Today, I was reading an article in The Economist about the employment situation in the US and extension of unemployment benefits. By all accounts, it’s not pretty.

But what really got to me was a picture of a man wearing a t-shirt with the words “I need a job.”  No, it’s not the picture here (look at the article to see the sad face of the man wearing it; the photo is copyrighted, so I want to be respectful). Let me help out the artist who created this particular t-shirt and send you to the link where you can buy that t-shirt.

I looked at this guy and thought, “He needs a different kind of job.”

He needs a J.O.B.

In other words, he needs a Jolt Of Belief.”

As I see it, if you are between jobs, you could benefit from a few beliefs:

(1) The belief of others. In other words, knowing that other people believe in you. If you are seeking your next work opportunity, ask people you care about to tell you, “I believe in you.” And ask them to give you at least three concrete reasons why they believe in you.  It’s a free way for them to help you. Take in what they say. And notice how good it feels.

Suggested Activity: Ask a good friend to tell you “I believe in you.” Go on. Do it. Now. Yes. Really.

Hey, if you’re reading this, and you know a job seeker, be proactive. Tell that person why you believe in them. You’ll make their day. I promise.

(2) The belief in yourself. It can be tough, day after day, to get up and seek work. Since we live in a country where we often define ourselves by the work we do, it can be awkward, humbling, and vulnerable to be without a job. Not that it’s a crime. Not that we should be working all the time, especially if that work means knocking ourselves out.

No, I just want to say to you, if you are in job search mode: “Believe in yourself. Find that place within you, no matter how teeny tiny it seems, that trusts and knows that all will work out. And just focus on that. Magnify that. Nurture that small spark of belief in yourself, because it will grow.”

Suggested Activity: Read the paragraph above to yourself at least three times a day. Out loud. In the mirror. And watch for magic.

(3) Belief in the interconnections in the world. If you’re seeking a job, you have a set of skills, talents, and abilities. What if you knew that what’s innate in you was the answer to the problems to at least a few people or organizations in the world? What if they were hungry to find you, even if they didn’t yet have a job posted? What if right now, they were hoping and wishing for someone just like you? Would you feel better?

We DO live in an interconnected world. And if you allow yourself to open to the idea that you are a perfect match for someone or some company, what happens? Do you feel lighter? More hopeful?

OK, I imagine you saying, “Yeah, but I have really specialized skills.” Or you might say, “My skills are a dime a dozen. I’ll be competing with the whole world.”

Let those negative ideas go. For now. They don’t serve you.

Suggested Activity: Engage your active imagination. Imagine shaking hands with a future employer. Look around at your new workplace. See your new co-workers and their smiling, welcoming faces. Do this for at least five minutes every day. And watch what happens. You might be pleasantly surprised to find new employment possibilities opening up for you.

(4) Belief in something bigger than yourself. Whether you call that God, Allah, Krishna, Buddha, The Universe, My Higher Power, or whatever…surely, some force created the world in which we live. Can you allow yourself to believe that you exist for a reason, even if you have no idea what that reason is? And if you embrace that idea, even for a second, does it not follow that you are here to do good, to use your talents? Or are you wedded to the idea that you have all these gifts, these abilities that you want to use at work, and that you’re just being mercilessly tortured and taunted, and being held back from using them? If you believe that, perhaps you’re wounded at a deep level. Perhaps at a young age, you were made to feel worthless. If that’s the case,  my heart goes out to you. But I’m here to tell you that you are far from worthless. You are deeply valuable. Whatever this entity or energy is that is bigger than you…let’s call it the “collective consciousness” for now…well, it wants you to connect to others. It wants you to share your gifts.

Suggested Activity: This is a little experiment for you: What if you have a conversation, aloud, in your journal, or from your heart, with this Higher Power, this bigger-than-you energy? And you ask it to reveal to information about where you are to be matched. Where your ideal placement is, for now. Your ideal colleagues, your ideal organization. You might get that information in a magazine you read. On a billboard you see. In an idea that pops in your head in the shower. What if you allow this Higher Power to guide you, and you trust your heart as you see signals, signs, and little (or big) clues to follow.

Hey, this idea is like chicken soup:  It can’t hurt. And it just might help. Really. I’ve seen it help.

So please, if you say “I need a job,” take a moment and rephrase that. Ask for a JOLT OF BELIEF. Ask others to tell you they believe in you. Take a moment to believe in yourself. Believe in the interconnectedness of our world and how that means you’re bound to find where you’re needed. And believe in a higher power, and ask for its guidance.

I believe in you!

Susan

PS – Notice that I don’t call people who are between jobs “UNemployed.” If you happen to be without a job right now, please read my blog post about avoiding the “UN”  word. You’ll save yourself agony, and you actually might just increase your chances of landing a job!

I have a confession.

I’ve been a stress case.

That’s hard to admit. Especially since I work with people to help them come alive at work. I do love coaching people, on a one on one basis, about their work. And I’ve been feeling more and more confident about my ability to help people truly light up at work. My head and heart both trust the effectiveness and transformational value of  the unique ways that I help people to conceive of work that fits them. So now, I’m quite hungry to expand my reach and impact so I can touch more people. That has meant teaching more group programs, writing, speaking in as many venues as possible, and influencing larger groups. Doing all these new activities has involved learning how to use webinar software, getting on the phone to talk to organizations and businesses about helping them, discovering how I can best describe what Work from Within is all about, and generally stepping out in the world in a much bigger way. Most of the time, learning these new skills and approaches to marketing Work from Within and my philosophies and practices has been fun. But it’s time consuming, and I’m prone to rush myself and demand results (dare I say, money) rather quickly. I’ve been impatient for success. I want it on my timeline, darn it!

