It’s no fun to feel stuck in work you hate.

But there’s always a way out. Always. It just may not be what you envisioned. But sometimes, you have an inkling of it.

That’s the case for my former client, Marie-Florence Tieu, who, after completing her MBA, took a job in search engine marketing. And she felt bored, unfulfilled, and frustrated. While that’s obviously  not the only job for MBAs, something was nagging her on the inside. She couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do next, but search engine marketing wasn’t it. She went to career coaches who gave her assessments and tests. And those only confused or frustrated her.

Marie-Florence ran into a common shift that makes it so much easier to find or create work that fits. If you want work that truly fits you, that feels really congruent with who you are and what you care about, you can’t figure it out. You need to feel it out.

In the face of uncertainty, most of us go into mental overdrive, trying to get our logical brains to frame their quest for a new job as a problem. Then, they try to analyze the situation and end up with an elegant solution. Only there’s not really a problem. Or there’s nothing really to solve. I recommend a focus on intentions instead. In other words, that you get clear about what you do want, rather than focusing on the problem of work that doesn’t fit, or in asking yourself, “How will I figure out what to do next?” That approach relies way, way too much on your head. Most of us have wily, crafty brains. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. It’s just that we miss out on listening to our hearts. And our guts. And the wisdom that lies below our necks.

You wouldn’t choose your spouse by reading their resume, would you? Not if you wanted to have a passion-filled relationship. Then why do you think that you can lay out the facts about your talents, and somehow come up with a picture that uplifts and inspires you? If that’s what you’re trying to do, I’m here to suggest that you turn the equation around. Start with what uplifts and inspires you, and then lay out how you’ll get there. Or, better yet, create a vision of what you want, take one step at a time towards it, and see what you discover.

But don’t try to have the whole career change mapped out all at once. Don’t. That’s not only a headache. That’s not only unrealistic. That’s not only hard. That’s impossible.  Yet too many people think that’s what they need to do, which creates unnecessary turmoil.

In our work together, Marie-Florence discovered how to “take the elevator down,” as I call it, moving from the head to the heart, gut, and whole-bodied wisdom. Too often, we suffer through work that drains us, with the hope that it will get better. And we mentally convince ourselves to stay and stay and stay…until we move from stress to burnout. And then we feel stuck. Yuck.

When she learned to listen to her body’s signals, Marie Florence got clear about work she wanted to do. It’s almost like it was in her bones. Even as a child, she cared for people, like her brother, who is mentally handicapped and autistic. She explored a few potential paths, including teaching tennis, but ultimately got totally excited at the thought of going to nursing school and becoming a nurse. She’s completing her prerequisites now, and will attend UCSF for nursing school starting June 21st!

I briefly interviewed Marie-Florence about her transition from marketing to nursing. If you’re considering a shift in your career, you may find her story, in the recording below, enlightening and inspiring. And you may get an idea of why learning to “work from within,” and trusting the innate instincts and impulses in your body is so vital to making positive change.

Click here to listen to the recording of my interview with Marie-Florence.

Celebrating change,
Susan

PS – In this posting, I’ve shared one of seven shifts to work that fits: If you want work that truly fits you, that feels really congruent with who you are and what you care about, you can’t figure it out. You need to feel it out. If you want to discover HOW to make this shift in your own career, and learn six other shifts that will help you have work that fits, please join me on Wednesday, July 7, from 6:00 – 7:30 pm Pacific (9:00 – 10:30 Eastern) for an interactive webinar “Seven Shifts to Work That Fits.“  You’ll also get a workbook, time for Q & A, and a video recording of the webinar that you can download and watch again and again, whenever you like.

There’s only room for 24 participants, and those places will get snatched up quickly…so grab your space by registering now. Isn’t it time you had work that fits you?

Today, I’m pleased to share a guest post from my friend and colleague, Lisa Brookes Kift. Lisa is a psychotherapist, writer and creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com. She provides tools and resources for marriage, relationship and emotional health.  She is the author of the Therapy-At-Home Workbooks® series for individuals and couples, offering a cost effective, do-it-yourself, therapist-guided alternative to counseling for some issues.

Like me, Lisa left a high-stress, seemingly high-prestige job that left her drained. Both of us have chosen to pursue working with people in a more caring, supportive way. Based on her rich life experience, Lisa brings a sensibility about how work can impact the rest of our lives. In this blog post, Lisa helps us to think about our emotions, which are vital signs to let us know how much our work aligns — or misaligns — with what we truly seek to create in our lives. I trust you will benefit from her wise words.

