and is frightened about the future. Could you help that person by investing $97 to send them to the Kick-Ass Confidence program, so they can feel calmer? And when they feel calmer, they’ll have the clarity to explore new avenues for work. When will you enroll them?

I’m willing to bet you know someone who’s a “survivor” at her company, who made it through a ton of layoffs, and would do virtually anything to hold on to her job. If she enrolled in the Kick-Ass Confidence program, she just might have the guts to come home early a few nights a week, because she knew she was impressing the boss without always having to stay late. When are you going to pass this message along to her?

And I’m sure you have a friend or family member who is hungry to do something bold and audacious and needs Kick-Ass Confidence instead of fears and doubts. Maybe they need to break out of old patterns and try out a new business, a new city, or a new hobby. For this person (and maybe that’s you), Kick-Ass Confidence is the internal, always-present wisdom that says “I just know I can do it.” Would you share this message, right now, and help them move ahead?

The world is crying out for the talents & energies these people possess. They’ll feel so much better when they believe in themselves, no matter what. You’ll be inspired when you see them embodying Kick-Ass Confidence.

So, who do you know who needs Kick-Ass Confidence? Forward this message to your friend, colleague, or family member — right now. Tell them you believe in them. And you want them to succeed.

The Kick-Ass Confidence program starts tonight, October 19, and works on three levels: Body, mind, and spirit.

You learn to feel confidence, and know how to generate the feeling in your body, at will. And you discover how to release negative feelings and sensations so they don’t run you anymore.

You discover how to tame your mind in fun and easy ways (no, I promise they don’t involve sitting on a cushion or meditating) so you can focus on what works, instead of what doesn’t. That opens up options and allows you to believe in yourself, no matter what.

You find the power of your own spirit, and a collective spirit. It’s part of awakening to a power beyond yourself, so you don’t have to feel like you’re all alone. You sense support, not only from the group and our calls and private web pages postings. You also find out how to tap into a collective power that can help you get things done.

So, I’m desperate to give a few more people, who may not have heard about the Kick-Ass Confidence program, a chance to rock the world in a positive way. Because the program starts tonight, October 19.

Help get the word out about Kick-Ass Confidence. Forward this message to at least one person who needs it and say, “I believe in you. Check this out. I bet it will help.” You’ll be a hero.

Thanks,

PS – You’ll find all the details on the Kick-Ass Confidence program here.

Times are tough. Hope isn’t enough to get you through.

You need Kick-Ass Confidence, right now, to succeed.

What’s the big problem in your life that’s keeping you up at night?

If you’re struggling with hanging on to a job, or finding one, that’s tough. If you want to say the right things and make a good impression with your manager, and sometimes you just feel nervous, that’s hard. Unless you’re made of steel, you probably got some area of your life that’s hard for you right now. Something that leaves you wondering where your confidence went.

If you’re not feeling very confident, you’re not alone. Economically, politically, environmentally, and socially, we’re living in some very rocky times. Personally, I predict we’re in the chaos that comes when old ways are being shaken up and new, better things are on their way. But I know, my positive vision of the future is uncertain. While my prediction can give you some hope,  it doesn’t take care of the job search or give you a voice, or pay the bills.

Hope feels good for a little while. But it doesn’t sustain you through tough times the way that Kick-Ass Confidence does.

Kick-Ass Confidence is believing in yourself, no matter what. Kick-Ass Confidence doesn’t depend on the outcome. It’s all about the input. The attitude you bring to every challenge you face. When you have Kick-Ass Confidence, you stand strong, even when you lose hope. Hope is a poor substitute for Kick-Ass Confidence.

Kick-Ass Confidence is not acting all macho and posturing yourself to seem tough and in-charge on the outside. Kick-Ass Confidence is something you feel inside. It’s not always big. Sometimes, it’s a teeny weeny, itsy bitsy part of yourself that knows that you can be fluid and flexible enough to handle whatever comes your way.

When you feel Kick-Ass Confidence and you are looking for work, you don’t just “hope” something good will come along. With Kick-Ass Confidence, you access that part of yourself that knows you’ll land on your two feet. You may not know how, and you may not know when. It’s the ease within you that propels you forward. It opens you to new possibilities. Instead of panicking, you know how to stay calm and even excited. Then, you can reach out for support with so much va-va-voom that friends and family can hardly wait to lend a hand. Rather than feeling all confused about how to find work, you find the clarity within you, step by step. Eventually, you land a job or a project. Not so much through all your efforts. It’s about your energy, which seems to magnetically pull in what you need.