All this effort lead me from stress toward burnout. I started recognizing the shift from becoming angry and frustrated at my circumstances to feeling resigned. For example, I would try to learn how to use webinar software, and somehow I’d lose my participants into the Internet ether (oops!). I’d feel enraged at the software and embarrassed at not being a perfect presenter. Then the nasty voice of Little Miss Perfect would scream in my head, and I’d berate myself for not getting familiar enough with the tools I needed to make the webinar hum along.

Over the course of a few months, I started to think: “I just don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not a celebrity yet, like Oprah or Suze Orman. Who am I to help people learn to come alive at work? I’ve been running Work from Within for five years. So why am I not on TV yet? Why haven’t I written a book, let alone published it? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I should just give up…”

My body began to feel heavy as a boulder, sluggish as a slug, mentally foggy like the June Gloom that hangs over the Pacific Coast, and downright stomp-my-feet-and-shake-my-fist irritable.  I remembered the difference between stress and burnout. Stress is about feeling over engaged and anxious. When you hit burnout, you’re likely to become disengaged, hopeless, and depressed. I was headed for the latter. After weeks and weeks of this experience, a lightbulb went off in my head:  Perhaps my ideas about failing and taking too long to make an impact aren’t true. Maybe I’ve been seeing my circumstances through a distorted lens, a narrow angle.

I resolved to shift my energy. I’m all about maximizing Return On Life Energy (ROLE), so I knew I needed to take action to build up my energy stores. I started with getting checked out by the practitioners at the Acupuncture and Complementary Medicine clinic in Berkeley, because I love that Chinese medicine is all based on life energy (which the Chinese call qi, and which Indians call prana). It’s been a process of replenishing my energy stores. I’ve gone from depletion to stagnation to amplification to expansion. Instead of feeling exhausted and irritable, in the course of six weeks, I’m now feeling mellow, flowing, and full of ease. And filled with gratitude for my life and the beauty in the world, sensing the joy of simple things, like the warmth of the mug of my wild sweet orange tea to the playful chatter of the birds in my magnolia tree.

Something else that helped my renewal, something counterculture:  I decided to follow my body’s instinct for rest. I booked a retreat at one of my favorite places on the planet, the Esalen Institute, on the Big Sur coast (I’ll be teaching a workshop at Esalen from December 5 to 10), with it’s warming sulfur hot springs, the crash of the waves of the Pacific Ocean against high cliffs, and the magical landscape with its rainbow of flowers, stands of gracious trees and cradle of rugged mountains.

To renew myself sense of self, I enrolled in an Esalen workshop with performance artist extraordinaire, Nina Wise, who created a practice called Motion Theater, a form of autobiographical improvisation. To me, learning Motion Theater was like finding self-transformational storytelling. Our group of ten women played theatre games (like forming ourselves into shapes and riffing off each others stories), meditated (in creative ways, including with singing), stretched, danced, and learned to tell our personal stories, rich with detail and grounded in sensory experience. Most importantly, the combination of verbal and non-verbal activities re-started my energy. By immersing myself fully in play and presence, I got back in touch with myself. Hallelujah!

If you find yourself sliding into stress, catch yourself and find your antidote. And if you’re slipping into burnout, or you’ve already landed there, stop pushing yourself. Your body, mind, spirit and emotions are telling you that what you’re doing needs to shift. It’s time to give yourself a break for relaxation, restoration, renewal, rejuvenation.

Based on my week at Esalen, and my personal discoveries, I’d like to share some suggestions for shifting out of stress and burnout and back into your essence, your true self, the quiet internal place that is you, no matter what.  Please feel free to take only what feels good, and trust your intuition to modify any of these ideas so they fit you:

Rest. I can be a work machine. That go-go-go behavior got ingrained in me during my tenure in management consulting, when I sometimes worked 80 to 100 hours a week. These days, I think that’s insane. It’s all push, no pull. In other words, I used to make myself do work, rather than feeling drawn or inspired to do it. When we’re stressed, we often push ourselves hard. But that push, push, shove, move forward, go, go, go energy is only one way of being. You are not a machine. You cannot keep up an unrelenting pace indefinitely. Staying up late, working around the clock, denying yourself breaks…this is a recipe for a breakdown. Instead, give yourself the gift of rest. Of doing nothing. Or doing only those things that are pleasurable. Not just satisfying, but truly nourishing. Make the choice to feed yourself what you truly want, which very well may be peace and quiet.

Relax your efforts. Before taking this retreat, I had been working for months without a break, staying up until 11 or 12 at night to reply to emails, plan a workshop, update my website. So much effort! In physics, effort equals work. But work — as in your career, your livelihood — need not be full of hard effort, at least not all of the time. Notice how hard you are trying, and reduce the effort. Here’s one way to do this: Start by doing something that comes very, very naturally to you. Like walking. Or talking on the phone with a friend. As you’re doing this easy, natural activity, become aware of your body and where you hold tension and tightness. Then, do an activity that you don’t do so easily. Not the hardest thing, but something that you have to pay attention to do, and where perhaps you have less skill. Like for me, that’s riding my bike downhill. I have to concentrate. I’m afraid I’ll fall. I can do it, but I have not yet mastered it. How do you feel, in your body, when you do this activity that you’re still mastering? Where are you tight? Where are you loose? Your clamped jaw, your shoulders that come up near your ears…these are all signs of added effort. What can you say to yourself (like “I’m starting to get the jist of this”), and how can you modify the activity (like doing less of it, or only a portion of it, or slowing it down) and particularly your expectations of yourself (maybe telling yourself “It’s OK to be a beginner, and to make mistakes”), so that you can feel more ease?

