I have a confession.

I’ve been a stress case.

That’s hard to admit. Especially since I work with people to help them come alive at work. I do love coaching people, on a one on one basis, about their work. And I’ve been feeling more and more confident about my ability to help people truly light up at work. My head and heart both trust the effectiveness and transformational value of  the unique ways that I help people to conceive of work that fits them. So now, I’m quite hungry to expand my reach and impact so I can touch more people. That has meant teaching more group programs, writing, speaking in as many venues as possible, and influencing larger groups. Doing all these new activities has involved learning how to use webinar software, getting on the phone to talk to organizations and businesses about helping them, discovering how I can best describe what Work from Within is all about, and generally stepping out in the world in a much bigger way. Most of the time, learning these new skills and approaches to marketing Work from Within and my philosophies and practices has been fun. But it’s time consuming, and I’m prone to rush myself and demand results (dare I say, money) rather quickly. I’ve been impatient for success. I want it on my timeline, darn it!

All this effort lead me from stress toward burnout. I started recognizing the shift from becoming angry and frustrated at my circumstances to feeling resigned. For example, I would try to learn how to use webinar software, and somehow I’d lose my participants into the Internet ether (oops!). I’d feel enraged at the software and embarrassed at not being a perfect presenter. Then the nasty voice of Little Miss Perfect would scream in my head, and I’d berate myself for not getting familiar enough with the tools I needed to make the webinar hum along.

Over the course of a few months, I started to think: “I just don’t know what I’m doing. I’m not a celebrity yet, like Oprah or Suze Orman. Who am I to help people learn to come alive at work? I’ve been running Work from Within for five years. So why am I not on TV yet? Why haven’t I written a book, let alone published it? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I should just give up…”

My body began to feel heavy as a boulder, sluggish as a slug, mentally foggy like the June Gloom that hangs over the Pacific Coast, and downright stomp-my-feet-and-shake-my-fist irritable.  I remembered the difference between stress and burnout. Stress is about feeling over engaged and anxious. When you hit burnout, you’re likely to become disengaged, hopeless, and depressed. I was headed for the latter. After weeks and weeks of this experience, a lightbulb went off in my head:  Perhaps my ideas about failing and taking too long to make an impact aren’t true. Maybe I’ve been seeing my circumstances through a distorted lens, a narrow angle.

I resolved to shift my energy. I’m all about maximizing Return On Life Energy (ROLE), so I knew I needed to take action to build up my energy stores. I started with getting checked out by the practitioners at the Acupuncture and Complementary Medicine clinic in Berkeley, because I love that Chinese medicine is all based on life energy (which the Chinese call qi, and which Indians call prana). It’s been a process of replenishing my energy stores. I’ve gone from depletion to stagnation to amplification to expansion. Instead of feeling exhausted and irritable, in the course of six weeks, I’m now feeling mellow, flowing, and full of ease. And filled with gratitude for my life and the beauty in the world, sensing the joy of simple things, like the warmth of the mug of my wild sweet orange tea to the playful chatter of the birds in my magnolia tree.

Something else that helped my renewal, something counterculture:  I decided to follow my body’s instinct for rest. I booked a retreat at one of my favorite places on the planet, the Esalen Institute, on the Big Sur coast (I’ll be teaching a workshop at Esalen from December 5 to 10), with it’s warming sulfur hot springs, the crash of the waves of the Pacific Ocean against high cliffs, and the magical landscape with its rainbow of flowers, stands of gracious trees and cradle of rugged mountains.

To renew myself sense of self, I enrolled in an Esalen workshop with performance artist extraordinaire, Nina Wise, who created a practice called Motion Theater, a form of autobiographical improvisation. To me, learning Motion Theater was like finding self-transformational storytelling. Our group of ten women played theatre games (like forming ourselves into shapes and riffing off each others stories), meditated (in creative ways, including with singing), stretched, danced, and learned to tell our personal stories, rich with detail and grounded in sensory experience. Most importantly, the combination of verbal and non-verbal activities re-started my energy. By immersing myself fully in play and presence, I got back in touch with myself. Hallelujah!