When you think of the term “emotional health,” what comes up for you?  There are numerous components to one’s “emotional health” and though many are the same for most people, the reality is there is a special cocktail that resonates with each of us individually – and is unique to us.

My own life experience and the experiences of many of my previous therapy clients has demonstrated to me that career choice is one important element to emotional health for many of us.  I know it sure is for me.

I used to work in the “glitzy” and “glamorous” world of movie and television production; with well known actors, directors and on films and TV shows you’ve likely heard of.  As much as I initially thought this was the dream career for me, it wasn’t.  In fact, it became evident that I was missing out on lot of life and my relationships suffered as a result of the long, unpredictable hours, weeks spent out of town on location and general chaos that was my life when on a show.  This ultimately started not only to emotionally and physically take a toll but it hurt my soul in such a way that I decided to leave, go back to school and train to become a therapist.

Career discontentment can be very stressful, whether it be about doing a job that has no meaning, is a toxic environment, or is simply against your grain.

Here are a few signs that you might be in a career that is leading to unhappiness:

• Work avoidance.
• Excessive worry about work.
• Increase in illness or physical pains with no medical explanation.
• Defensiveness and frustration.
• Substance abuse.
• Bad mood impacting family life / relationships.

The great thing about career discontentment, as uncomfortable as it is, is that it has the potential to help drive you forward to do something different, to search for meaning and satisfaction elsewhere.  If you can break through the fear of it – and are able to logistically pull it off – then career reflection and possible direction shift can be an important step toward your emotional health.

When I made my big career move it was a mentor who helped me to understand this was possible and helped me explore and challenge my fears around it.  The person for me happened to be a therapist but there are other mentor-type people (like Dr. Susan Bernstein) who can assist you with dissecting the various layers unique to you in contemplating “what next?” if you’re at a career crossroads.  Perhaps members of your support system can help you.  Maybe a therapist can assist you in finding clarity on the issue like mine did for me.  Whatever method you choose, it’s in the best interest of your emotional health – and in some cases, physical health and relationship health - to do so if possible.

It’s human nature to seek happiness, fulfillment, emotional and relationship health.  I am grateful for having the ability to do such a significant career change as I realize not everyone can easily manage this.  I am passionate about my job of psychotherapist and there is no question that I’m doing work that is for in line with who I am internally.  It feels great!

I’ve had it!

I can’t try to be perfect anymore.

Here’s what happened:  I posted a video for a contest. I initially felt good about my creation. But those feelings of satisfaction with my creation didn’t last long. I started comparing myself to others who had entered the contest. I was driving myself — and a few friends — nutty with the search for flaws, rather than the search for what went well. Although I know better than to beat myself up, it was like I became ultra-focused, addicted even, to seeking out the so-so, rather than praising what worked. And, of course, this focus on the negative left me feeling small, drained, and downright depressed.

I’m done.

I’m fed up with being a perfectionist. I do the “perfectionizing” to myself, so I have no one else to blame. Not even the people who like to point out my flaws.

Today, I officially announce that I’m an “im-perfectionist.” I’m choosing to live in imperfection. That doesn’t mean that I’ll settle for crappy quality, or that I’ll do a so-so job on any project or for any client.

If you’re exhausted by the endless mental chatter of “I could’ve done better,” or “Why didn’t I get this right?” or “Someone else always seems to have just a little edge on me,” I invite you, too, to drop this intense self-flagellation. It’s time to become an im-perfectionist.

I’m sharing this insight to make a point about the stranglehold that perfectionism can have. You see, with the help of a friend, I had happily made a video for Hay House, as part of a Movers & Shakers contest to win either a four week radio show or a live online event. I adore Hay House and their authors like Dr. Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, and Caroline Myss. I care deeply about helping people to coming alive at work and and about “maximizing your ROLE, your Return on Life Energy.” It would be such an honor to get to share my messages with the Hay House audience, to inform, inspire, and educate them so they can transform their work so it truly fits.

I posted my video on April 30, and felt really proud. Hey, that was a full day before the May 1 deadline. I liked how I looked. I liked the message. Sure,  I had other ideas I wanted to include. But, wow, it’s an improvement over the few videos I’ve ever made. I played the video a few times, then sent the link to friends and family to get their reaction. They were mostly positive, with a few suggestions here and there.

Those suggestions got me nervous. I started thinking about what I could’ve done better. Like telling more of my story of career change. Or shortening the introduction. Or telling people that this message is important whether you want to stay in your job, change jobs, or you’re out of work. I started to not feel so good. Not so proud. I started to see all the problems, not all the passion and promise that I poured into the message originally.

