I’ve been quiet about Occupy Wall Street.

Until now.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the movement.

And I think Occupy Wall Street is a force for good. But I know not everyone agrees. So I’ve addressed that here, in this short video

What do YOU think about Occupy Wall Street? Share your views here, on the blog.

I think it’s time we all have a voice. Especially to hear what’s good.

Occupying good thoughts,

I love reading poetry. And this lovely poem, from my friend Tara Sophia Mohr, captures a vital facet of Kick-Ass Confidence, what Tara refers to as the “you-shaped hole.” In fact, just this morning, before posting her wisdom, I re-read it, and felt more confident, even in the face of some of the turmoil I’m experiencing about finding a new home and creating my new work.

I trust you’ll enjoy Tara’s wise words…

Sometimes the world feels inhospitable.
You feel all the ways that you and it don’t fit.
You see what’s missing, how it all could be different.

You feel as if you weren’t meant for the world, or the world wasn’t meant for you.

As if the world is “the way it is” and your discomfort with it a problem.

So you get timid. You get quiet about what you see.

But what if this? What if you are meant
to feel the world is inhospitable, unfriendly, off-track
in just the particular ways that you do?

The world has a you-shaped hole in it.
It is missing what you see.
It lacks what you know.

And so you were called into being.
To see the gap, to feel the pain of it, and to fill it.

Filling it is speaking what is missing.
Filling it is stepping into the center of the crowd, into a clearing, and saying, here, my friends, is the future.
Filling it is being what is missing, becoming it.

You don’t have to do it all, but you do have to speak it.
You have to tell your slice of the truth.
You do have to walk toward it with your choices, with your own being.

Then allies and energies will come to you like fireflies swirling around a light.

The roughness of the world, the off-track-ness, the folly that you see,
these are the most precious gifts you will receive in this lifetime.

They are not here to distance you from the world, but to guide you
into your contribution to it.

The world was made with a you-shaped hole in it.
In that way you are important.
In that way you are here to make the world.
In that way you are called.

- Tara Sophia Mohr

Tara Sophia Mohr is the creator and teacher of the global Playing Big leadership program for women, a pioneering program that blends inner work and skills training for leaders from business, the arts and the social sector. Tara earned her MBA from Stanford University, where here studies focused on leadership and innovation, and her undergraduate degree in English Literature from Yale University. She is certified as a coach through The Coaches Training Institute.

How do you get the kind of confidence Tara is talking about? Join me for a FREE teleclass, this coming Wednesday, October 12, at 6 pm Pacific, 9 pm Eastern. You’ll discover a new way to view confidence, and learn some of my best tools and techniques for feeling strong and powerful, no matter what. Learn to attract what you really desire into your life, with greater confidence. Sign up for the Creating Kick-Ass Confidence FREE teleclass by clicking here.

Confidence can look many different ways. I love the supportive, nurturing energy that guest blogger Lorie Marrero, of the Clutter Diet, brings to today’s uplifting message. Enjoy!

Confidence is sexy. I have two teenage boys, and I am always trying to teach them this secret about women. Many of us are attracted more to confidence than to looks! And I mean true, inner confidence, not cockiness. Big difference. Cockiness shows the opposite, betraying an insecurity that is being masked. Show me an okay-looking man who exudes confidence and certainty, and I will choose him any day over a fabulous-looking guy who is uncomfortable with himself.

Confidence opens doors. I have made progress with an opportunity many times by confidently asserting through my demeanor, my words, my actions, or a combination of all three that I should be there—in that room, in that area of the building, in that meeting, or in that conversation.

Confidence makes people say YES. People want to follow a leader. If you are confident, people are more likely to say yes to whatever you want to do, because you project that you can successfully lead them to it and through it.

Confidence is something you owe to those you serve. One of my favorite quotes is a single line plucked from a famous Marianne Williamson passage, which says, “Your playing small does not serve the world.” When I am feeling meek and doubtful and scared, this one sentence snaps me right out of it. We owe it to those we serve to confidently step up and step into the role we are able to play.

What does “confidence” mean to you? It’s great to see a variety of perspectives. Please share your definition here.