If you find yourself sliding into stress, catch yourself and find your antidote. And if you’re slipping into burnout, or you’ve already landed there, stop pushing yourself. Your body, mind, spirit and emotions are telling you that what you’re doing needs to shift. It’s time to give yourself a break for relaxation, restoration, renewal, rejuvenation.

Based on my week at Esalen, and my personal discoveries, I’d like to share some suggestions for shifting out of stress and burnout and back into your essence, your true self, the quiet internal place that is you, no matter what.  Please feel free to take only what feels good, and trust your intuition to modify any of these ideas so they fit you:

Rest. I can be a work machine. That go-go-go behavior got ingrained in me during my tenure in management consulting, when I sometimes worked 80 to 100 hours a week. These days, I think that’s insane. It’s all push, no pull. In other words, I used to make myself do work, rather than feeling drawn or inspired to do it. When we’re stressed, we often push ourselves hard. But that push, push, shove, move forward, go, go, go energy is only one way of being. You are not a machine. You cannot keep up an unrelenting pace indefinitely. Staying up late, working around the clock, denying yourself breaks…this is a recipe for a breakdown. Instead, give yourself the gift of rest. Of doing nothing. Or doing only those things that are pleasurable. Not just satisfying, but truly nourishing. Make the choice to feed yourself what you truly want, which very well may be peace and quiet.

Relax your efforts. Before taking this retreat, I had been working for months without a break, staying up until 11 or 12 at night to reply to emails, plan a workshop, update my website. So much effort! In physics, effort equals work. But work — as in your career, your livelihood — need not be full of hard effort, at least not all of the time. Notice how hard you are trying, and reduce the effort. Here’s one way to do this: Start by doing something that comes very, very naturally to you. Like walking. Or talking on the phone with a friend. As you’re doing this easy, natural activity, become aware of your body and where you hold tension and tightness. Then, do an activity that you don’t do so easily. Not the hardest thing, but something that you have to pay attention to do, and where perhaps you have less skill. Like for me, that’s riding my bike downhill. I have to concentrate. I’m afraid I’ll fall. I can do it, but I have not yet mastered it. How do you feel, in your body, when you do this activity that you’re still mastering? Where are you tight? Where are you loose? Your clamped jaw, your shoulders that come up near your ears…these are all signs of added effort. What can you say to yourself (like “I’m starting to get the jist of this”), and how can you modify the activity (like doing less of it, or only a portion of it, or slowing it down) and particularly your expectations of yourself (maybe telling yourself “It’s OK to be a beginner, and to make mistakes”), so that you can feel more ease?

Reconnect with people who care about you. I’ve been going to Esalen for nearly a decade now, so in that time, I’ve made a lot of friends there. Having them ask about me, getting to spend time with them, catching up…these are all nurturing. I feel seen and appreciated by people who know me. In times of stress and burnout, we need to have people around us who will support us. Who might you like to have around you to support you? You might call a friend and ask to have an hour to just share what’s happening. You could get some friends together and have a “dump your problems in the garbage” ritual, writing down what’s bugging you, reading your list aloud with feeling and emphasis, and then ripping up your list and throwing it in a collective trash can or fire. Then, make a resolution to do one thing, just one for now, that can make you feel better. And report back to the group when you’ve done it, either in person, by email, or by phone. Connect to yourself by connecting with others who are willing and able to help you regain yourself.

Spend time in nature. The rhythms in nature tend to be so different than our man-made mechanistic rhythms of cars and traffic and TV show and meetings and all the scheduled, pre-planned activities, and the constant onslaught of information. Nature is slower, organic, cycling and shifting. Nature is not like the airbrushed superstars we see in magazines and attempt to emulate. It’s raw and honest, the apple that has been pierced by a worm looking for food, the jagged leaf that’s asymmetrical, the birds that do not fly on a preordained flight plan like airliners but flit from tree to tree as they feel called to explore and as the need arises for food and shelter. Nature reminds us to slow down, to get back in touch with our innate instincts and impulses, to trust the flow of life. Immerse yourself in Nature’s rhythms, and you’re bound to have your own reflected back to you.