When you radiate Kick-Ass Confidence, and you want to make a good impression with your manager, you don’t “hope” you’ll find exactly the right words say. You speak powerfully from your belly instead of your spinning mind, and you trust in the words you speak in the moment will be fine. You’re focused on your own good feelings, instead of wishing and hoping that your boss would like you. And, when you embody Kick-Ass Confidence, maybe you even notice that your boss is a jerk, so you start looking for another gig. When you have Kick-Ass Confidence, you no longer put yourself at the mercy of other people. You’re in the driver’s seat in life, not the passenger in the back seat.

Whatever YOUR current big hairy challenge, when you feel Kick-Ass Confidence, you move from a passive stance to an active stance about your whole life. You know, deep in your bones, that you’ll do whatever it takes to make things work out. And even though you don’t know how they’ll work out, you trust that everything is happening for a reason, and that your story is ultimately a happy one. Even heroes go through rough times. They wouldn’t be heroic without some challenges. Heroes know, in their hearts, that these challenges just prepare them for an even better life.

You are not alone in feeling the challenges of our times. Whatever your challenges are, you can weather them with Kick-Ass Confidence.

Please join me for the four-week journey of creating Kick-Ass Confidence in your body, mind, and spirit, starting this Wednesday, October 19 (yes, that’s tomorrow). The investment of $97 will give you tools for creating Kick-Ass Confidence, and support from a group of other inspired people. That’s less than $25 a week for 4 75-minute weekly teleclasses, a private web board for asking questions and connecting with the group, all your handouts, and even bonuses like visualizations and exercises to build your Kick-Ass Confidence.

What do you want to create in the world? Overcome your challenges. Embody Kick-Ass Confidence. Join the journey, starting October 19.

Confidently yours,

What would YOU like to feel more confident about? Join me for 28 days of kicking your fears and doubts to the curb, and kicking up your confidence. Join the 4-week Kick-Ass Confidence program that starts Wednesday, October 19.

Are you along for the journey? C’mon. It’s fun. And transformational. And supportive. Oh, I could go on and on…

Words like “Let go” “Trust” and “All will be well” can make me feel like barfing.

Yep, I know that’s graphic. Yet honest.

You often hear those words from friends if you’re in the midst of a difficult task — like finding a new home, looking for a new job, or finding a mate — right?  They’re well meaning friends, I know. But all that “surrender” stuff can sound to me like it’s advice for airy fairy people.

Oh, come on! Really? If you’re engaged in an important pursuit, like figuring out where you’re going to lay your head at night, or what job’s going to pay the money so you can afford your rent, are you supposed to just stop looking and hope and pray that it will all work out? All those “release and trust God” phrases used to sound like mumbo-jumbo magic to someone as  analytical and anxious as me.

But now, I see things differently.

I understand that to embody Kick-Ass Confidence when you’re doing anything important — like seeking a new home or looking for your next job — you have to do two things. First, you have to take inspired action — you have to make some efforts on your behalf, rather than lying in bed, wishing and hoping that somehow, a great opportunity will just magically arrive to solve all your problems. Second, you do have to let go. You do have to just trust. You do have to believe that all will be well.

So when you do that, what are you letting go of? It’s not the action-taking. It’s  the outcome. In other words, how things will turn out. Because despite all your best efforts, you don’t control the outcome.

Let me make this practical: Last week, I met with a woman to discuss renting a room in her home. The house where I’ve lived in for over four years is on the market, so I may have to move quickly into new accommodations. Before meeting with this potential new housemate, I started losing confidence. “What if she doesn’t like me?” I wondered. “What if we have a bunch of disagreements about things like noise, sharing the bathroom, where I can park my car…” Basically, I was scaring myself with negative scenarios.

I realized that my confidence was caving. I was terrified of all sorts of bad things happening.

But then I remembered: I don’t control the outcome. She will either take me as a housemate, or not. My job is to focus on the input. What I say to this woman. How I treat her. How I show up for myself during our discussions.