Lorie Marrero is a bestselling author and is the creator of ClutterDiet.com, an innovative program allowing anyone to get expert help at an affordable price. Lorie is the spokesperson for Goodwill Industries International, and she writes weekly as the organizing expert for Good Housekeeping’s Home Style blog.

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Hey, it’s Dr. Susan again: So how do you get the kind of confidence Lorie is describing?   join me for a FREE teleclass, this coming Wednesday, October 12, at 6 pm Pacific, 9 pm Eastern. You’ll discover a new way to view confidence, and learn some of my best tools and techniques for feeling strong and powerful, no matter what. Learn to attract what you really desire into your life, with greater confidence. Sign up for the Creating Kick-Ass Confidence FREE teleclass by clicking here.

If there’s someone who’s modeled the value of “pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again” persistence, it’s Kelly Lester. She radiates confidence, even when she’s weathering intense challenges. Often, when we’ve spoken, she’s been juggling six to eight big projects, all at the same time. I’m amazed at how she does everything she does. And so I asked her to write about confidence. I trust you’ll enjoy her wisdom…

From an early age, my parents encouraged me to “speak up” and to stand up straight. I’m not sure that I was confident, but I looked and sounded like I was! Great posture and and an ability to assert myself were the first steps. (When I was a child, my grandmother used to brag about me to other people like this: “She’ll get along great in life.”) But it’s when I started teaching myself skills and realizing that I could learn just about anything (with enough time and patience) that real confidence followed.

If I understand how to do something, I love to share my knowledge with others and I feel that I’m truly able to inspire people due to the fact that I’m sure of myself when I give them advice. It’s very rewarding when I teach people things, especially when I see my own confidence “rub off” on them. I’ve found that it’s true what they say: the more I give, the more I get back. That’s not to say I’m confident all the time, but I know that when to turn up my inner strength on a task. I always strive to give everything I’ve got when I approach a project. I commit to doing my best, even if I know the outcome might be some kind of failure or rejection.

Whether you’re lucky enough to have had self-confidence from a young age, or even if you’ve recently acquired it, don’t ever forget that feeling. Recall a time you’ve felt Kick-Ass Confidence, whatever that event might be — making a great recipe, saying just the right thing at just the right time, taking on a challenge that used to frighten you — and imagine you can keep that event in your pocket, so you can remind yourself of your capabilities. While we can’t be winners all the time – I’ve certainly had my share of tough times – the important thing is to not let setbacks break your confidence in your own abilities. Ultimately, that confidence resides in you, not in the outcome. So keep believing in yourself. Always.

KELLY LESTER is a mom of 3, the creator and CEO of EasyLunchboxes, and an accomplished actress and singer. She’s been seen on stages from coast to coast as well as on the small and big screen. She juggles family and business on an hourly basis, tirelessly alternating between having her hands on the computer keyboard and on the steering wheel of her minivan. She lives in Woodland Hills,  California, with her husband, actor Loren Lester and their family. Learn more about Kelly and EasyLunchboxes at www.EasyLunchboxes.com

Hey, it’s Dr. Susan again:  if you want Kelly’s kind of Kick-Ass Confidence, join me for a FREE teleclass, this coming Wednesday, October 12, at 6 pm Pacific, 9 pm Eastern. You’ll discover a new way to view confidence, and learn some of my best tools and techniques for feeling strong and powerful, no matter what. Sign up for the Creating Kick-Ass Confidence FREE teleclass by clicking here:

One of the most FUN people I know in the whole wide world is Marilyn LoRusso. Her outlook on life is so upbeat and playful. Here, on the subject of Kick-Ass Confidence, she shares an excerpt from her upcoming book, “FUNitude – 10 Ways to Raise Your FUNtelligence Quotient for Your Body, Mind & Spirit.”

To me, feeling confident means taking action from a place of  inspiration and alignment. When I pause to give myself even a little bit of time to get inspired and aligned before I take action, then my action takes on a quality of flow and richness. My body tells me that everything just feels right.

Waiting until I feel aligned and inspired before I take action is a simple confidence-building process. For example, I might take a deep breath and ask myself, “What am I feeling?”  What do I want (instead of need) to do next that will continue my good feeling or improve on a less-than-good feeling? The answer come immediately (which of course, feels so good).  Or, I might need to take a few more deep breaths, or begin to imagine how it would be if I felt good.  Or, I might read a list of tried-and-true thoughts that always help me to come to an inspired and aligned place. Starting from there makes everything so much easier. Then, it becomes more FUN to take the next action towards my goals.

