Work From Within - Newsletter

February, 2006 Newsletter

Can You Be Yourself at Work?

One of the major reasons that clients seek out a career coach is that they feel a disconnect between the way they are at work and the way they are in the their personal lives.

Many people want to be able to build emotional connections with co-workers and relate to clients, colleagues and managers in a personal way. Not necessarily knowing every detail about others, but having meaningful contact.

"Emotional labor" is the term that UC Berkeley sociologist Arlie Hochschild coined to explain the effort required to "fake it" at work. And, she's shown that when we have to expend a lot of emotional labor, we can feel stressed out.

Some companies say they care about interpersonal skills, but do not act this way. They may focus on speed, profitability, and other achievements, to the exclusion of building relationships.

Can you be yourself at work? Take the test...

Ask yourself these questions:

Do you feel you have to important aspects of yourself at work?
At work, are you penalized for being expressive or acting "nice"?
Do you get home from work and find it hard to shake off your work personality?
Do you express your feelings (as opposed to worrying about being seen as emotional)?
Do you feel significantly "different" than others at work?
Do you often worry about making the right impression in your organization?
Do you often feel like you are playing a role (as opposed to being free to show who you really are)?
Do you wish for a kinder, more caring work environment?

Results: If you answered "yes" to four or more questions, you are probably having to do a lot of "emotional labor" by acting in a way that is not in alignment with your true self. This can be very stressful. It's very likely time to make some changes.

Ask yourself if your responses are due to your employer's expectations or because you're worried about expressing your personal style at work.

If you are trying to meet your employer's expectations, think about what you can do to make your workplace a better match, such as talking to your manager or starting a task force to examine organizational norms and expectations. You also may need to consider quitting. Many other employers can appreciate your style. Life is too short to spend so much of it pretending to be someone you aren't.

If you're holding back your true personality at work, keep a journal and record the times you don't express what you're thinking or feeling. Can you risk acting differently? Identify how you might do that, and practice by using one new behavior daily until it comes naturally.

If you find that you are not being fully yourself at work, this is also a great time to consider career coaching. I invite you to contact me for a complimentary 30 minute "get acquainted" session. You can also feel free to call or drop me an email to discuss Work from Within career coaching.

Career Coaching Success Story

What do you do when you've published a book that's not moving, and you had hoped it would boost your career?

That was the challenge that Chance Massaro and Steve Wallis faced when the two authors came to me for coaching. They have a huge wealth of knowledge and skills that can help people to learn more quickly and creatively.

I our coaching, I asked each of them to talk about how they envisioned using the book in their work. They spoke of inspiring people who were feeling stuck or frustrated about dealing with information overload at work.

But when we looked at the book, it fell short in helping Chance and Steve to create the work they love, and didn't quite meet the needs of their readers.

So, how did they get back on track and enjoy success?

Here's what Chance and Steve said:

"On the recommendation of a friend, we went to see career coach Susan Bernstein of Work from Within. We were impressed with her professionalism and her energy. We also resonated with her working style. Rather than talk down to us and tell us what we “should” do, Susan asked questions and walked us through a process so that we would find our own best answers. She also provided lots of useful tips along the way, such as insights into web design and basic marketing techniques.

Our key learning was that we were unfocussed in our efforts. We were trying to be everything to everybody – and that just doesn’t work. Creating a new plan, we wrote a new book, Easy Genius at Work: Awakening Your Whole Brain to Succeed in Business. Now, we are focusing our marketing efforts on the area we know best - the business community. With the focus that Susan helped us to find, we expect to have more success here where we can apply our book to helping organizations with succession planning, and supporting their rising stars. We still have dreams that everyone will use Easy Genius, but for now, we are reaching to fulfill one dream at a time."

Congratulations, Chance and Steve -- you are genuises, and it's great that you are helping others to be, too!

Practice Being True to Yourself

If you are striving for greater alignment between who you are at work, and who you are in your personal life, this column offers you some strategies to create that authenticity.

STEP ONE: Begin to notice those moments when you feel most "like yourself." For you, that might happen in nature, with friends, when you are doing a hobby. We'll call these moments "authentic times."

STEP TWO: Begin to notice those moments when you really don't feel at all like yourself -- where you feel like an imposter, a fake, or as though you are wearing a mask. That might happen in a business meeting, with people you dislike, in a situation that compromises your values. We'll call these moments "inauthentic times."

STEP THREE: Notice the contrast. See if you can pay attention, in both "authentic times" and "inauthentic times." Grab some paper and jot some quick responses to these questions:

What activity are you doing?
Who are you with?
Where are you?
What do you tell yourself about this situation?
How do you feel, physically?
What tension, temperature, or movement do you experience in your body?

STEP FOUR: Now, when you notice yourself going into an "inauthentic moment," see if you can shift your body awareness to the way you tend to feel during an "authentic movement."

What needs to shift in your body?
How does this affect your mind -- what you tell yourself?
How does this affect your feelings -- your emotional state?
What do you really want to say or do?

If it is "safe" to take a risk and say or do something differently than you normally would, start with small risks, and start to take larger and larger and larger risks. Perhaps this will encourage you to make meaningful changes in your work. Or, maybe you will decide you need to make a bigger change, to some new kind of work.

If you decide you want assistance in finding new work, or a whole new way of working that feels more authentic, I encourage you to sign up for a free 30-minute "get acquainted" session to talk about your situation. I'll respond with some coaching ideas, and we can discuss how a career coaching relationship might benefit you and help you to find greater alignment between what's important to you and the kind of work you are doing.

I welcome the chance to assist you in experiencing greater authenticity in your working life!