My wanderings into perfectionistic torture made me do something downright dumb. I went to YouTube and started looking at the other contestants’ entries. And one in particular stopped me in my tracks. That person looked better than me. Showed better graphics than mine. Told better stories. Looked more polished…

I agonized. I cried. I wished I’d done so many of the things that this contestant had done. I felt like a failure.

And then I realized I didn’t need to do this to myself. You know the saying that “hindsight is 20/20 vision?” Well, sure, if I’d known all of these things, I might have created my video differently. But you know what? I did the best I could in the moment. And that was perfect. And in the next moment, as soon as I looked at anything else, my creation would look like a mess. If I let it. And then I’d deny myself the chance to learn.

More importantly, I’d deny myself the chance to celebrate what I had accomplished. I entered a contest. I made myself vulnerable. I shared a message that really matters to me in a very public way. I poured my heart and soul into a creation. I asked for help and got it from a friend who taped me and set the lights and helped me to edit the video.

I’ve decided that it’s important to allow for (seeming) im-perfection. That it’s more important to stretch and grow and try than to stay stuck or worried. I realized that if I want to grow and do bigger and better things, I’m going to naturally bump into what I could do better. Hmm, I believe that’s called learning. That’s true learning, in the moment, as opposed to what we do in the classroom, where we’re graded, and we either get the answer right…or wrong. It’s just not that binary when we’re out of school. The school of life is about being an im-perfectionist, of allowing what we create in the moment to be just perfect as it is.

What is an im-perfectionist?

• Someone who chooses to do his or her best, and who revels in what does work, not what doesn’t work
• Someone chooses to stop negative mental chatter that somehow naturally arises (it seems to be part of our culture to be critics)
• Someone who is compassionate with him/or herself
• Someone who chooses to learn from others’ examples, rather than playing a nasty game of comparison
• Someone who choose to believe that as long as you do your best, that’s perfect for now, and, actually, it’s perfect for forever

Sound good to you to be an im-perfectionist? So, will you join me in being an im-perfectionist? I hope you’ll share your story of embracing imperfection. I trust it will be, ironically, perfect!

Imperfectly yours,

Susan

In my last post, I introduced you to my client, Lucy Armentrout, who “returned” to being a realtor, after years of exploring other work in the field of real estate.

Now, I’m thrilled to tell you about an exciting free event that Lucy is hosting for those of us in the San Francisco Bay Area:

Discover the charm of living in the creative community of Rockridge — a family-friendly urban oasis in Oakland. Lucy is offering a FREE Guided Walking Tour on Sunday, April 11th, from 1 – 3 pm.

For Bay Area folks who are tired of long commutes, alternately chilly or stifling weather, routine dining and shopping, Rockridge is a great contrast. Lucy invites you to come explore Rockridge on Sunday April 11th. Discover urban living within this vibrant and unique community that boasts excellent schools, easy commutes and strong neighborhoods.

On Lucy’s informative and fun tour, you will:
•    Receive a map of kid-friendly neighborhood spots
•    Receive information on Rockridge area schools and housing
•    Enjoy Rockridge’s vibrant collection of specialty retail shopping and dining establishments
•    Soak up the Bay Area’s best springtime weather
•    Receive discounts from local vendors
•    Be entered into a drawing for $150 in prizes

You do need to reserve a place to qualify for prize & discounts, and to find the tour location’s starting point.  Call Lucy Armentrout at 510.220.6445 or email Lucy@Grubbco.com

Congratulations, Lucy! And, hope you, Dear Reader, will come out and support Lucy and experience the Rockridge lifestyle. I’m sure Lucy will be happy to tell you about rediscovering her career passions in our work together, too. In fact, I’ll be on the tour, and happy to meet you!

Come out for the tour!

Susan

Can you ever go back to a career from your past?

Sometimes, people wonder, “If I change jobs, and I hate the new one, can I go back to an old one?” You know what? I rarely find that people do that.

Unless they loved that work.

In this case, it’s happened.

Here’s the story of one of my current clients, who is approaching a seemingly “old” job with new gusto. Lucy Armentrout came to me after working as a realtor, city planner, a consultant on Bay Area multi-unit residential development projects, a property manager, an investor, and a  project manager. That last gig really got to her. She was working on contract, and was treated with a great deal of disrepect. But she also felt like her talents were being underutilized.