Reconnect with people who care about you. I’ve been going to Esalen for nearly a decade now, so in that time, I’ve made a lot of friends there. Having them ask about me, getting to spend time with them, catching up…these are all nurturing. I feel seen and appreciated by people who know me. In times of stress and burnout, we need to have people around us who will support us. Who might you like to have around you to support you? You might call a friend and ask to have an hour to just share what’s happening. You could get some friends together and have a “dump your problems in the garbage” ritual, writing down what’s bugging you, reading your list aloud with feeling and emphasis, and then ripping up your list and throwing it in a collective trash can or fire. Then, make a resolution to do one thing, just one for now, that can make you feel better. And report back to the group when you’ve done it, either in person, by email, or by phone. Connect to yourself by connecting with others who are willing and able to help you regain yourself.

Spend time in nature. The rhythms in nature tend to be so different than our man-made mechanistic rhythms of cars and traffic and TV show and meetings and all the scheduled, pre-planned activities, and the constant onslaught of information. Nature is slower, organic, cycling and shifting. Nature is not like the airbrushed superstars we see in magazines and attempt to emulate. It’s raw and honest, the apple that has been pierced by a worm looking for food, the jagged leaf that’s asymmetrical, the birds that do not fly on a preordained flight plan like airliners but flit from tree to tree as they feel called to explore and as the need arises for food and shelter. Nature reminds us to slow down, to get back in touch with our innate instincts and impulses, to trust the flow of life. Immerse yourself in Nature’s rhythms, and you’re bound to have your own reflected back to you.

Turn down your mind and turn up your innate, embodied impulses. When I’m being very verbal — even if it’s replying email — I’m up in my head. And if you’re anything like me, your head can be a dangerous playground, with the broken carousel of repetitive negative thoughts and the teeter totter of self-talk alternately flinging you between self-aggrandizement and self-deprecation. I often tell people to “take the elevator down,” suggesting that they move from their heads to the rest of their bodies. Give yourself time to explore and play non-verbally. Perhaps you will put on music and just move your body in whatever ways feel good, without thinking of the moves you’ll make. You could shake your body like a ragdoll for a few minutes and shake out the cobwebs. You might slither on the floor like a snake and then roll and ooze. You could move your hands like they are talking, which is an activity Nina Wise suggests in her book,  A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life. Listen to what you need, what feels satisfying, and nurture yourself the way a mother nurtures a baby: with touch, rhythm, and movement.

Open your heart. When we’re stressed our burned out, often we’ve neglected our hearts. We are so hell-bent on achieving success, so determined to do what’s right and good, so focused on making money or getting that promotion…and our hearts are suffering from being left out of the conversation about our needs. Needs? Hah, we think, it’s needy to have needs. No, actually, it’s not. Our heart’s desires deserve our attention. Set aside 10 to 15 minutes. Get quiet and put a hand on your heart. Ask your heart, “what do you need?” Be patient, and listen to the answers. Write them down. Follow the most compassionate or most nourishing replies first, like the ones that tell you “Give yourself a hug.”

In every moment, you can add ease and joy to your life by reducing the effort, doing what feeds you, and reducing the activities and situations that deplete you. Bit by bit, day by day, your practice of minimizing your energy drains and maximizing your energy gains will deliver you into a life and livelihood that works for you. That way of living does not come from being hard and harsh with yourself, but rather from relaxing, restoring, renewing, rejoicing, and rejuvenating, as needed. It’s just what the doctor ordered.

Love from Dr. Bernstein!

Susan

It’s no fun to feel stuck in work you hate.

But there’s always a way out. Always. It just may not be what you envisioned. But sometimes, you have an inkling of it.

That’s the case for my former client, Marie-Florence Tieu, who, after completing her MBA, took a job in search engine marketing. And she felt bored, unfulfilled, and frustrated. While that’s obviously  not the only job for MBAs, something was nagging her on the inside. She couldn’t figure out what she wanted to do next, but search engine marketing wasn’t it. She went to career coaches who gave her assessments and tests. And those only confused or frustrated her.

Marie-Florence ran into a common shift that makes it so much easier to find or create work that fits. If you want work that truly fits you, that feels really congruent with who you are and what you care about, you can’t figure it out. You need to feel it out.

In the face of uncertainty, most of us go into mental overdrive, trying to get our logical brains to frame their quest for a new job as a problem. Then, they try to analyze the situation and end up with an elegant solution. Only there’s not really a problem. Or there’s nothing really to solve. I recommend a focus on intentions instead. In other words, that you get clear about what you do want, rather than focusing on the problem of work that doesn’t fit, or in asking yourself, “How will I figure out what to do next?” That approach relies way, way too much on your head. Most of us have wily, crafty brains. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that. It’s just that we miss out on listening to our hearts. And our guts. And the wisdom that lies below our necks.