Turn down your mind and turn up your innate, embodied impulses. When I’m being very verbal — even if it’s replying email — I’m up in my head. And if you’re anything like me, your head can be a dangerous playground, with the broken carousel of repetitive negative thoughts and the teeter totter of self-talk alternately flinging you between self-aggrandizement and self-deprecation. I often tell people to “take the elevator down,” suggesting that they move from their heads to the rest of their bodies. Give yourself time to explore and play non-verbally. Perhaps you will put on music and just move your body in whatever ways feel good, without thinking of the moves you’ll make. You could shake your body like a ragdoll for a few minutes and shake out the cobwebs. You might slither on the floor like a snake and then roll and ooze. You could move your hands like they are talking, which is an activity Nina Wise suggests in her book,  A Big New Free Happy Unusual Life. Listen to what you need, what feels satisfying, and nurture yourself the way a mother nurtures a baby: with touch, rhythm, and movement.

Open your heart. When we’re stressed our burned out, often we’ve neglected our hearts. We are so hell-bent on achieving success, so determined to do what’s right and good, so focused on making money or getting that promotion…and our hearts are suffering from being left out of the conversation about our needs. Needs? Hah, we think, it’s needy to have needs. No, actually, it’s not. Our heart’s desires deserve our attention. Set aside 10 to 15 minutes. Get quiet and put a hand on your heart. Ask your heart, “what do you need?” Be patient, and listen to the answers. Write them down. Follow the most compassionate or most nourishing replies first, like the ones that tell you “Give yourself a hug.”

In every moment, you can add ease and joy to your life by reducing the effort, doing what feeds you, and reducing the activities and situations that deplete you. Bit by bit, day by day, your practice of minimizing your energy drains and maximizing your energy gains will deliver you into a life and livelihood that works for you. That way of living does not come from being hard and harsh with yourself, but rather from relaxing, restoring, renewing, rejoicing, and rejuvenating, as needed. It’s just what the doctor ordered.

Love from Dr. Bernstein!

Susan

On April 30, I posted a video on YouTube as part of a contest sponsored by Hay House, the publishing house started by Louise Hay, who is especially known for her affirmations and her new book, Experience Your Good Now. Hay House offers a workshop called Movers & Shakers (the next one is coming up in Toronto in September), for people who want to build a multimedia platform to bring your message to the world – like I am doing. The workshop features best-selling author and coach Cheryl Richardson and Hay House CEO Reid Tracy discussing what it really takes to create your message, get it out to the world, and do it with integrity and grace.

One of the most important things I learned at the workshop: This journey to being a mover and a shaker takes patience. That’s important for me, because I’m prone to push, push, push myself and then get discouraged when I don’t get the outcomes I desire. Cheryl didn’t sugar-coat her journey to becoming an award-winning, coach, speaker, and radio host. She told stories of her frustrations and fears, as well as her triumphs. This balanced approach helped me to put my own experiences into a more positive light. I also made some fantastic new friends as a result of the workshop, and that alone was worth the price of admission!

Well, let me get the the big story:  I  am thrilled to have been selected as one of two Movers & Shakers from the March, 2010 Movers & Shakers workshop in San Francisco. The other winner is the amazing vocal coach, David Coury. As a winner, David will host a live online event and my prize: I’ll be hosting a radio show with Hay House Radio in the Fall.

Being selected to host the radio show is truly a dream come true. As a kid, I used to imagine that when I grew up, I could be like Lucy on Peanuts, and have my sign with “The Doctor Is In.” I envisioned people coming to me with their problems, but everyday issues, rather than issues of massive depression and overwhelming anxiety and the like (we all experience those at times).

My favorite times as a coach are when people come to me with thorny career issues, and I help them break through their own barriers. It’s gratifying to watch them embrace positive next steps in high-speed yet heartfelt fashion. That doesn’t always mean a “quick fix,” but it does mean rapid relief and the intention to lead with heart, and let the mind serve the heart, rather than the other way around. So, all in all, I’m very much looking forward to hosting the radio show and taking your calls about crafting your career in a way that maximizes your ROLE, your Return On Life Energy.

I invite you to watch my video entry, and also to watch some of the other San Francisco entries to the Hay House contest, as well. Many of them have important messages from other Movers and Shakers.