I might be supremely tranquil, loving, wise, and give her my best soft sell about becoming her housemate. Yet she still might not choose me. She might decide she doesn’t want to rent the room to anyone. Maybe her daughter will come back to town and want it. Who knows?

Given that the outcome of our discussions is out of control, I can make myself feel a lot better by saying to myself: “I’ve given this discussion my best shot.”

And then I tell myself: “Let go.” “Trust.” and “All will be well”

In fact, I did that. And she told me, “I’d love to have you as a housemate. Let’s talk more, and really iron out the details.”

Sure, it could have gone differently. But regardless, when I let go, and trust that all will be well, I keep my spirits up. I believe in myself. I feel like Spirit is looking after me, like I will get good results, even if I don’t exactly know when those results will or emerge. Or how the outcome will look.

What about you? How do you feel about letting go and trusting that all will be well? Share your comments, below.

Releasing all outcomes,

What would YOU like to feel more confident about? Join me for 28 days of kicking your fears and doubts to the curb, and kicking up your confidence. Join the 4-week Kick-Ass Confidence program that starts Wednesday, October 19.

Today, I’ve got five fast ways to transform fears and doubts into Kick-Ass Confidence in just a few minutes…or even seconds.

As much as I love teaching about Kick-Ass Confidence, sometimes I have a rough day. Or for some unknown reason (I tend to blame it on something I ate) I start feeling down about myself. So I made myself a list of quick, tried-and-true tools I can use to create a turnaround. I actually keep this list on my iPhone, so I know it’s there when I need it. Like a prescription for the blues.

Here are my five suggestions on how to create Kick-Ass Confidence right now. You can copy them and paste them into your PDA, onto your computer, or print them out and post them where you’ll remember them:

Dr. Susan’s quick remedies when your confidence crashes…

(1) Write a list of five times when you did feel confident, about anything. Sometimes, we need a reminder that this lack of confidence is not a permanent condition. A kick-in-the-pants to say, “Hey, you’ve been confident before…you can do it again.” Take 5 to 10 minutes and write a list of times you felt even an  itsy bitsy bit confident. Maybe you’re really confident when it comes to playing baseball. Or at talking to children. Or fixing toilets. Or cooking eggs. Let yourself feel your own juju coming back into your body as you recall previous times you’ve felt confidence.

(2) Call or text a good friend and say, “Tell why I’m a kick-ass human being, please.” Most friends are intuitive enough to know when we need a confidence boost, and they’re only too happy to oblige. If you’ve lost sight of your confidence, let someone else help you bring it into focus again. Drink in their words like they’re the most precious elixir on earth. Because in that moment, they incredibly vital and life-affirming.

(3) Shake out the bad stuff. Yep, gently shake your body, for 1 to 5 minutes imagining that you’re shaking out the negative feelings, thoughts, and sensations. Shaking is the body’s natural “reset” button. It also gets the blood and the oxygen flowing again. You exit that icky state of paralysis that overtakes you when you have a bout of the doubts.

(4) Get out of your head. When your confidence and self-esteem take a dive, follow that downward direction out of your swirling mind. Put your attention in your feet. Wiggle them. Move your tootsies. Maybe even dance a few little steps. Your body provides a faster route to self-confidence than the mind, which often likes to argue and find (silly) reasons you shouldn’t be confident. When your brain starts talking negatively, transfer your attention to your feet for a few minutes. This seemingly goofy approach can shift your mind. But don’t take my word for it. Try it yourself.

(5)Have a talk with yourself. What if you could be your own sweet, kind parent when you’re feeling a collapse in confidence? What would you say to yourself? Go ahead, talk to yourself. Aloud, if you can. Yes, really. It helps to hear yourself. If you’re at the office or somewhere where’s that just plain crazy, then try writing yourself a letter, from the most compassionate caring part of you. Give yourself the pep talk you wish someone else would give you.

Oh, let me add just one more. This one might take just a wee bit longer…less than a week…

(6) Sign up for the 4-week Kick-Ass Confidence program that starts Wednesday October 19. You’ll discover how to transform fears and doubts into kick-ass confidence.  To feel confidence, three areas of your life all have to be working together. That’s true whether you want to feel more confident at work, in your relationships, with money, with yourself, or with your body. And we address those three areas in simple, yet powerful ways. You’ll learn…

• How to soothe your spinning mind when you lack confidence – so you can think wise thoughts
• How to radiate confidence in your body — in your gut, your heart, your bones, and all of you – so you can radiate positive mojo
• How to connect to your spirit — so you can access lots of help when you need a confidence boost with tons of great suggestions to help you feel great about yourself, no matter what.