You wouldn’t choose your spouse by reading their resume, would you? Not if you wanted to have a passion-filled relationship. Then why do you think that you can lay out the facts about your talents, and somehow come up with a picture that uplifts and inspires you? If that’s what you’re trying to do, I’m here to suggest that you turn the equation around. Start with what uplifts and inspires you, and then lay out how you’ll get there. Or, better yet, create a vision of what you want, take one step at a time towards it, and see what you discover.

But don’t try to have the whole career change mapped out all at once. Don’t. That’s not only a headache. That’s not only unrealistic. That’s not only hard. That’s impossible.  Yet too many people think that’s what they need to do, which creates unnecessary turmoil.

In our work together, Marie-Florence discovered how to “take the elevator down,” as I call it, moving from the head to the heart, gut, and whole-bodied wisdom. Too often, we suffer through work that drains us, with the hope that it will get better. And we mentally convince ourselves to stay and stay and stay…until we move from stress to burnout. And then we feel stuck. Yuck.

When she learned to listen to her body’s signals, Marie Florence got clear about work she wanted to do. It’s almost like it was in her bones. Even as a child, she cared for people, like her brother, who is mentally handicapped and autistic. She explored a few potential paths, including teaching tennis, but ultimately got totally excited at the thought of going to nursing school and becoming a nurse. She’s completing her prerequisites now, and will attend UCSF for nursing school starting June 21st!

I briefly interviewed Marie-Florence about her transition from marketing to nursing. If you’re considering a shift in your career, you may find her story, in the recording below, enlightening and inspiring. And you may get an idea of why learning to “work from within,” and trusting the innate instincts and impulses in your body is so vital to making positive change.

Click here to listen to the recording of my interview with Marie-Florence.

Celebrating change,
Susan

PS – In this posting, I’ve shared one of seven shifts to work that fits: If you want work that truly fits you, that feels really congruent with who you are and what you care about, you can’t figure it out. You need to feel it out. If you want to discover HOW to make this shift in your own career, and learn six other shifts that will help you have work that fits, please join me on Wednesday, July 7, from 6:00 – 7:30 pm Pacific (9:00 – 10:30 Eastern) for an interactive webinar “Seven Shifts to Work That Fits.“  You’ll also get a workbook, time for Q & A, and a video recording of the webinar that you can download and watch again and again, whenever you like.

There’s only room for 24 participants, and those places will get snatched up quickly…so grab your space by registering now. Isn’t it time you had work that fits you?

A poem touched me so deeply last week, sent by my friend, the amazing massage therapist Hana Levin, who runs Melt Massage in Oakland, California. Her gifted hands can massage you for up to four hours! Can you imagine a four-hour massage?

To me, these words are a reminder to be easy and compassionate with yourself. In our push, push, push world, sometimes that thrusting forward motion just grows tiresome. Recently, I found myself utterly exhausted, empty of energy. I realized that like everyone else, I am vulnerable to overdoing it. These wise words helped give me permission to take it easy, to rest and renew.

So let me pass along this beautiful poem. May it uplift and inspire you…

If You Would Grow – Shine The Light Of Loving Self-Care On Yourself

If you would grow to your best self
Be patient, not demanding
Accepting, not condemning
Nurturing, not withholding
Self-marveling, not belittling
Gently guiding, not pushing and punishing
For you are more sensitive than you know
Mankind is as tough as war yet delicate as flowers
We can endure agonies but we open fully only to warmth and light
And our need to grow is as fragile as a fragrance Dispersed by storms of will
To return only when those storms are still
So, accept, respect, attend your sensitivity
A flower cannot be opened with a hammer.
- Daniel F. Mead

Keep shining the light of loving self-care on yourself!

Susan

It’s a pleasure to introduce you to one of the clients I worked with last year, Jody Florman, an incredibly talented artist and visionary. In our work together, Jody did her “work from within,” getting clear that within herself, she held a lot of resistance to the life that wanted to unfold for her. As with many people, she had a preconceived idea about how her life “should” be going. However, when she opened up and realized that the different way that her life was flowing was actually on purpose and good, more abundance came her way, in many forms.

I invite you to read my interview of Jody and then view Jody’s artwork and the faux finishing and trompe l’oiel she does in residences. I find her art has a magical, mystical, marvelous quality about it. A true reflection of her inner beauty! And, below, she shares great wisdom for anyone going through a career change and encountering unexpected situations.

Tell us a bit about yourself.
I am very fortunate to be living and working with my passion, every day. I am an artist who makes a living creating and doing hand painting, murals, trompe l’oeil, commission paintings and faux finishes inside beautiful, high end homes. I can also create and reinvigorate the sacred space of your home or business. I am simultaneously exploring fine art painting and photography as additions to my creative focus. I live my life under the premise that I create my own reality. I strive to bring the adventure of my journey into all aspects of my life.

What brings you most alive in your work?
Exploring new ideas and bringing them into reality. I have recently had an epiphany about where my photography is going and it has made me more conscious about my creative process. The more I explore, the more I see the journey as my work and the less I judge the perfection of the art/ photography I put out. I am excited so see where I go next and what the results will be!

What was happening before we started working together?
I had hit a wall with my work life. I had been adamant that by the time I turned 50, I would create an easier work environment for myself. What happened instead was that my world seemed to be dismantling: divorce, challenges with the economy, challenges with my new work environment in the new state I had moved to. I was unenthusiastic and conflicted. This caused everything to come to a screeching halt. I could not seem to get out of my own way. I also had some very fixed ideas on how I thought my life should be going, at my age, and my world was not cooperating. So that’s when I found Susan Bernstein and Work from Within.