So let me tell you about these tried-and-true thoughts I use to create FUN. I intentionally create FUN in my life — and you can, too — by…

• suspending certainty, and instead trusting that all is well,
• trusting that well being abounds,
• trusting that when you feel aligned and go with the amazing flow of life, the ride of life becomes so much more FUN.
• trusting that you do not have to know everything before it happens.

When you begin to trust in these statements,  life feels so good. To me, that is the basis of true confidence.

I’m here to remind you that life is supposed to be FUN! When you add a sense of FUN to any situation, you transform the energy of that situation into something positive. Those positive experiences, that you generate from within yourself, allow you to naturally radiate confidence. I believe that expressing your confidence — in ways that feel fun and flowing for you — is the greatest gift you could ever give yourself and everyone around you.

Marilyn LoRusso writes the weekly column, “For the LOVE of Kids,” which appears on the Larkspur-Corte Madera Patch online news site. She is the author of the ebook series, “Celebrating Children – Conversations with Kids – The Funny, Poignant & Clever Things They Say.” For Marilyn, it’s all about feeling inspired and focusing on the best in every situation. Find her on the Web at www.funitude.net.

One of the wisest women I know, Hollis Polk, has an important distinction to share with you about confidence. Does confidence really have to do with the outcome…or your input? I think you’ll find her words give you a new perspective on confidence, one that makes it easier to for you embody what confidence really feels like. By the way, I’ve got two FREE resources to help you kick up your confidence!  Click each link to get these: (1) The free Kick-Ass Confidence Email Series and (2) a free teleclass “Creating Kick-Ass Confidence” on October 12. Sign up for your freebies…I’m confident you’ll enjoy them!

“I’m confident” is rarely a complete sentence. Usually, it’s followed by something specific. You say, “I’m confident that…”, as in

• I’m confident that the sun will rise in the morning, or
• I’m confident that my mother will make a nasty crack about someone at tonight’s dinner party, or
• I’m confident that I can pass this exam, or
• I’m confident that I can win over this audience.

Where does confidence come from? Usually it comes from experience, from which you’ve deduced a pattern, and/or  some kind of external learning.

You’re confident that the sun will rise in the morning because it has for every single day of your life, as it has for every single day of the lives of everyone you know, and because astronomers have explained the earth’s rotation, relative to the sun. That is experience plus learning.

You’re  confident your mother will make that nasty crack because she’s done it at every other dinner party you’ve been at with her. That’s experience.

You’re confident that you can pass the exam because you’ve passed all the exams before and because you’ve done all the homework. That is experience plus learning.

You’re confident you can win over an audience because you’ve done it so many times before. This is the untold secret behind so may young stars. Crystal Bowersox, who came in second at American Idol in 2010 at the age of 24, was amazingly poised. Why? Because she began performing professionally at the age of 10. That is, she’d been a pro for 14 years by the time she got to American Idol. 14 years is a lot of experience — it’s a long time to both perfect your craft and to learn the patterns that it takes to win over an audience. That’s how you develop confidence at both the craft and the performing edge.

What do you do if you aren’t confident?

If you aren’t confident about something, it means you don’t have enough experience and/or knowledge. Which means that your task is to get that experience and/or knowledge.

If the subject about which you lack confidence is not within your control, like the sun rising or someone else’s behavior, then you must do whatever research you can. Something else you can do is to plan for different possibilites. Flexibility can make up for a lack of a sure pattern.

If you need confidence about something within your control, then your only answer is practice. When I was an engineering undergrad, and terrified about my grades in technical courses, which consisted only of exam scores, my father said, “The answer is simple: do every problem in every textbook you have.” Dad was right! I did all those problems and immediately began to ace all my exams. Then I became confident that as long as I did this admittedly prodigious amount of work, I’d succeed.

So developing confidence is simply a matter of increasing your knowledge and gaining experience. Ask yourself:

• How can I learn about this subject?
• How can I practice the skills I need?