I would love for my good news to prompt YOU to take positive action to maximize your ROLE. So let me ask you a question: What is it that you’ve been wanting to do for a long time, but haven’t started on? Something that you dream about, that really lights you up? Instead of trying to figure out the path to getting there, I want to suggest something daring:  Let your head go! Yep, stop spinning in your mind about the “right” thing to do. Quit trying to plan step #38.

Instead, listen to your heart. Ask your heart” What’s one small, small step that I could take toward my dream?” Give yourself a dose of love, and then listen with compassion to what your heart tells you. Perhaps it’s signing up for a class. Maybe you’ll want to call a friend for support. Possibly it’s writing your dream in a journal and seeing what new information emerges. These are just a few suggestions. You’ve got your own wisdom within you. So, “work from within,” and listen inside yourself for your own next step, the next place to dip a toe in the water, to take a leap of faith, to run after what you desire, to reach for what you want.

As I see it, dreams are your spirit’s way of communicating what you truly desire. Don’t discount them. Ever! Nurture and feed them, which means shining the light of loving care on yourself. This is part of the journey of being a Mover & Shaker.

Here’s to your dreams!

Susan

A poem touched me so deeply last week, sent by my friend, the amazing massage therapist Hana Levin, who runs Melt Massage in Oakland, California. Her gifted hands can massage you for up to four hours! Can you imagine a four-hour massage?

To me, these words are a reminder to be easy and compassionate with yourself. In our push, push, push world, sometimes that thrusting forward motion just grows tiresome. Recently, I found myself utterly exhausted, empty of energy. I realized that like everyone else, I am vulnerable to overdoing it. These wise words helped give me permission to take it easy, to rest and renew.

So let me pass along this beautiful poem. May it uplift and inspire you…

If You Would Grow – Shine The Light Of Loving Self-Care On Yourself

If you would grow to your best self
Be patient, not demanding
Accepting, not condemning
Nurturing, not withholding
Self-marveling, not belittling
Gently guiding, not pushing and punishing
For you are more sensitive than you know
Mankind is as tough as war yet delicate as flowers
We can endure agonies but we open fully only to warmth and light
And our need to grow is as fragile as a fragrance Dispersed by storms of will
To return only when those storms are still
So, accept, respect, attend your sensitivity
A flower cannot be opened with a hammer.
- Daniel F. Mead

Keep shining the light of loving self-care on yourself!

Susan

Today, I’m pleased to share a guest post from my friend and colleague, Lisa Brookes Kift. Lisa is a psychotherapist, writer and creator of The Toolbox at LisaKiftTherapy.com. She provides tools and resources for marriage, relationship and emotional health.  She is the author of the Therapy-At-Home Workbooks® series for individuals and couples, offering a cost effective, do-it-yourself, therapist-guided alternative to counseling for some issues.

Like me, Lisa left a high-stress, seemingly high-prestige job that left her drained. Both of us have chosen to pursue working with people in a more caring, supportive way. Based on her rich life experience, Lisa brings a sensibility about how work can impact the rest of our lives. In this blog post, Lisa helps us to think about our emotions, which are vital signs to let us know how much our work aligns — or misaligns — with what we truly seek to create in our lives. I trust you will benefit from her wise words.

When you think of the term “emotional health,” what comes up for you?  There are numerous components to one’s “emotional health” and though many are the same for most people, the reality is there is a special cocktail that resonates with each of us individually – and is unique to us.

My own life experience and the experiences of many of my previous therapy clients has demonstrated to me that career choice is one important element to emotional health for many of us.  I know it sure is for me.

I used to work in the “glitzy” and “glamorous” world of movie and television production; with well known actors, directors and on films and TV shows you’ve likely heard of.  As much as I initially thought this was the dream career for me, it wasn’t.  In fact, it became evident that I was missing out on lot of life and my relationships suffered as a result of the long, unpredictable hours, weeks spent out of town on location and general chaos that was my life when on a show.  This ultimately started not only to emotionally and physically take a toll but it hurt my soul in such a way that I decided to leave, go back to school and train to become a therapist.

Career discontentment can be very stressful, whether it be about doing a job that has no meaning, is a toxic environment, or is simply against your grain.

Here are a few signs that you might be in a career that is leading to unhappiness:

• Work avoidance.
• Excessive worry about work.
• Increase in illness or physical pains with no medical explanation.
• Defensiveness and frustration.
• Substance abuse.
• Bad mood impacting family life / relationships.