In our exploration together, Lucy got really clear that she loved being around houses. She loved seeing the insides and the possibilities. To her, homes are expressions of lifestyles, and havens to relax in. In an unusual turn of events, she decided to return to being a realtor. She had recently become certified as a LEED Accredited Professional (the national standard for “green” building design and construction), and initially felt a bit obligated to use that certification as her primary calling card. How many of us have invested in a degree and forced ourselves to use that knowledge, even if it doesn’t feel like a fit? I certainly did that with my MBA, forcing myself into management consulting because “it’s what you do next after an MBA, if you don’t go into investment banking.” Hah! That was torturous.

Lucy rightly sensed that “making” herself use the LEED certification was pushing into a direction that didn’t fit.

She recognized that she could be a realtor and use her LEED certification, a fantastic combination. As we delved into her past, we saw that Lucy’s breadth of experience in the real estate industry enables her to quickly identify and understand the key issues in clients’ listings or sale transactions, so that she can guide them in making sound strategic and tactical decisions.

As we’ve moved forward together, Lucy’s been tapping into my assistance for emerging entrepreneurs to ensure she is a huge success in her new/old career!

FYI: Many of you may not know that I’ve helped over 40% of my clients to launch businesses…from real estate to HR consulting to non-profits. I love helping emerging entrepreneurs to bring ideas to life, and I’ll be highlighting more of those success stories in future blog post.

Here’s to careers that truly fit!

Susan

I love telling happy stories. And this is one of them, about one of my former clients.

It’s delicious, too. Your mouth might start watering, so you’re forewarned…

Back in September of 2008, I hosted an event called “Follow a More Authentic Career Path“  and invited six people who’d made major career changes to talk about how they did it. (In fact, you can order the audio of the event here and listen to Ande’s wisdom, and five other career changers).

Ande Scheinker was one of the panelists. Ande had been an event planner. Hated it. She wasn’t sure what was next when she came to me as a client. Over time, she decided to call herself a “culinary explorer,” because she so loved being in the kitchen and being around food. She baked. A lot. Sometimes, she’d send me pictures of her creations. This was both fun and troublesome. Her pictures can make you drool. Worse, they can ruin a diet, unless you have iron-clad willpower. I don’t.

Ande was, like many clients, worried that she wasn’t changing careers fast enough. I wish I had a dollar for every time someone tells me, “I’m moving too slowly in this transition.” I’d have enough…to buy a car maybe? No, probably not. But still, I want to say “No, no, no. You’re making this transition on YOUR timing. YOUR rhythm. YOUR pace. Just keep listening inside, and you’ll sense what’s next.”

Last week, I received an email from Ande:

Hi Susan,

I hope this email finds you well!  I wanted to update you on a few things that are going on with me…I have some exciting news.

First – I’ve enrolled in pastry school.  I’ll begin a six-month pastry course at Tante Marie here in SF on March 29th.  I’m really thrilled about this next step – it just feels really right.

And for fun, I wanted to tell you that I’m competing in the upcoming edition of SF Food Wars.  This time around, the theme is chocolate cookies.  Fun, fun!  I just found out I was accepted to compete today.   Here’s a bit more info: http://sffoodwars.com/2010/02/the-chocolate-cookie-situation/

I’ve actually never even attended any of the SF Food Wars – but I hear they’re a blast.

Anyhoo – just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that things are going well on my end.  Hope all is well with you.

Thanks for everything,

xoxo Ande

Yes, this is a real email. I share it to make a few points:

First, almost everyone I know has fears of making change, and to be successful, you have to work through those fears. Ande’s had plenty of fears, including the fears that what she cooked would not turn out well. Amazing. Take one look at all the cooking she’s done, and you’d wonder how someone like Ande can even have that fear. Well, she’s just more accustomed to just being with the fear than ever before.

I was reminded by my friend, Tarra Christoff, that “Success is just outside your comfort zone.” To me, that means that you have to give yourself permission to feel a bit uncomfortable, awkward, goofy, confused, if you’re going to be able to navigate changes. You know, if you’re used to being all neat and tidy and organized (like I tend to want to be), then you’ll have to relax the tension you place on yourself to do things “just right.”

How can you demand of yourself that you do something well (or fast) if you’ve never done it before? Sounds silly when you’re standing outside the experience. But when you’re in it, you really can push hard on yourself.  Be gentle with yourself. Tell that part of your mind that’s criticizing you to take a break. It’s not helping. Really.

Second, change takes time. Duh. Yeah, you know this. But most of us only know this intellectually. Are you impatient with yourself? Do you tell yourselves to “hurry up?” and berate yourself when you’re going slow? Please be good and gracious with yourself as you get insights into “what’s next.”