When you have the answers to these questions, do the work suggested by those answers.

Hollis Polk (www.BestPsychicByPhone.com) is a life & relationship coach, who has been helping adults deal with divorces, break-ups, new relationships & how to find the right mate for over 15 years. To do this, she blends neurolinguistics and hypnotherapy techniques, decision science, clairvoyance, and the commonsense learned in over 20 years of business experience. Her education includes an engineering degree from Princeton and a Harvard MBA. Hollis hosts “Your Life, Your Relationships”, a call-in advice show, on www.ProgressiveRadioNetwork.com.

Today, I’m buzzing with excitement to introduce you to Daphne Cohn, the Pleasure Nutritionist. She’s has such wonderful ways to share inner wisdom. She gets right to the point about finding your Kick-Ass Confidence. Read her wise words. Then, share how they move you. ~ Dr. Susan

I could share with you a story of a time when I felt really, really confident. But it probably wouldn’t mean a whole lot to you.

I could tell you about someone I know who seems to be really, really confident, but that would probably mean even less.

So instead I’m just going to cut to the chase and tell you my very best method for creating confidence.

Listening.

Most of us don’t listen. We follow.

We follow what someone tells us to say and do. What someone says to eat and how much to move. What someone thinks we’re good at and what another someone thinks we stink at. And we spend our lives not listening.

But true confidence comes from listening. To oneself.

Taking time to tune in and find out

• What makes my heart sing?
• What do I want to do tonight?
• What does my body want to eat?
• Do I feel like going to bed?
• Do I want to make love?
• What clothes feel good on me?
• When do I feel beautiful?

Because true confidence only comes from within. And the one who really knows is always, not just sometimes but always, you.

Today take some time to listen.

Stop what you’re doing. Take 2-3 deep breaths. And ask your beautiful, wise self, what s/he wants. And then listen for the answer. When you hear one, honor the answer.

It only has to take a minute.

And it’s a surefire way to feel kick-ass confident.

Go ahead. Try it right now. Ask yourself what you want. Listen. Share with us: What do you hear?

Yes, yes, yes, Daphne! You’ve named two key elements of confidence that I’ll be sharing in the Kick-Ass Confidence program — Presence and Preferences. When we sense these, we can do anything! Join a free preview of the Kick-Ass Confidence program on Wednesday, October 12. Sign up to learn how you can radiate confidence, from the inside-out.

A bit about the amazing Daphne Cohn, aka The Pleasure Nutritionist:  Daphne is a Whole Health Educator, Raw Foods Specialist and Intuitive Eating Counselor. She has taught courses on nutrition locally and around the United States. Daphne has created several online health and wellness courses. Her new book, “Screw Weight Loss,” is due out in fall 2011.  Check out her heartful, body-loving, delicious programs at http://thepleasurenutritionist.com

Confidence doesn’t always blossom in the ways we expect that it might.

Take, for example, my client, Heather. She decided to do coaching with me because she lacked confidence at work. Despite deep technical skills in sustainability and eco-friendly development, Heather hated to give presentations, especially to the Board of Directors of the non-profit where she’d worked for the past five years.

Heather confided: “I’m so afraid the Board of Directors is going to grill me about issues that I don’t fully understand. I get tongue-tied when all those men in suits ask me questions. And there’s a woman, Beatrice, on the Board of Directors who always glares at me during meetings, so when I present, I’m terrified that she’ll find out I don’t know as much as I’m supposed to know.”

Bottom line: Heather had the skills, but not the confidence, to impress the Board members.

To help Heather prepare for an upcoming board meeting, I asked her to role play with me, imagining that she was presenting news about an important new eco-awareness project she managed. I pretended to be Beatrice, and just stared at Heather as she spoke. Sure enough, she got all flustered. “I want to stop this! I hate that I can’t hold it together when people look at me that way!”

Confidence is palpable. You can feel it in your body.

Working from the premise that when you put your attention in your body, you ease your mind, I asked Heather a weird question:  “Can you feel your feet right now?” Heather looked at me cock-eyed and said, “Um, sure.” I asked her to try speaking again, but this time, to feel her feet as she spoke. “Feel my feet? OK, I’ll try it.” Heather took a few seconds to sense her feet, really feeling them. Then she began speaking about her new eco-awareness project. This time she kept her eye contact with me. “Wow! Feeling my feet, I feel more like I’m really here, like I’m more centered and present.”