What’s happened since?
Making changes did take awhile. I initially had a lot of resistance to going back into the decorative painting field. I was convinced there was something else for me and yet I could not seem to find my way. I put a lot of energy and time into my fine art and looked around for a job in a completely different field.  I found a part time job at a local winery. The point was to get myself into an affluent public eve and possibly generate new clients and give me a place to hang my art and place my art related products. What has come to light in the last year and a half has been all the ways I stop myself, all the ways I judge myself, all the misconceptions I operate my life under and how personally I take what life has to offer me. So, I have been consciously letting go of all of the above statements. I have relaxed into my life, created more fun and enjoyment in each moment, let go of the have-tos and supposed-tos. I have stopped feeling like I’m running out of time and that I am a failure because my life didn’t keep on the “successful” tract I was on. I have re-embraced decorative painting while redirecting my focus and how I physically work. I am letting go of my house and all the ideas I had what a 50 something abundant life style looks like. I am dismantling my box and creating a new flow. In spite of the economics around me, my life is turning around financially and I am expanding rapidly in my creative life. I still have a way to go and I can honestly say I am happy and patient while my life evolves.

What’s been most memorable or valuable from your experience working with Susan Bernstein of Work from Within?
I found myself looking at the resistance I had toward my chosen profession, all the expectations and disappointments. Working with Susan made me realize if I was going to continue in my then current track or look outside my box and do something completely different, I had to reinvent my attitude, and then make a decision. And, I had to overcome disappointment that this would not all happen in an instant. The great news is that my journey back to the more commercial aspects of my art is still unfolding and I am very pleased that I had my experience with Susan has put me on the road to expressing a bigger and more creative aspect of myself.

As an artist, what are the biggest aha’s you’ve had about how to share your talents and reap abundance?
I am still looking at my  avenues for revenue. As times have changed, the way of doing business is different and my focus has changed.  am looking at doing home shows, I am doing a product line for a non-profit. I am pursing shows in smaller venues and I am about to pursue designers on the East Coast.  In general, I’ve learned to try everything, see if it is working. If not, I get out and move on.

Today, I’m pleased to share a guest post from my friend and colleague, Lisa Brookes Kift. Lisa is a psychotherapist, writer and creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com. She provides tools and resources for marriage, relationship and emotional health.  She is the author of the Therapy-At-Home Workbooks® series for individuals and couples, offering a cost effective, do-it-yourself, therapist-guided alternative to counseling for some issues.

Like me, Lisa left a high-stress, seemingly high-prestige job that left her drained. Both of us have chosen to pursue working with people in a more caring, supportive way. Based on her rich life experience, Lisa brings a sensibility about how work can impact the rest of our lives. In this blog post, Lisa helps us to think about our emotions, which are vital signs to let us know how much our work aligns — or misaligns — with what we truly seek to create in our lives. I trust you will benefit from her wise words.

When you think of the term “emotional health,” what comes up for you?  There are numerous components to one’s “emotional health” and though many are the same for most people, the reality is there is a special cocktail that resonates with each of us individually – and is unique to us.

My own life experience and the experiences of many of my previous therapy clients has demonstrated to me that career choice is one important element to emotional health for many of us.  I know it sure is for me.

I used to work in the “glitzy” and “glamorous” world of movie and television production; with well known actors, directors and on films and TV shows you’ve likely heard of.  As much as I initially thought this was the dream career for me, it wasn’t.  In fact, it became evident that I was missing out on lot of life and my relationships suffered as a result of the long, unpredictable hours, weeks spent out of town on location and general chaos that was my life when on a show.  This ultimately started not only to emotionally and physically take a toll but it hurt my soul in such a way that I decided to leave, go back to school and train to become a therapist.

Career discontentment can be very stressful, whether it be about doing a job that has no meaning, is a toxic environment, or is simply against your grain.

Here are a few signs that you might be in a career that is leading to unhappiness:

• Work avoidance.
• Excessive worry about work.
• Increase in illness or physical pains with no medical explanation.
• Defensiveness and frustration.
• Substance abuse.
• Bad mood impacting family life / relationships.

The great thing about career discontentment, as uncomfortable as it is, is that it has the potential to help drive you forward to do something different, to search for meaning and satisfaction elsewhere.  If you can break through the fear of it – and are able to logistically pull it off – then career reflection and possible direction shift can be an important step toward your emotional health.

When I made my big career move it was a mentor who helped me to understand this was possible and helped me explore and challenge my fears around it.  The person for me happened to be a therapist but there are other mentor-type people (like Dr. Susan Bernstein) who can assist you with dissecting the various layers unique to you in contemplating “what next?” if you’re at a career crossroads.  Perhaps members of your support system can help you.  Maybe a therapist can assist you in finding clarity on the issue like mine did for me.  Whatever method you choose, it’s in the best interest of your emotional health – and in some cases, physical health and relationship health - to do so if possible.

It’s human nature to seek happiness, fulfillment, emotional and relationship health.  I am grateful for having the ability to do such a significant career change as I realize not everyone can easily manage this.  I am passionate about my job of psychotherapist and there is no question that I’m doing work that is for in line with who I am internally.  It feels great!

I’ve had it!