Third, the important thing, as you navigate change, is to keep following your energy gains. It’s a huge gain for Ande to bake. So, over time, she’s taken baking classes and done tons of experiments in her own kitchen. One of my energy gains is writing, and I’m finally, finally, past the dissertation and am writing a book proposal. (Hmm, did you notice my judgment about how long it’s taken me to get over my dissertation?).

What activities or situations fill you with energy? How can you give yourself more time to experiment along those lines?

I’m really energized and excited to taste Ande’s latest creations at The Chocolate Cookie Situation on March 21st in San Francisco.  Mmm…but, too bad, tix are sold out.  Maybe you can view Ande’s Twitter stream and see if she knows about some special way to get more? In the meantime, you can drool over her cookie (and other) creations on her Flickr stream…oooh….aaah….mmm…

Congratulations, Ande!

Scrumptiously yours,

Susan

Do you ever dream of having your own radio talk show?

Well, I confess, that’s one of my dreams. I’d have a call-in show on a big radio station. I’d listen to people’s problems about wanting better work, about dealing with stress on the job, about figuring out how to make important work-related decisions, and about how to project more confidence to colleagues and clients. Gosh, that would be so much fun, to help people, one-by-one,  shape their success. At work, we often lack guidance for how to be ourselves and have an impact in the world. People might call me the “Suze Orman of Careers,” although I find her a bit grating. I’d have more of a dose of my smiling high energy, like the woman I resembled in the 1980s, gymnast Mary Lou Retton. Well, maybe a little less cute. A bit smarter. I do have an MBA and a PhD, after all.

Well, I’m moving in that direction, creating plans for a radio show down the line. Sure, I could create one right now, on a channel like Blog Talk Radio, on which I’ve been a guest. However, my aspirations are bigger. XM Radio or Sirius, or maybe CBS. And TV? That would be great, too.

For now, I want to give you the best of me, Dr. Susan, through my blog and website. It’s a great way to get myself ready for a radio show. Besides, I get asked tons of career-related questions every week, and I realize how often I want to share the advice I give one person with a whole bunch of people.

So, I’m excited to welcome you to use the Work from Within blog to ask YOUR questions. And I can answer them. My intention is to respond to at least one question weekly, and be as helpful as I can, sharing what it means to “work from within,” and helping you to achieve the calm, clarity, and confidence that’s possible when you listen to and trust your embodied intelligence.

Do you want to ask a question? Go ahead!  Here’s the link:  http://www.workfromwithin.com/resources/askdrsusanthanks/

C’mon, Ask Dr. Susan! I promise to be kind, supportive, and upbeat. I’d love to read your questions…and, of course, answer them.

Are you fed up with your work? You know, frustrating colleagues, angry managers, ugly offices, unreasonable deadlines, massive bureaucracies, never-ending meetings…these things can drive you crazy.

Well, you’re not alone! Have you noticed that other people around you just want to throw in the towel at work?

I say “ARGH!” (Not very articulate…just ultra frustrating!)

World at Work recently reported on a study by The Conference Board:
The report, based on a survey of 5,000 U.S. households conducted for The Conference Board by TNS, found that only 45% of those surveyed said they are satisfied with their jobs, down from 61.1% in 1987, the first year in which the survey was conducted.

“While one in 10 Americans is now unemployed, their working compatriots of all ages and incomes continue to grow increasingly unhappy,” says Lynn Franco, director of the Consumer Research Center of The Conference Board. “Through both economic boom and bust during the past two decades, our job satisfaction numbers have shown a consistent downward trend.”

So, what’s causing this frustration with work? My answer may surprise you.

I don’t think it’s just that we have crummy managers and unattractive offices. It’s not just that tasks can be boring.

The big reason I believe job satisfaction tends to be low:  We give our control for our careers over to other people.

I talk to hundreds of people about their work every month. And when I ask them, “How did you come to be doing the work you’re doing?” I hear over and over again:

• I fell into my work
• I stumbled into my work
• Someone (my boss, my parent, my spouse) told me I should do my work
• Someone told me I shouldn’t do the thing I really love
• I figured that if I did what I love, I’d be a starving… (you fill in the blank…artist, musician, chef, etc.) so I just gave in and did something to pay the bills

Are you guilty of one of these? I was. My first week of college at the University of Arizona, I called home (a collect call, on the dorm’s hallway payphone) to my father and told him that I’d declared a major.  “What did you declare?” my dad asked.  “Psychology!” I exclaimed, breathlessly excited. I knew my passion. I’d be studying it.