In the next breath she said “But I am having trouble concentrating in both places at the same time, my head and my mouth. There’s a board meeting  tomorrow. I don’t know if I can be ready so soon.” Heather let out an audible sigh.

“You’re trying something new. Yet you’re approaching this new tasks with high expectations of yourself,” I told her. “Yep. I’m a perfectionist,” she replied. “Hey, let’s drop the labels,” I suggested.

We know confidence when we see it. And we can grab it for our own.

Then I asked a vital question, “Who do you know who confidently tries new things with gusto? Who just jumps right in, without worrying how they’ll turn out?”

“Well, that’s easy. My 7 year-old nephew, Eugene. It’s amazing to see him try anything new. He laughs. He smiles. He gets so excited by novelty. And for some reason, if he does something wrong, he just giggles. And he literally shakes it off, kind of moving his head in big circles, like he has long hair that he’s waving around. He’s so easy going!”

“Close your eyes and visualize Eugene, with all his energy and exuberance,” I directed Heather. “Now, imagine that you’re infusing yourself with his confidence. Like some of his playful energy is moving right into you. How does that make you feel?” I waited as Heather took some deep breaths. A huge smile rose across her previously serious face.

“Oooh! Strong. Powerful. Even playful!”

“Great! Keep feeling how your body feels with this energy!” I coached Heather to open her eyes slowly, feeling that Eugene energy within herself. “Now, feeling that energy, and feeling your feet firmly connected to the earth, go ahead, and tell me about your eco-awareness project.”

This time, as she spoke, Heather was positively lively, clear, and connected to me. I glared at her, hard, like Beatrice would, but she was unfazed. She moved around, full of energy and vibrancy, sharing the details of her program with a passion and conviction I had only imagined she had. When she finished her remarks, she looked at me a little sheepishly. “Um, that was fun. Was I any good? Did I sound too much like a kid? Because I kind of felt like one.”

It’s awe-inspiring to watch someone who embodies confidence.

Heather’s presentation was fully adult and professional, and also full of kid-like spunk and verve. Essentially, she nailed it. I advised her to take this energy into the meeting the next day. Despite her misgivings about invoking her 7 year-old nephew when she spoke, she positively impressed the Board. So much so that Beatrice approached Heather and said, “I’ve always thought you were smart, but I used to think you weren’t very articulate. Something different happened today. I saw your confidence. You sparkled. You lit up the room and convinced us to invest in your eco-awareness project. Very well done!”

Later that week, Beatrice took Heather aside and said, “I kind of think you’ve outgrown this organization. It’s too small for you. You need to be at a company where you can have a bigger impact.” After all Heather’s years of non-profit work, Beatrice introduced her to colleagues at a major Fortune 50 company, who ultimately hired her to address ecological issues. She’s got international responsibilities now, and influence as well. It’s paid off for Heather to find her Kick-Ass Confidence from a 7 year-old. And now, that confidence is irrevocably hers.

So, who do you know who confidently tries new things with gusto? And when are you going to try on their Kick-Ass Confidence. Experiment like Heather did, even in a small way. Then post here and let me know what happens.

With gusto,

What would YOU like to feel more confident about? I’ve decided to write a whole month of blog posts on creating Kick-Ass Confidence, from mid-September to mid-October. Each day, I’ll be sharing stories, ideas, and practices for cultivating feel-it-in-your-bones, deep-rooted, self-confidence. Get the whole series delivered to your email box, for free! Plus other fun goodies to help you boost your confidence. Subscribe now by clicking here.

Do you have Kick-Ass Confidence?

After blogging about it for a week, I realize that Kick-Ass Confidence is a feeling of exhilaration that arises when you know in your gut that no matter what happens, you will believe in yourself.

Do you wonder if you’ve got the “Kick-Ass” part of confidence? Perhaps “kick ass” conjures up images of being tough, with a thick skin, and a ninja-like fighting quality, with a sense of bravado? Oooh, not my intention! Sounds like hard work to me. No thanks.