I can’t try to be perfect anymore.

Here’s what happened:  I posted a video for a contest. I initially felt good about my creation. But those feelings of satisfaction with my creation didn’t last long. I started comparing myself to others who had entered the contest. I was driving myself — and a few friends — nutty with the search for flaws, rather than the search for what went well. Although I know better than to beat myself up, it was like I became ultra-focused, addicted even, to seeking out the so-so, rather than praising what worked. And, of course, this focus on the negative left me feeling small, drained, and downright depressed.

I’m done.

I’m fed up with being a perfectionist. I do the “perfectionizing” to myself, so I have no one else to blame. Not even the people who like to point out my flaws.

Today, I officially announce that I’m an “im-perfectionist.” I’m choosing to live in imperfection. That doesn’t mean that I’ll settle for crappy quality, or that I’ll do a so-so job on any project or for any client.

If you’re exhausted by the endless mental chatter of “I could’ve done better,” or “Why didn’t I get this right?” or “Someone else always seems to have just a little edge on me,” I invite you, too, to drop this intense self-flagellation. It’s time to become an im-perfectionist.

I’m sharing this insight to make a point about the stranglehold that perfectionism can have. You see, with the help of a friend, I had happily made a video for Hay House, as part of a Movers & Shakers contest to win either a four week radio show or a live online event. I adore Hay House and their authors like Dr. Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, and Caroline Myss. I care deeply about helping people to coming alive at work and and about “maximizing your ROLE, your Return on Life Energy.” It would be such an honor to get to share my messages with the Hay House audience, to inform, inspire, and educate them so they can transform their work so it truly fits.

I posted my video on April 30, and felt really proud. Hey, that was a full day before the May 1 deadline. I liked how I looked. I liked the message. Sure,  I had other ideas I wanted to include. But, wow, it’s an improvement over the few videos I’ve ever made. I played the video a few times, then sent the link to friends and family to get their reaction. They were mostly positive, with a few suggestions here and there.

Those suggestions got me nervous. I started thinking about what I could’ve done better. Like telling more of my story of career change. Or shortening the introduction. Or telling people that this message is important whether you want to stay in your job, change jobs, or you’re out of work. I started to not feel so good. Not so proud. I started to see all the problems, not all the passion and promise that I poured into the message originally.

My wanderings into perfectionistic torture made me do something downright dumb. I went to YouTube and started looking at the other contestants’ entries. And one in particular stopped me in my tracks. That person looked better than me. Showed better graphics than mine. Told better stories. Looked more polished…

I agonized. I cried. I wished I’d done so many of the things that this contestant had done. I felt like a failure.

And then I realized I didn’t need to do this to myself. You know the saying that “hindsight is 20/20 vision?” Well, sure, if I’d known all of these things, I might have created my video differently. But you know what? I did the best I could in the moment. And that was perfect. And in the next moment, as soon as I looked at anything else, my creation would look like a mess. If I let it. And then I’d deny myself the chance to learn.

More importantly, I’d deny myself the chance to celebrate what I had accomplished. I entered a contest. I made myself vulnerable. I shared a message that really matters to me in a very public way. I poured my heart and soul into a creation. I asked for help and got it from a friend who taped me and set the lights and helped me to edit the video.

I’ve decided that it’s important to allow for (seeming) im-perfection. That it’s more important to stretch and grow and try than to stay stuck or worried. I realized that if I want to grow and do bigger and better things, I’m going to naturally bump into what I could do better. Hmm, I believe that’s called learning. That’s true learning, in the moment, as opposed to what we do in the classroom, where we’re graded, and we either get the answer right…or wrong. It’s just not that binary when we’re out of school. The school of life is about being an im-perfectionist, of allowing what we create in the moment to be just perfect as it is.

What is an im-perfectionist?

• Someone who chooses to do his or her best, and who revels in what does work, not what doesn’t work
• Someone chooses to stop negative mental chatter that somehow naturally arises (it seems to be part of our culture to be critics)
• Someone who is compassionate with him/or herself
• Someone who chooses to learn from others’ examples, rather than playing a nasty game of comparison
• Someone who choose to believe that as long as you do your best, that’s perfect for now, and, actually, it’s perfect for forever

Sound good to you to be an im-perfectionist? So, will you join me in being an im-perfectionist? I hope you’ll share your story of embracing imperfection. I trust it will be, ironically, perfect!

Imperfectly yours,

Susan

I’m thrilled to introduce you to Maddy Dychtwald, my guest blogger for this post. Maddy is a nationally recognized author, demographer, public speaker and entrepreneur.  She has spent nearly twenty-five years deeply involved in exploring and forecasting demographic, lifestyle and consumer marketing trends.

Maddy’s new book, Influence: How Women’s Soaring Economic Power Will Transform Our World for the Better, is being released today, May 4. If you care about transforming the world through more feminine energies, I absolutely recommend this book! It’s a powerful argument, based on changes in our world, that shows the ways that women are making positive impacts. It includes stories of women who have big visions and big hearts. I was very fortunate to read an advance copy and was dazzled to find women I truly admire, such as Priya Haji of World of Good, and Deborah Szekely of The Golden Door and Rancho La Puerta, profiled for their visions and values.

So, here’s what Maddy’s shared with you:

It’s a curious thing, how a change so massive can still take us by surprise.

100 years ago, telephones were scarce, TVs not invented, and apples just a tasty fruit. Women couldn’t vote, and in many countries, couldn’t even own property, especially if they were married.