Then came the silence. I waited. And waited. And waited for my father to say something. “Dad? Dad? Are you still there?” I begged to know, panicked about his lack of enthusiasm.

“Susan, you’ll never make any money until you get to the PhD level.”

Those words were sufficiently frightening to me, at the tender age of 18, to send me in a new academic direction. I studied Economics and Marketing. I sacrificed my passion for money. I did that for most of my career. And slowly but surely, the life energy was draining out of me, until finally, in 2001, I decided that I didn’t want to be a 70 year-old woman before I studied my first love. I wasn’t 100% sure what I’d do with my studies, but my heart was calling to me.

We so often leave our hearts out of our decisions about our careers. This is a recipe for disappointment. Work will ultimately become a dirty four-letter word if your heart’s not in it.

What can you do about increasing your job satisfaction?

1. Take back control. Instead of surrendering your control to well-meaning friends, co-workers, managers, spouses, family members, listen to your heart.

Ask your heart:

• What are you needing more of?
• What are you hungry for?
• What do you truly want to express to the world?

Be patient. If you’ve not listened to your heart in a long time, it may be shy or reluctant to share. Or, it may be itching to talk to you. Get a journal and write down whatever comes. Trust your heart. Listen to your gut. Then, put your mind in the service of your heart (and your gut, and all your inner wisdom, even in your little pinky toes).

2.  Take baby steps. Most of us try to make change too quickly, honestly. I know, I know, we feel like we’ve gotta have that new job now. Or we have to make everything all better in one felt swoop.

I would ask you:  What’s ONE thing you could try out doing differently this week? Here are some ideas for first steps:

• Frustrating colleagues? Plan a conversation to clear the air and start fresh. Put it on the calendar. Then prepare by reading about a subject like Marshall Goldsmith’s non-violent communication so you have a model for communicating effectively.
• Angry manager? Read a great book like Douglas Stone & Bruce Patton’s Difficult Conversations so you know how to talk to your manager. Find something to do to let go of the anger, like taking a walk or writing in a private journal.
• Ugly office? Bring in a vase and fresh flowers. Put up a photo that pleases you.
• Unreasonable deadlines? Prioritize all of your projects, so you know what’s most important.Write a workplan and discuss it with your manager. If you can show that you’d need to work an incredible number of hours, look for solutions to eliminate or shorten steps, delegate portions, or create time-off after you put in a big push of work.
• Massive bureaucracies? Find experts in your organization who’ve mastered the art of getting things done – take them to lunch and pick their brains, so you learn how to do it.
• Never-ending meetings? Suggest trying out stand-up meetings as leader Bob Schoultz suggests. Most people will go faster if they’re not sitting down.

3. Believe that great work is possible. Many of us block ourselves with expressions like “work sucks” and “well, this is as good as it gets” or “I can just suffer through this.” Do you really want work that fits you? Then I believe you must craft your “work from within,” for if you do not believe, deep within yourself, that this is possible, you will sabatoge your possibilities for great work.

Great work is not just an idea. When you have great work, you embody it. So take charge, and follow your heart. Let it set your direction. And then ask your mind to help you move in that new, heart-felt direction.

With care,

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com

PS – Do you really, truly want work that fits for you?

What are you doing to create it?

I’ve got a great new 7-week webinar series, “Don’t Look for a Job! Create a ROLE That Truly Fits for You” that I’m offering on Wednesday nights from April 7 to May 19, 2010. Check it out at http://www.workfromwithin.com/calendar/rolethatfitswebinar/

Go ahead and get a taste! Sign up for a free preview call to learn more about that webinar. The free call is on Wednesday, March 3, 6-7 pm Pacific. Get all the details at  http://www.workfromwithin.com/calendar/rolethatfitswebinar/#1

If you grew up in the United States or England, then when you were a kid, you must have been asked a zillion times, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” How did you feel about that question? Did you love hearing that question? Did you hate it?

In my heart of hearts, I want to scream when I hear parents, teachers, and adults ask kids “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” is an incredibly dangerous question to pose to innocent children.

“Dangerous?” you say. If you could see me, you’d look at me sideways. Yes, I imagine you think I’m nuts. How in the world could an innocent question like “What do you want to be when you grow up?” be dangerous? Dangerous? Really?

OK, let me show you. Can remember back to when you were between 5 and 12 years old? Great. Then think back. When people asked you, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” what was your answer?

I wanted to be an orthodontist. My brother wanted to be a policeman or a fireman or an airplane pilot. One of my closest friends, Karen, wanted to be a secretary.