To me, the “Kick-Ass” part is all about feeling good no matter what. Sure, I could have called it, “Feel Good No Matter What Confidence,” but that’s a mouthful! For me, “Kick-Ass” is about the exhilaration, the juicy deep-down feeling rooted within you, keeping you navigating towards inner well-being, even when circumstances outside of you might not seem all that positive.

Can you imagine feeling good about yourself when a bunch of seemingly negative things happen all around you?

I discovered that I could about 10 years ago. In a brief five week period, my marriage dissolved, I moved from a huge house to a teeny temporary apartment, someone in my family sustained an injury that required a month-long hospitalization, I had two surgeries, and I was laid off from my job. No house, not such good health, and no job. My life changed substantially in five weeks.

If you had all these unsettling experiences in such a short span, how would you embody Kick-Ass Confidence?

Here’s what I did to have Kick-Ass Confidence in the midst of chaos. I know these three simple steps, if you really apply them, can work for you…

(1) Slow down to the speed of your BODY to find the power of your own sweet presence

Kick-Ass Confidence is something you embody. You feel it in your bones. You breathe it. You live it. There’s no need to fake your emotions. So you can have Kick-Ass Confidence at the same time as challenges in your life are upsetting you. The difference is, when your confidence is firmly rooted in your body, you don’t bend and sway and lose your center when difficulties arise (and they will in life; that’s unavoidable). Sure, I was distraught to have my life turned upside down back in 2001. But that view of my life was, and will probably always be, a set of ideas. Concepts. That’s what my mind dreams up. I thought “I am a marketing manager,” so losing my job made me be shocked to be “unemployed.”

When the world is spinning, one of the best things you can do is to feel your feet on the ground. And put a hand on your chest and feel your heart beating. Notice your chest rising and falling as you breathe. When you focus on what’s happening in your body, moment to moment, you enter the present moment. Stay there for a while, noticing sensations in your body. Do this as long as you can. Just hang out with yourself and describe, in your mind, what you’re feeling. “I notice my breath in my belly. I feel a tightness in my shoulders, especially my left one. My right forearm is pressing hard against the computer as I’m typing.”

Notice and silently describe your sensations. This practice can really transform anxiety into peace. If you’re like me, too often, you hang out with the “idea” of yourself, the image of you we think you should be. That’s a mental game. When you get into your body, and feel your sensations, you come into the present moment. That’s the most precious moment, ever. And as you keep inviting yourself, through the wisdom of your sensations, to be in the present moment, you give yourself the gift of your own sweet self. You get to know you.

If you want a sensational, kick-ass life, pay attention to your sensations. They’ll guide you back to the true you. The you that has tons of Kick-Ass Confidence.

(2) Attune your MIND to the positive channel.

What messages you are broadcasting to yourself? The words you say to yourself have an impact. And you get to determine how they play out.

Here’s an example:  During that chaotic five-week period back in 2001, I began to watch my mind and the thoughts it was conjuring up. At first, they were scary! “What if I never get a job again and I spend all of my savings, and I wind up homeless, in the street, like a shopping bag lady?” Aaaak!

I began to notice that I was the one who generated those scary, fearful thoughts. Sure, my friends and family could worry about me. But can be an expert in anxiousness. Soon after all the nuttiness, I gave up my television. Without a television, I observed that I was less anxious. It occurred to me that my mind was like the television. Sometimes, it was broadcasting on a very negative channel.

If you want to embody Kick-Ass Confidence, you need to be broadcasting positive, uplifting programming. Sure, sometimes you’d rather watch something violent, like wrestling, on TV. But in your own mind? Try out more uplifting thoughts. To do that, think of a project where you’d like to embody more Kick-Ass Confidence, like talking to your boss or speaking in front of crowds. Then, make a list of the thoughts that are worrying or frustrating you about this project. One by one, upgrade the thoughts. So instead of saying, “My boss will always hate me,” try on “I am going to do my best with my boss, and I’ll appreciate myself, no matter what.” You’ll know you’ve found a good phrase when your body feels relief, like letting out a sigh, breathing more deeply, or feeling more energized.

(3) Connect with SPIRIT.

When you’re lacking confidence, do you tend to isolate yourself? Many people do, out of a sense of shame. Maybe you wish your circumstances were different. To ease your journey of change, connect to spirit.