I would love to welcome you to the Kick-Ass Confidence program. Read all about it. If you have any questions, drop me a line.

Kick up YOUR confidence!

PS – Need some confidence for your job search? Check out the instant digital download of Job Seeker’s Confidence Kit!

CONFIDENCE.

When you DON’T have confidence, you feel that awful knot in the pit of your stomach. You start to question and doubt yourself. The boogeymen bombard you with fears that can stop you in your tracks.

When you DO have confidence, you can weather all kinds of storms. Financial troubles. Concerns about keeping your job. Wondering what the future holds. These all become easier when you feel that relaxed, calm, clear feeling inside.

So, if you’re dealing with chaos and uncertainty in your life right now, how do you create confidence?

I’m going to talk about that on a f’ree teleclass, tonight.

But for now, let me tell you one of the biggest secrets to feeling confident:

Get out of your head!

When your mind is spinning, it just doesn’t help you get anywhere. There’s something reassuring about listening to your body, instead of just your mind, when everything seems to be in turmoil. Your body holds wisdom to get you through.

But how do you listen to your body? What do you to do calm down and get confident? Ah, that’s what I’m going to share in tonight’s f’ree teleclass.

I’m here to help you get back in touch with your confidence. If you’ve been experiencing fears and doubts. So please join me, tonight, for a  f’ree teleclass to boost your confidence.

Get the Details on the  Create Kick-A** Confidence  f’ree teleclass:

Date: Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Time: 6 pm Pacific, 9 pm Eastern
Cost: F’REE!  (Gotta love that!)
Register: Click here

You’ll get a taste and a preview call of the  4-week class I’m teaching on Kick-A** Confidence. In just 28 days, you’ll receive tons of  wisdom to keep your mind, body, and spirit feeling calm and courageous.

In these tumultuous times we live in, we all need ways to kick fears and doubts in the butt, and embody Kick-A** Confidence instead. Join me for the f’ree teleclass and kick your confidence up a notch or two!

Confidently yours,

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Work from Within

I love reading poetry. And this lovely poem, from my friend Tara Sophia Mohr, captures a vital facet of Kick-Ass Confidence, what Tara refers to as the “you-shaped hole.” In fact, just this morning, before posting her wisdom, I re-read it, and felt more confident, even in the face of some of the turmoil I’m experiencing about finding a new home and creating my new work.

I trust you’ll enjoy Tara’s wise words…

Sometimes the world feels inhospitable.
You feel all the ways that you and it don’t fit.
You see what’s missing, how it all could be different.

You feel as if you weren’t meant for the world, or the world wasn’t meant for you.

As if the world is “the way it is” and your discomfort with it a problem.

So you get timid. You get quiet about what you see.

But what if this? What if you are meant
to feel the world is inhospitable, unfriendly, off-track
in just the particular ways that you do?

The world has a you-shaped hole in it.
It is missing what you see.
It lacks what you know.

And so you were called into being.
To see the gap, to feel the pain of it, and to fill it.

Filling it is speaking what is missing.
Filling it is stepping into the center of the crowd, into a clearing, and saying, here, my friends, is the future.
Filling it is being what is missing, becoming it.

You don’t have to do it all, but you do have to speak it.
You have to tell your slice of the truth.
You do have to walk toward it with your choices, with your own being.

Then allies and energies will come to you like fireflies swirling around a light.

The roughness of the world, the off-track-ness, the folly that you see,
these are the most precious gifts you will receive in this lifetime.

They are not here to distance you from the world, but to guide you
into your contribution to it.

The world was made with a you-shaped hole in it.
In that way you are important.
In that way you are here to make the world.
In that way you are called.

- Tara Sophia Mohr

Tara Sophia Mohr is the creator and teacher of the global Playing Big leadership program for women, a pioneering program that blends inner work and skills training for leaders from business, the arts and the social sector. Tara earned her MBA from Stanford University, where here studies focused on leadership and innovation, and her undergraduate degree in English Literature from Yale University. She is certified as a coach through The Coaches Training Institute.