The thing is, most people don’t turn out to be exactly what they thought they’d be when they were kids. (If they did, we’d have a glut of astronauts and movie stars).  I am a career coach (always looking for a better title, so sometimes, I call myself Coach/Author/Speaker or Life/Work Transition Expert). My brother is an attorney, and a former concert tour manager. And Karen is a webmistress of sorts, if there’s even a good way to describe the freelance work she does to ensure websites look great.

There’s a very interesting study that relates to all of this. The BBC reports that back in 1969, when they were 11 years old, 14,000 British schoolchildren were asked to write 30-minute essays predicting what they might become when they were age 25, as part of the 1958 Birth Cohort Study.

This longitudinal study followed these children to the present, so that they are now in their 50’s. One thing that did hold: of those with professional aspirations at age 11 – with dreams of being professionals with advanced credentials, like a veterinarian, a lawyer, or an architect – more than half did indeed end up entering professional occupations, even if their eventual career wasn’t quite the one they had had in mind.

For example, there’s Bruce
At age 11, Bruce wrote about his 25-year-old self: “I work for a Newspaper as a journalist. I am quite a successful journalist and earn quite a lot of money. I wish to be an author when I am older and write several books… I hope to be quite wealthy later in life when my books are published.”

He’s not a journalist, nor has he written any books. He’s an interim manager for a number of information technology (IT)  projects, has achieved good financial success (so he’s wealthy by his own account), and owns home both the UK and United States.

Sure, people did go on to do some of the activities that they said they’d do…

Kim’s story
At 11, Kim imagined a life revolving around travel – working with the animals in Africa, and studying the aardvark and the warthog. Her essay ends ambitiously: “I plan to see the whole world before I die and maybe to see the Moon beneath my feet.” Please note, Kim didn’t name a profession, like “flight attendant” or “travel agent.” She described what she wanted to do.

According to the BBC story, Kim’s life has followed that pattern. At 18 she went to Greece, Italy and other parts of Europe. She fell in love with an Australian, married and travelled the world together. After seven years in Australia, the couple returned to the UK and they now have three children. Kim still dreams of travel. “My husband is so stressed at work that all he can think of is getting a recliner and Sky sport. All I can think of is getting into a camper van and taking off. I’d quite like to throw all my cards up in the air. I’ve had long enough of working 9-5.”

Anne’s aspiration: Hairdresser
Anne imagined her 25-year old self: “It was a Monday and off to work. I work in a hairdresser, and looking for a shop – when I have saved up some money I will buy one.”

When she reached college age, a move prevented Anne from studying what she had intended, so instead, she reluctantly joined a bank. Opportunities were limited, and she could only aspire to attain the level of first cashier, because at the time, there were no female bank managers.

Those are just three stories of people who did not become what they’d aspired to as children. The comments from readers about this BBC article are especially interesting. A woman who regretted not becoming a doctor. A would-be astronaut who became an accountant. An environmental manager who had hoped to be a veterinarian.

OK…So why, then,  is it so dangerous to ask a child “What do you want to be when you grow up?”

Here’s my take on things…

(1) It over focuses on one professional title

The desired response to the question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is the name of a profession. A title. Like butcher. Or baker. Or candlestick maker.

And you know what? Those titles are limiting. It’s a bit like telling a kid, “You know, you have to go find just the right thing, the right title. You don’t yet have any working experience, so you don’t know the world of titles. But still, you should find one.

The thing is, how do you describe what you want to do, when as a kid, you’ve not yet had a lot of life experience? Maybe, maybe, you’re lucky, one of those people who just knows what you want to do all along. I wasn’t. I wanted to be an orthodontist. Why? Oh, truth be told, probably because I had a crush on my orthodontist! But I wound up changing careers multiple times, and when I wanted to integrate my business experience with my PhD in mind/body psychology,and wanted to help people in career change to really get in touch with what their hearts and guts were telling them, I didn’t really know what title to give my work. Body-centered career coach? Transformation agent? I’ve settle on “career coach,” but quite frankly, I hate the title. “Coach” often feels too “rah-rah,” and “career” feels too limiting.

So, the bottom line:  Titles get in the way. It’s better to ask a kid “What kinds of activities would you like to do in the future?” And if you just have to ask what a kid wants to be, how about asking what kind of a life he or she wants to live, like “I’d like to be a really caring person, who takes an interest in the people around me, and I’d like to make time in my life to ski at least a few times every winter.” Ah, that’s about who you really want to be, as in the kind of person you want to become. Your character, your activities. Not just the name of your profession.