I see spirit as two-fold:  Your own inner spirit, and Spirit with a capital “S.” Your own inner spirit is that place of higher wisdom, the ever-affirming self, the part of you that transcends your judging ego and trusts that everything always works out, but you may not always know how or when it will work out. In moments of hardship, find a quiet place to relax. Gently put a hand on your heart and ask your inner spirit to give you guidance. Trust whatever wisdom comes. Usually, the inner spirit uses simple words and brief phrases, rather than being complex and convoluted. Nuggets like “Just take one step at a time” often emerge.

That Capital S, Spirit, is a power bigger than you, bigger than me, that imbues us all. Some other names for Spirit are God, Jesus, Christ, Allah, The Universe, Source, and Higher Power. Whatever you choose to call it, when you need Kick-Ass Confidence, I encourage you to call on Spirit to help you. So you might pray. Or you might write poetry. Or you might even scream out, “Spirit, I need your help, now!” Tapping into unseen forces requires faith. Even if you have the tiniest sliver of faith, with patience, it will build. So will your confidence. Try speaking aloud or writing a wish or a prayer to Spirit, and see what magic happens.

When I took simple steps with these three elements — body, mind, and spirit — back in 2001, the chaos lifted. Instead of going back to work I hated, I had the confidence to pursue the psychology studies I’d always dreamed of, and eventually earned my PhD.

What will YOU do — in mind, body, or spirit — to have Kick-Ass Confidence? Share your commitment, so we can support you!

Simply yours,

What would YOU like to feel more confident about? I’ve  decided to write a whole month of blog posts on creating Kick-Ass   Confidence, from mid-September to mid-October. Each day, I’ll be sharing   stories, ideas, and practices for cultivating feel-it-in-your-bones,   deep-rooted, self-confidence. Get the whole series delivered to your email box, for free! Plus other fun goodies to help you boost your confidence. Subscribe now by clicking here.

I’ve been writing all about confidence. Like having the confidence to start a new job, feeling confident when you’re crying, and what I learned about confidence from a mountain of dirty dishes.

But the story I’m about to share with you is a doozie. I got hurt, I got angry, I got fired, and I got happy.

As I was working in the Esalen kitchen last month, challenged me. Since I’m under 5 feet tall, I had to ask for help. A lot. “Could you reach a colander for me, so I can wash these tomatoes, please?” or “Might I ask you to help me lift the peanut butter bucket?” Generally, my co-workers were friendly and accommodating.

I got hurt
About two weeks into my job, a senior staff member, whom I’ll call Paul, asked me to empty one of the coffee urns. Dinner time was fast approaching, and normally, the coffee is refreshed right beforehand. I hate admitting any weakness, but I looked at Paul and sheepishly said, “Um, I can’t lift those urns.” He glared at me, let out a big exhale of frustration, and walked off. I decided I’d better empty the urn.  A workshop participant saw me struggling to lift the urn off the coffee bar, and gave me a hand. I slowly took it to the sink, opened the top to empty the urn, and then realized I didn’t have sufficient leverage to pour it out safely. I accidentally poured hot coffee on my left forearm.

It took Paul a few minutes to notice that I was running my arm under cold water, wincing in pain. He took me over to the sink on the chef’s line, out of the constant flow of staff scurrying around to keep the dinner entrees stocked. The chef took notice, and asked how I was feeling. The burn hurt, so I let out some angry explicatives, like f*** and s**t. It struck me as odd that he went back to cooking, rather than asking what I needed or coming over to comfort me. So I got upset, put some ice in a plastic bag, and stormed out of the kitchen. Sitting outdoors, in the kitchen receiving area, one of our paid cleanup staff saw me and asked what had happened. When I explained how I’d been burned, he asked what he could do to help. “Tell the chef that I’m pissed and hurt and I don’t know what to do.”

The chef came out to see me, and immediately told me to go get medical assistance at the main gate. “They have this really great burn cream and I think you need that.” But oddly, he didn’t ask how I was feeling, or express any emotional concern. I marched myself to the gate, alone, and the staff there paged a nurse, who listened to my story, bandaged me up, and helped me feel a little more at ease.