How do you get the kind of confidence Tara is talking about? Join me for a FREE teleclass, this coming Wednesday, October 12, at 6 pm Pacific, 9 pm Eastern. You’ll discover a new way to view confidence, and learn some of my best tools and techniques for feeling strong and powerful, no matter what. Learn to attract what you really desire into your life, with greater confidence. Sign up for the Creating Kick-Ass Confidence FREE teleclass by clicking here.

If there’s someone who’s modeled the value of “pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again” persistence, it’s Kelly Lester. She radiates confidence, even when she’s weathering intense challenges. Often, when we’ve spoken, she’s been juggling six to eight big projects, all at the same time. I’m amazed at how she does everything she does. And so I asked her to write about confidence. I trust you’ll enjoy her wisdom…

From an early age, my parents encouraged me to “speak up” and to stand up straight. I’m not sure that I was confident, but I looked and sounded like I was! Great posture and and an ability to assert myself were the first steps. (When I was a child, my grandmother used to brag about me to other people like this: “She’ll get along great in life.”) But it’s when I started teaching myself skills and realizing that I could learn just about anything (with enough time and patience) that real confidence followed.

If I understand how to do something, I love to share my knowledge with others and I feel that I’m truly able to inspire people due to the fact that I’m sure of myself when I give them advice. It’s very rewarding when I teach people things, especially when I see my own confidence “rub off” on them. I’ve found that it’s true what they say: the more I give, the more I get back. That’s not to say I’m confident all the time, but I know that when to turn up my inner strength on a task. I always strive to give everything I’ve got when I approach a project. I commit to doing my best, even if I know the outcome might be some kind of failure or rejection.

Whether you’re lucky enough to have had self-confidence from a young age, or even if you’ve recently acquired it, don’t ever forget that feeling. Recall a time you’ve felt Kick-Ass Confidence, whatever that event might be — making a great recipe, saying just the right thing at just the right time, taking on a challenge that used to frighten you — and imagine you can keep that event in your pocket, so you can remind yourself of your capabilities. While we can’t be winners all the time – I’ve certainly had my share of tough times – the important thing is to not let setbacks break your confidence in your own abilities. Ultimately, that confidence resides in you, not in the outcome. So keep believing in yourself. Always.

KELLY LESTER is a mom of 3, the creator and CEO of EasyLunchboxes, and an accomplished actress and singer. She’s been seen on stages from coast to coast as well as on the small and big screen. She juggles family and business on an hourly basis, tirelessly alternating between having her hands on the computer keyboard and on the steering wheel of her minivan. She lives in Woodland Hills,  California, with her husband, actor Loren Lester and their family. Learn more about Kelly and EasyLunchboxes at www.EasyLunchboxes.com

Hey, it’s Dr. Susan again:  if you want Kelly’s kind of Kick-Ass Confidence, join me for a FREE teleclass, this coming Wednesday, October 12, at 6 pm Pacific, 9 pm Eastern. You’ll discover a new way to view confidence, and learn some of my best tools and techniques for feeling strong and powerful, no matter what. Sign up for the Creating Kick-Ass Confidence FREE teleclass by clicking here:

It’s a total joy to share this guest post by Lissa Rankin, MD. I’ve adored Lissa, founder of Owning Pink, since I met her. She has an unsinkable spirit and oozes creativity and, of course, confidence! Here are her wise words about stepping into your greatness, which surely requires confidence!

It’s so freakin’ easy to play it small. And no wonder! From the time we’re children, we’re encouraged to let the guy win so you don’t make him feel bad, to minimize your beauty so your friends won’t get jealous, to tone down your genius so others won’t feel threatened, to dim your light so no one feels dark in your shadow.

My five-year-old daughter thinks she’s brilliant, innovative, artistic, gorgeous, popular, and wildly lovable. And all of those things are true. But the sad truth is that sometime in the next few years, no matter what I do to try to counterbalance the pressures she’ll be subjected to from all sides, my superstar child will start dialing it down. She’ll shade her sparkle. She’ll get socialized to fade.

She won’t be alone, of course. Her friends will all be trained to do the same. They learn playing small in school, right along with the reading, writing, and arithmetic. And we tend to reinforce what they learn.