(2) No one knows what the names of professions will be 10 or 20 or 30 years or more into the future

Really. Even 10 years ago, if you had put the words “social, media, and expert” together, what would they mean? What is a social media expert, anyway? Where do you go to school for that? What’s the certification like?

The point is, you don’t go to school (at least yet). You don’t get a certification. That title didn’t exist even 10 years ago. So asking a kid to predict the future is a bit like asking the kid to become a psychic. Perhaps psychic skills are nice to have, but those are not fostered in school. It would be better to ask a kid about the constellation of activities he would like to do. What seems fun and exciting and energizing? What maximizes

(3) Why put so much pressure on kids to know what profession they’d like to be a part of in the future?

Please. Childhood is to be enjoyed. We put way too much pressure on kids to know their futures. For goodness sakes, parents worry about getting their kids into the right preschools, so that Junior can be sure to go to Harvard. And then the kid has to take violin lessons, be on the basketball team, get top grades, and do everything to worry, worry, worry about being perfect. In someone else’s mind and mold. In Silicon Valley, one of the leading high schools in academic rankings, Gunn High School, has seen a rash of suicides. The pressure to perform and to have some seemingly “ideal” future is just too high.

When we learn to choose our future through pressure, we push, push, push ourselves. When we do that, we can’t feel the pull of what really grabs us. If you’re constantly working hard, how can you relax enough to listen to your heart and know what you really want?

Can you imagine what our world would be like if we trusted kids (and adults) to sense their desires by just relaxing, chilling, and listening to their hearts? Personally, I believe we’d have less stress, more creativity, and more enjoyment.

So…

Do you agree that it’s dangerous to ask kids “What do you want to be when you grow up?” What might we ask instead?

How did that question impact YOU as a kid?

How has that question impacted your life as an adult?

Wishing you a joyful career,

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com

PS – If you’re trying to decide “what’s next” (or, dare I say,  “what do you want to be when you grow up?”) I think you’d love the 7-week webinar series, “Don’t Look for a Job! Create a ROLE That Truly Fits for You” that I’m offering on Wednesday nights from April 7 to May 19, 2010. Check it out at http://www.workfromwithin.com/calendar/rolethatfitswebinar/ and sign up for the free preview call at http://www.workfromwithin.com/calendar/rolethatfitswebinar/#1

I love to give gifts! With or without fancy wrapping paper and bows, it’s the thrill of watching people’s faces and watching their smiles, hearing their excitement, and just generally being around delight.

Well, I would like to give YOU a gift. If you’re thinking about attending the “Crafting Careers That Truly Fit” workshop I’m teaching from January 15-17, 2010, at the gorgeous Esalen Institute, in Big Sur, California, I have an added bonus when you register:

Register by Wednesday, January 13, and you will receive a FREE 30-minute coaching session with me after the workshop. You can use the session up until February 28th, 2010. If you had to pay for this out of pocket, it would cost you $135, so think of it either as a $135 discount, or a great added value. Most importantly, I trust that this session will help you to accelerate what you discover during the workshop, so that you’ll be able to make your next career move with more calm, clarity, and courage.

So, let me share with you about what you’ll learn and discover in this interactive workshop:

• You’ll illuminate what’s important in your future career
• You’ll replace ill-fitting social norms about “work” with visions of what you truly desire
• You’ll brainstorm ways to create meaningful work
• You’ll get clear about your next steps to pursue work that truly fits you.

I’m ending this offer at midnight (you’ll need to register with Esalen before then, by calling 831-667-3000) on Wednesday, January 13, so take action now. You’ll be glad youve done this for your career, your sanity, your body, your mind, and your spirit!

Oh, so how do you get the free coaching session? All you need to do to get that benefit is to email a note to tell me that you’ve paid for the workshop through the Esalen Institute. Drop a  me a note at info @ workfromwithin.com by December 31 to get this wonderful bonus.  To register for the workshop, simply go to this link for workshop details, and you can either register online, or you can can call the Esalen Institute at 831-667-3000 from 9 am – 7 pm Pacific Time Monday through Friday, or 9 am to 5 pm Saturday & Sunday. Or click here for more contact information at Esalen.

If you are craving clarity about what’s next in your career, and you want to get back in touch with yourself and craft work that truly fits you, then, I’d love to have you join us in beautiful Big Sur for this workshop.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about the workshop, and I’ll be happy to help you see if it’s a fit for you.

Happy to give YOU your gift…as you discover your own inner gifts!

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com