I got angry
My shift had ended by the time I was patched up. I ate dinner with my fellow work scholars, and as I retold the story, I realized I was fuming mad at the chef, who had not shown me any empathy. I felt ignored. I was shocked at his utter ignorance of my feelings. He stuck only with the facts, that I needed a special burn gel at the gate. I would have liked to have someone walk me, uphill, to the gate, as I felt woozy and scared. But that didn’t happen.

Historically, I’ve hidden my anger. But I was at Esalen, and this was a month for me to try on new patterns. I was so fuming mad at the chef that I marched myself into the kitchen and said, “I need to talk to you. Now. Can we please go outside?” Remarkably, he came with me, and I prefaced an angry tirade with a warning, “I usually hold in my anger. But right now, I can’t. I don’t express anger well, so I’d like to ask forgiveness now if I seem unreasonably upset.

Then, I spewed anger as I told him that I did not like the delay in getting medical assistance, the apparent lack of care and concern shown when I got hurt, and particularly how he, the chef, had not shown any empathy, like saying, “I’m sorry this happened.” I felt a mix of seething rage and fear at how I was expressing my hot emotions. The chef replied “Hey, that’s your projection. Your expectations of me. Maybe you wanted the empathy and comforting, but you can’t demand that of me.”  I was shocked at his response, so much so that I did not know what to say. Ultimately, in what felt like a messy way, I told him how frustrated I was with working in the kitchen. How I hated having to ask for help so often. How I did not know what I was supposed to be doing a lot of the time. How I was overwhelmed with trying to remember where we stocked items. I went on and on about how the job was challenging me, mightily. Somehow, I found my kick-ass confidence to express myself, fully, even if I was feeling shaky on the inside.

I got fired
The next day, I looked at the burn on my arm, which was, thankfully, very minor, and decided I could work. During my morning shift, that same chef gathered all of the staff for a quick “check in,” a chance to find out how everyone was doing. Most other departments do that every day, but the kitchen had been so busy that we’d skipped a bunch of these check ins. When it was my turn, I expressed how upset I was about getting burned, and anxious I felt about the next day, when I would be washing dishes. Squeezing the hose’s sprayer taxed my hands, standing on a makeshift platform to reach the sink hurt my hips, and I was feeling too overwhelmed to handle the seemingly endless pots and pans that staff would dump into the sink, awaiting my cleansing powers. I hated complaining, but I took the risk to be honest. I had a kick-ass confidence about me.

Later that afternoon, the chef called me into the kitchen office. I figured I was in huge trouble. In a way, I got fired. I was told, very matter-of-factly “You’ll now be working in the Farm & Garden. Starting tomorrow. He pointed to Shirley, the Farm & Garden manager, and said, “You’ll like it. They do a check in every day in her department. And they meditate. It’s your kind of place.” He said nothing else, and then Shirley asked me to be at work, in grubby clothes, at 7 am, to be oriented.

I got happy
Hmm, let’s see. What happened? I got burned. Got angry. Decided to find my inner confidence and radiate it out, even if it didn’t look shiny, happy, polished, and sweet. No, I had an angry confidence. And to boost my confidence, I expressed my own reservations about the level of anger I was feeling. I was straightforward and, ultimately, powerful.

I don’t know, honestly, what transpired to move me from the Kitchen to the Farm & Garden. From what Esalen long-timers tell me, switching departments is a rarity, and the spots in the Farm & Garden are very limited. So I consider myself extremely lucky. If this had been another organization, the outcome of expressing myself so confidently (even if it was a shaky confidence) might have been different. I ultimately wound up loving the work in the dirt, being in nature, even though I really had some reservations about it. More on that in future blog posts…

So, how about you? When’s a time you let out the full force of your emotions, and let your kick-ass confidence rule the moment? How has being true to your emotions allowed you to be confident?

Fired up!

What would YOU like to feel more confident about? I’ve decided to write a whole month of blog posts on creating Kick-Ass Confidence, from mid-September to mid-October. Each day, I’ll be sharing stories, ideas, and practices for cultivating feel-it-in-your-bones, deep-rooted, self-confidence. Get the whole series delivered to your email box, for free! Plus other fun goodies to help you boost your confidence. Subscribe now by clicking here.