We dress up the tendency to play small with words like “humble,” “modest,” and “unpretentious.” Those who don’t play small get labeled with supercharged words of criticism like “arrogant,” “cocky,” “full of herself,” “conceited,” “egotistical,” and “narcissistic.”

Sheesh. None of us want to get saddled with that kind of baggage, so we dial it down and then wind up middle-aged, having lost touch with our pizzazz.

What nobody tells you when you’re twelve, learning how to be humble and unpretentious, is that we’re giving up one of our greatest gifts when agree to dim our light for the sake of being accepted into the world of unremarkable people.  I’m not suggesting you can’t be simultaneously humble and sparkly- just look at Jesus! But when we step away from our greatness in order to fit in, we dig our own coffins, especially when it comes to our professional lives.

I’ve learned the hard way how to navigate the loneliness of being a bright, shiny light (you can read about how I felt as a child here http://www.owningpink.com/blogs/owning-pink/dedicated-to-the-outsiders). But the older I get, the more fearless I am about stepping into my own greatness and embracing my light.

Here are some of the things I’ve learned along the way.

10 Tips For Stepping Into Your Greatness

1. Nobody can dim your light but you.
2. Dialing it down doesn’t really make anyone else feel better. It just makes you feel worse.
3. Confidence and narcissism are not the same thing. Narcissists lack true confidence and overcompensate to make up for the lack.
4. When you step into your greatness, you attract more people than you repel.
5. The confident know they will always land butter side up. Those people take more risks, fall down more often, and wind up shining the brightest.
6. All you have to do is your best. Stepping into your greatness doesn’t mean achieving some unattainable benchmark. When you do your best, you let your light shine.
7. Being confident means managing your fear. When your fears outpower your confidence, you dim your light. Stepping into your greatness requires facing your fears head on and making the choice not to let them rule your decisions any longer.
8. Within your vulnerability lies your strength. Stepping into your greatness doesn’t mean tooting your own horn. Sometimes your greatest strength lies in your flaws, frailties, and foibles.
9. It’s okay to brag. Yes, your vulnerabilities can be your strengths, but it’s also okay to shout your triumphs from the rooftops. Imagine if we all gave ourselves permission to say “I rocked it today!” What if we started every conversation by asking “What’s awesome in your life?” Wouldn’t life be grand?
10. You can’t claim credit for your greatness. Within this wisdom lies your humility. We are all vessels for the Divine to shine through us when we get our egos out of the way. Why would you want to dim your light when it’s merely Divine light shining through you?

Lissa Rankin, MD is a physician, author of two (soon to be three) books, a professional artist, a blogger, a Pink Medicine revolutionary, an online entrepreneur, a mother, a rollercoaster buff, and a lifelong student of stepping into her own greatness and encouraging others to do the same. Learn more about Lissa at OwningPink.com

One of the wisest women I know, Hollis Polk, has an important distinction to share with you about confidence. Does confidence really have to do with the outcome…or your input? I think you’ll find her words give you a new perspective on confidence, one that makes it easier to for you embody what confidence really feels like. By the way, I’ve got two FREE resources to help you kick up your confidence!  Click each link to get these: (1) The free Kick-Ass Confidence Email Series and (2) a free teleclass “Creating Kick-Ass Confidence” on October 12. Sign up for your freebies…I’m confident you’ll enjoy them!

“I’m confident” is rarely a complete sentence. Usually, it’s followed by something specific. You say, “I’m confident that…”, as in

• I’m confident that the sun will rise in the morning, or
• I’m confident that my mother will make a nasty crack about someone at tonight’s dinner party, or
• I’m confident that I can pass this exam, or
• I’m confident that I can win over this audience.

Where does confidence come from? Usually it comes from experience, from which you’ve deduced a pattern, and/or  some kind of external learning.

You’re confident that the sun will rise in the morning because it has for every single day of your life, as it has for every single day of the lives of everyone you know, and because astronomers have explained the earth’s rotation, relative to the sun. That is experience plus learning.

You’re  confident your mother will make that nasty crack because she’s done it at every other dinner party you’ve been at with her. That’s experience.

You’re confident that you can pass the exam because you’ve passed all the exams before and because you’ve done all the homework. That is experience plus learning.