The great thing about career discontentment, as uncomfortable as it is, is that it has the potential to help drive you forward to do something different, to search for meaning and satisfaction elsewhere.  If you can break through the fear of it – and are able to logistically pull it off – then career reflection and possible direction shift can be an important step toward your emotional health.

When I made my big career move it was a mentor who helped me to understand this was possible and helped me explore and challenge my fears around it.  The person for me happened to be a therapist but there are other mentor-type people (like Dr. Susan Bernstein) who can assist you with dissecting the various layers unique to you in contemplating “what next?” if you’re at a career crossroads.  Perhaps members of your support system can help you.  Maybe a therapist can assist you in finding clarity on the issue like mine did for me.  Whatever method you choose, it’s in the best interest of your emotional health – and in some cases, physical health and relationship health - to do so if possible.

It’s human nature to seek happiness, fulfillment, emotional and relationship health.  I am grateful for having the ability to do such a significant career change as I realize not everyone can easily manage this.  I am passionate about my job of psychotherapist and there is no question that I’m doing work that is for in line with who I am internally.  It feels great!

I’ve had it!

I can’t try to be perfect anymore.

Here’s what happened:  I posted a video for a contest. I initially felt good about my creation. But those feelings of satisfaction with my creation didn’t last long. I started comparing myself to others who had entered the contest. I was driving myself — and a few friends — nutty with the search for flaws, rather than the search for what went well. Although I know better than to beat myself up, it was like I became ultra-focused, addicted even, to seeking out the so-so, rather than praising what worked. And, of course, this focus on the negative left me feeling small, drained, and downright depressed.

I’m done.

I’m fed up with being a perfectionist. I do the “perfectionizing” to myself, so I have no one else to blame. Not even the people who like to point out my flaws.

Today, I officially announce that I’m an “im-perfectionist.” I’m choosing to live in imperfection. That doesn’t mean that I’ll settle for crappy quality, or that I’ll do a so-so job on any project or for any client.

If you’re exhausted by the endless mental chatter of “I could’ve done better,” or “Why didn’t I get this right?” or “Someone else always seems to have just a little edge on me,” I invite you, too, to drop this intense self-flagellation. It’s time to become an im-perfectionist.

I’m sharing this insight to make a point about the stranglehold that perfectionism can have. You see, with the help of a friend, I had happily made a video for Hay House, as part of a Movers & Shakers contest to win either a four week radio show or a live online event. I adore Hay House and their authors like Dr. Wayne Dyer, Cheryl Richardson, and Caroline Myss. I care deeply about helping people to coming alive at work and and about “maximizing your ROLE, your Return on Life Energy.” It would be such an honor to get to share my messages with the Hay House audience, to inform, inspire, and educate them so they can transform their work so it truly fits.

I posted my video on April 30, and felt really proud. Hey, that was a full day before the May 1 deadline. I liked how I looked. I liked the message. Sure,  I had other ideas I wanted to include. But, wow, it’s an improvement over the few videos I’ve ever made. I played the video a few times, then sent the link to friends and family to get their reaction. They were mostly positive, with a few suggestions here and there.

Those suggestions got me nervous. I started thinking about what I could’ve done better. Like telling more of my story of career change. Or shortening the introduction. Or telling people that this message is important whether you want to stay in your job, change jobs, or you’re out of work. I started to not feel so good. Not so proud. I started to see all the problems, not all the passion and promise that I poured into the message originally.

My wanderings into perfectionistic torture made me do something downright dumb. I went to YouTube and started looking at the other contestants’ entries. And one in particular stopped me in my tracks. That person looked better than me. Showed better graphics than mine. Told better stories. Looked more polished…

I agonized. I cried. I wished I’d done so many of the things that this contestant had done. I felt like a failure.

And then I realized I didn’t need to do this to myself. You know the saying that “hindsight is 20/20 vision?” Well, sure, if I’d known all of these things, I might have created my video differently. But you know what? I did the best I could in the moment. And that was perfect. And in the next moment, as soon as I looked at anything else, my creation would look like a mess. If I let it. And then I’d deny myself the chance to learn.