But for all the technological and political change the world has seen in the past century, the single most powerful economic change has not been caused by technology or the rise of developing nations. It’s been created by women.

Over the past two decades, “women have contributed more to global GDP growth than have either new technology or…China or India,” wrote the Economist in 2006. Today, the average American family has two cars, many TVs and countless technological toys. We couldn’t afford half those luxuries without the power of the working women.

And yet, it still astonishes me how invisible this massive change seems. In the U.S, we take for granted that women work—but we don’t consider child care a tax-deductible business expense. We know that women work harder and longer than men, when you count all that cooking, cleaning and laundry—but most poor people in the U.S. (and globally) are women. We see a few women at the top of corporations and many in the middle, but most women still earn just 77 cents for every dollar a man does in a similar job, even when controlling for education and experience.

In short, although women’s economic power has grown enormously, we often don’t take notice. Why? Because, to date, little of that economic power has translated into social or political influence. We’re earning money, but it still feels like a man’s world. This is especially true in the United States, which lags far behind other nations on global indices of gender equality. Women are 20% of elected officials, 11% of business leaders, just 3 percent of Fortune 500 CEOs, and only minor figures in the media that covers them — “female bylines at major magazines are still outnumbered by seven to one”, write Newsweek’s Jessica Bennett, Jesse Ellison and Sarah Ball.

But all that’s finally starting to change. After decades of building up our earning power, hoarding our economic force, we’re about to spend our capital. Slowly at first, but with increasing speed, women are unleashing their influence on the world. Maybe it’s by having dad pick up the kids, maybe it’s by making a microloan to a woman half a world away, but gradually, small changes are accumulating, like a thousand water drops seeping, creeping, eroding a mighty mountain. Together, we’re reshaping our world from a man’s world to, eventually, a partnership society that, one day, will work as well for women as men.

My co-author, Christine Larson, and I started following those changes in our book INFLUENCE: How Women’s Soaring Economic Power Will Transform Our World for the Better, which Hyperion publishes this May. But things are changing far faster than any book can follow, especially given the long lead time of the publishing industry.

So, we’re going to track those changes here, minute by minute, showing how women are starting to use their influence to change the world.

Please help me. I want to know how you’re using your economic influence—to educate your daughter, to reinvent the division of labor in your house or at your company, to help other people around the world.

If you get a high-ranking job with a big, prestigious firm, and a salary that’s many times the national norm, will that make you happy?

I had a job like that. Right after completing my MBA at UC Berkeley, I felt so proud of myself to land a job in management consulting with Andersen Consulting, which is now Accenture (no, not Arthur Andersen, the former parent company who was ruined by the Enron scandal). My post-MBA salary was almost five times higher than my pre-MBA salary, so I was elated. Not that I’d planned to become a management consultant when I went to business school. I either thought I’d go into international trade (I’d started off in a dual-degree program with an MA in Asian Studies that I ultimately dropped) or human resources (I’d come from the world of corporate training and still wanted to develop shiny, happy employees).

So, here’s the thing: Despite Accenture’s big brand name, the name dropping I would do of Fortune 500 clients, being able to tell my friends that I knew the CEO of such-and-such a company, earning elite flyer status with all the miles I accumulated on multiple airlines, and my super-smart colleagues…I was MISERABLE.

I had to hide how much I hated the long hours, because we were supposed to brag about those, like a badge of courage. I never told anyone that I thought the work was boring, and I promptly stopped telling people that I was eager to teach my clients how to do the kind of analysis I was doing for them, because I discovered that we actually profited when clients hired us back for multiple engagements. I was interested in building personal relationships, so I was disappointed when I was placed on a new project every two to three months, and just started to feel like a cog in a wheel. Maybe it was an important wheel.

When I’d consider quitting, friends would say, “But you make so much money! How can you even think of leaving?” I kept telling myself, “You’re lucky to have a job like this! It was so competitive to get in! And you made it! Why would you leave? Keep up this work and you’re on track to make partner, and then you’ll be making MILLIONS!”

It wasn’t until after I collapsed, yes, literally fell backwards, right in front of clients during a meeting, totally spent from exhaustion and killer headaches, that I decided I really needed to leave that job. But oooh, that seductive money.

For me, I’ve discovered that living more simply has given me more freedom over how I manage my time. I love being a coach and setting my own hours. I only work Tuesday to Thursday, for example. In management consulting, I was always answering to the firm. If they wanted me in Detroit the next day, then I’d be packing my bags. (Luckily, I didn’t have to go to Detroit, but I did get a call on a Sunday night to be in Seattle the next day, and my raincoat was at the dry cleaners. How lucky — it didn’t rain that week!)

But that’s me. I’m wondering about you and others. So I started poking around, wondering…does money bring happiness?

Gretchen Rubin, who wrote the book The Happiness Project, says that a LACK of money CAN bring unhappiness. If you’re reading this, you’re probably doing well enough that you’re not living on the street. Rubin reminds us that if we’re not feeling good about money, we can count our blessings, get distracted doing something fun or interesting; find ways to assert control over your situation (even small things like cleaning out a closet); spending time with friends; or do something to help someone else.

In a recent blog post for the Huffington Post, she says that whether money will make you happen depends on a few things:

* What kind of person you are: What do you want to own? Do you have kids or dependent parents? Do you have expensive hobbies? Do you like to travel? These circumstances and choices will impact your feelings around money.