You’re confident you can win over an audience because you’ve done it so many times before. This is the untold secret behind so may young stars. Crystal Bowersox, who came in second at American Idol in 2010 at the age of 24, was amazingly poised. Why? Because she began performing professionally at the age of 10. That is, she’d been a pro for 14 years by the time she got to American Idol. 14 years is a lot of experience — it’s a long time to both perfect your craft and to learn the patterns that it takes to win over an audience. That’s how you develop confidence at both the craft and the performing edge.

What do you do if you aren’t confident?

If you aren’t confident about something, it means you don’t have enough experience and/or knowledge. Which means that your task is to get that experience and/or knowledge.

If the subject about which you lack confidence is not within your control, like the sun rising or someone else’s behavior, then you must do whatever research you can. Something else you can do is to plan for different possibilites. Flexibility can make up for a lack of a sure pattern.

If you need confidence about something within your control, then your only answer is practice. When I was an engineering undergrad, and terrified about my grades in technical courses, which consisted only of exam scores, my father said, “The answer is simple: do every problem in every textbook you have.” Dad was right! I did all those problems and immediately began to ace all my exams. Then I became confident that as long as I did this admittedly prodigious amount of work, I’d succeed.

So developing confidence is simply a matter of increasing your knowledge and gaining experience. Ask yourself:

• How can I learn about this subject?
• How can I practice the skills I need?

When you have the answers to these questions, do the work suggested by those answers.

Hollis Polk (www.BestPsychicByPhone.com) is a life & relationship coach, who has been helping adults deal with divorces, break-ups, new relationships & how to find the right mate for over 15 years. To do this, she blends neurolinguistics and hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance, and the commonsense learned in over 20 years of business experience. Her education includes an engineering degree from Princeton and a Harvard MBA. Hollis hosts “Your Life, Your Relationships”, a call-in advice show, on www.ProgressiveRadioNetwork.com.

Today’s guest post is by artist Marianne Hale. What a joy she is. I love how open Marianne is with her life, including the ups and downs. She shows great confidence…and courage, which is much like confidence. I’m thrilled to share her wise words on courage. Oh, and check out the lovely photograph of courage…that’s Marianne’s original artwork.

Courage: 1.the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc.;  fearless; bravery.

Old French, equivalent to cuer or heart: as in, 1. the center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition, feeling, or emotion.   2. the center of emotion, especially as contrasted to the head as the center of the intellect. 3. capacity for sympathy; feeling; affection + -age: a suffix typically forming mass or abstract nouns from various parts of speech, occurring originally in loanwords from French (voyage; courage).

Thus, Courage is being…

In the center, acting from intuition, feeling & affection.

“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage”.

~Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Letters to Lucilius

What is courage?…   For sure, you, the reader, perform great and small acts of courage everyday. This photo, taken on the Sonoma Coast in Northern California, speaks courage to me. There were two other potential words for this week: Grow and Faith. The photo of “Grow” would have required me to give something up. You see, it is not the most beautiful of my photos although the word itself speaks to a new period in my life. “Faith” is an oldie but goodie, and again, although, striking in its’ own right, it lacked the pizazz that felt required for this particular weekly photo that I post. How many of us these days need to stand firmly in the center of ourselves, with Spirit, and act from a place of intuition, feeling and affection? To follow the deepest callings and longings of our spirits to soar in whatever way we were meant to in this lifetime? I am having, once again, the spiritual 2′ x 4′ from the Universe en*couraging me to get on with what I know I am here to do in spite of the fear, anxiety, and yes, what the past has been. Courage may be saying no, standing up, sitting down or simply waiting for the answer to come. And most often, as in my case today, fear and anxiety doesn’t go anywhere, it is simply feeling it, blowing it a kiss and replacing it with love and inspired acts from the center of my being, getting on with it.

And that, my friends, is courage! Here’s to all of the courageous acts of your one precious life!

“Courage is Love. Definitely.” – Peter Willetts, a very wise man.

Artist, photographer, creative facilitator and muse, Marianne Hale loves to create. Whether that creation is a collaboration with nature to produce art and a photo, creating community in her “Playshops” or launching new products to bring more joy to life.  You can find her work at: www.mariannehaledesigns.com