More importantly, I’d deny myself the chance to celebrate what I had accomplished. I entered a contest. I made myself vulnerable. I shared a message that really matters to me in a very public way. I poured my heart and soul into a creation. I asked for help and got it from a friend who taped me and set the lights and helped me to edit the video.

I’ve decided that it’s important to allow for (seeming) im-perfection. That it’s more important to stretch and grow and try than to stay stuck or worried. I realized that if I want to grow and do bigger and better things, I’m going to naturally bump into what I could do better. Hmm, I believe that’s called learning. That’s true learning, in the moment, as opposed to what we do in the classroom, where we’re graded, and we either get the answer right…or wrong. It’s just not that binary when we’re out of school. The school of life is about being an im-perfectionist, of allowing what we create in the moment to be just perfect as it is.

What is an im-perfectionist?

• Someone who chooses to do his or her best, and who revels in what does work, not what doesn’t work
• Someone chooses to stop negative mental chatter that somehow naturally arises (it seems to be part of our culture to be critics)
• Someone who is compassionate with him/or herself
• Someone who chooses to learn from others’ examples, rather than playing a nasty game of comparison
• Someone who choose to believe that as long as you do your best, that’s perfect for now, and, actually, it’s perfect for forever

Sound good to you to be an im-perfectionist? So, will you join me in being an im-perfectionist? I hope you’ll share your story of embracing imperfection. I trust it will be, ironically, perfect!

Imperfectly yours,

Susan

Do you ever dream of having your own radio talk show?

Well, I confess, that’s one of my dreams. I’d have a call-in show on a big radio station. I’d listen to people’s problems about wanting better work, about dealing with stress on the job, about figuring out how to make important work-related decisions, and about how to project more confidence to colleagues and clients. Gosh, that would be so much fun, to help people, one-by-one,  shape their success. At work, we often lack guidance for how to be ourselves and have an impact in the world. People might call me the “Suze Orman of Careers,” although I find her a bit grating. I’d have more of a dose of my smiling high energy, like the woman I resembled in the 1980s, gymnast Mary Lou Retton. Well, maybe a little less cute. A bit smarter. I do have an MBA and a PhD, after all.

Well, I’m moving in that direction, creating plans for a radio show down the line. Sure, I could create one right now, on a channel like Blog Talk Radio, on which I’ve been a guest. However, my aspirations are bigger. XM Radio or Sirius, or maybe CBS. And TV? That would be great, too.

For now, I want to give you the best of me, Dr. Susan, through my blog and website. It’s a great way to get myself ready for a radio show. Besides, I get asked tons of career-related questions every week, and I realize how often I want to share the advice I give one person with a whole bunch of people.

So, I’m excited to welcome you to use the Work from Within blog to ask YOUR questions. And I can answer them. My intention is to respond to at least one question weekly, and be as helpful as I can, sharing what it means to “work from within,” and helping you to achieve the calm, clarity, and confidence that’s possible when you listen to and trust your embodied intelligence.

Do you want to ask a question? Go ahead!  Here’s the link:  http://www.workfromwithin.com/resources/askdrsusanthanks/

C’mon, Ask Dr. Susan! I promise to be kind, supportive, and upbeat. I’d love to read your questions…and, of course, answer them.

Last night, I went to the gym. I almost didn’t feel like I had a choice. The non-stop rain here in the Bay Area is getting to my mood. Sorry, but I grew up in the Phoenix area. Still have desert blood in me. So when the clouds hang low, dark, and gloomy, I find it harder to stay upbeat. Getting my endorphins pumping gives me a boost of positive energy for at least 8 hours.

I heard the rain pick up at about 5:40 pm, and knew I needed to dash to my car to make the 6 pm spin class. With no traffic, the drive takes me 10 minutes, but in rush hour, it can be 15, and even 20 with bad weather. So I grabbed my backpack, filled it with biking shorts, a tank top, and a pair of socks, and figured I’d change in the dressing room.

Because the spin room holds only 20 bikes, you have to grab a number if you want a bike. I arrived and grabbed number 20. Whew. I’d made it. I was safe.

I changed my clothes, and then went to grab my running shoes (I still haven’t bought biking shoes, the clip in kind, despite some advice that I’d get more out of the class). “Where are my sneakers?” Hmm…oh…crap!