* How you spend your money: Consider which of your purchases over the last year has brought you the most happiness. What if you make choices bearing in mind your happiness? Would you prefer to have a big-screen TV that lets you sit around and watch movies with friends, or would you get more happiness out of a membership at a gym, where you can meet people, get fit, and feel great? The gym membership might actually cost less and give you greater long-term satisfaction.

* How much money you have relative to the people around you, and relative to your own experience: We’re social creatures, prone to compare ourselves with others. While that’s not ideal, perhaps it’s hard to shift that. But if you can, be grateful for what you do have, as that will at least put you in a good mood, instead of focusing on what you don’t have.

I’m also fascinated with this study that Rubin cites. Let me ask it to you as a question:

Which do you prefer?

Choice one: A job where you’re paid $30,000 in Year 1 $40,000 in Year 2, and $50,000 in Year 3

OR

Choice two: A job that pays $60,000 in Year 1, then $50,000 in Year 2 and then $40,000 in Year 3?

Most people prefer Choice 1, with its raises. But, at the end of the three years, you would have earned only $120,000 instead of $150,000, with Choice 2, which actually offers $30,000 more in compensation! Interesting how caught up most of us are in getting more, more, more, especially in money, which is measurable. But happiness? More elusive.

Another tidbit to consider, from Rob Baedeker, writing for SFGate:  If you live in the San Francisco Bay Area, the median income is $50,000 a year. Last year, Oracle CEO Larry Ellison made $84.5 million dollars. Larry Ellison’s compensation was 1690 times more than the average person in the Bay Area. Did he work that many times more than you? Obviously not! Is he that many times happier than you? Hmm…almost certainly not.

So what does income mean in terms of personal satisfaction?

Jean Chatzky, the financial editor for NBC’s “Today Show,” tells us that the amount of money required to “live comfortably” varies by region. She surveyed Americans’ attitudes about money and found that “once you’ve got enough to put food on the table, gas in the car, go out to movies occasionally and go on the occasional vacation, more money doesn’t make you happier.” The point of diminishing happiness returns she found was about $60,000 per household, annually.

Baedeker also cites research by called Justin Wolfers, associate professor of business and public policy at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School of Business, who says “If you look for evidence that there’s some level above which money is unrelated to happiness, you simply can’t find it. Using American data, [from sources such as Gallup polls], it’s true that people earning $50,000 are happier than those earning $25,000, people earning $100,000 are happier than those earning $50,000, and people earning $200,000 are happier than those earning $100,000.”

He explains what he and his Wharton colleague, Betsy Stevenson have found: “It’s what we call a linear log relationship,” What does this mean?  “At any point in the income scale, a 10 percent rise in income buys the same rise in happiness.”

And the Wharton professors have found this formula holds cross-nationally, too. “A 10 percent rise in income for someone in Burundi buys about the same change in happiness as a 10 percent rise for people in the U.S.,” says Wolfers. “That’s the sense in which we say there’s no evidence of satiation. There’s no evidence of it running out at income level whatsoever.”

So, maybe there’s no way to find long-term satisfaction with money. We’ll always want more. So, all the more reason to focus on maximizing your ROLE, your Return on Life Energy. Put your time and energy into what you love. Then, at least you control the interest you get back. You get to feel the appreciation, including self-appreciation.

Celebrating your infinite investments in yourself,

Susan

Can you ever go back to a career from your past?

Sometimes, people wonder, “If I change jobs, and I hate the new one, can I go back to an old one?” You know what? I rarely find that people do that.

Unless they loved that work.

In this case, it’s happened.

Here’s the story of one of my current clients, who is approaching a seemingly “old” job with new gusto. Lucy Armentrout came to me after working as a realtor, city planner, a consultant on Bay Area multi-unit residential development projects, a property manager, an investor, and a  project manager. That last gig really got to her. She was working on contract, and was treated with a great deal of disrepect. But she also felt like her talents were being underutilized.

In our exploration together, Lucy got really clear that she loved being around houses. She loved seeing the insides and the possibilities. To her, homes are expressions of lifestyles, and havens to relax in. In an unusual turn of events, she decided to return to being a realtor. She had recently become certified as a LEED Accredited Professional (the national standard for “green” building design and construction), and initially felt a bit obligated to use that certification as her primary calling card. How many of us have invested in a degree and forced ourselves to use that knowledge, even if it doesn’t feel like a fit? I certainly did that with my MBA, forcing myself into management consulting because “it’s what you do next after an MBA, if you don’t go into investment banking.” Hah! That was torturous.

Lucy rightly sensed that “making” herself use the LEED certification was pushing into a direction that didn’t fit.

She recognized that she could be a realtor and use her LEED certification, a fantastic combination. As we delved into her past, we saw that Lucy’s breadth of experience in the real estate industry enables her to quickly identify and understand the key issues in clients’ listings or sale transactions, so that she can guide them in making sound strategic and tactical decisions.

As we’ve moved forward together, Lucy’s been tapping into my assistance for emerging entrepreneurs to ensure she is a huge success in her new/old career!

FYI: Many of you may not know that I’ve helped over 40% of my clients to launch businesses…from real estate to HR consulting to non-profits. I love helping emerging entrepreneurs to bring ideas to life, and I’ll be highlighting more of those success stories in future blog post.

Here’s to careers that truly fit!

Susan