In my rush to get out of the house, I neglected to bring appropriate shoes. No, I was not going to try to bike in a pair of knee-high boots. Argh! My blood pressure started to rise. Just then, my friend Catherine walked up. She was leaving the gym. She wondered why I looked so steamed. I had not been in the sauna — the flush on my face was the tell-tale sign of anger. Catherine told me she would have given me her running shoes to wear, but she had been swimming and didn’t have any. I laughed at the thought. My shoe size is 4 1/2, but I can wear a 5. Hers is 8. Hmmm….

“Hey, why don’t you borrow my shoes?” came a voice moving around the corner. A very gracious woman, Michelene, offered her size 6 Sauconys. “You can cycle in these.” I realized I didn’t need perfect fitting shoes for pedaling, especially with the toe cages on the bike. I couldn’t believe her offer. My feet don’t get that smelly (well, the scent is just perfume to me…yeah, right…), but I was just incredulous. Michelene was firm and supportive, “I know how hard it is to not work out. Please, borrow these. You can leave them at the front desk and I’ll get them tomorrow night.”

“Wow, wow, thank you. OK, yes, having some shoes for the bike would let me get my sanity back. What can I do to thank you?” I asked.

“Just pay it forward.”

I think I had the most idyllic spin class, ever. I was high as a kite, fueled by the generosity of a stranger. I joined my gym because I found it more like a community, not just a place to sweat. Michelene proved to me that community works. She must know something about being a team player. I asked her for her business card so I could be in touch and thank her, and it turns out that she’s the Director of Sales & Finance for Parties That Cook. I was floored. I know about her amazing company. One of my clients has been dabbling in culinary explorations, and I suggested she check out Parties That Cook, which puts on corporate team building cooking events — they cook up camaraderie!

But I digress.

When I finished the spin class, I changed clothes and went to the front desk, “I have a very important favor to ask of you,” I told Julie, the assistant who manages the guests. After conveying what had happened, and how important that it was that the shoes stay at the front desk until Michelene picked them up, rather than going to the lost and found bin. Julie beamed and said, “You made my day with that story. I’ll call Michelene and let her know, right now, that her shoes are safe. That’s so generous of her. Wow, that’s really incredible.”

I know. I feel it in every bone in my body, every inch of my tissue. My heart is uplifted and is pumping much more smoothly. My head is clear.

Thank you, Michelene, for your kind spirit. You made my day.

Yes, I’ll happily pay it forward. And remind my dear readers to do so, too.

Hoping you’ll help someone else step up and make their best moves,
Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com

Since 2001, I have been relaxing and unwinding from the tensions of life by listening to the ocean and studying with great teachers at the Esalen Institute, in Big Sur, California. I had to overcome a lot of resistance and false beliefs to allow myself to visit this place that now feels like a second home for me, an inviting oasis of calm and renewal.

You see, back in the mid-1990’s, I was running around as a management consultant, flying around on airplanes like in Up in the Air, living in hotel rooms, and spending too many days in in stress-filled board meetings. During that time, I first heard of Esalen. I honestly thought it was some kind of woo-woo New Agey place, filled with people wearing tie-dyed clothes and Birkenstocks. I was scared that the people who attended this place would be hippy-dippy dropouts from life.

I was wrong. When I finally went to Esalen for my first time, at the suggestion of a dear friend and fellow management consultant, I was delighted. I was recovering from a broken marriage, poor health, a family misfortune, and the demise of the dot-com where I had worked. All that trauma happened in five weeks, and I needed a break. Esalen offers all kinds of workshops, on topics from relationships to psychology to movement, arts, and creative expression. And the setting!  Dramatically situated on the cliffs of the Pacific Ocean in scenic Big Sur, California, it offers mountains, ocean, and pure, clean air, given that it is pretty remote from any big cities. The closest major cities are Monterey and Carmel, about an hour’s drive north. This means that you enjoy a super quiet escape in nature.

Flash forward nearly nine years. After being a participant in over 12 workshops in the span of nearly nine years, I am honored to be teaching a workshop at Esalen this January, — it’s called “Crafting Careers That Truly Fit – How to Work from Within“. If you happen to be at a career crossroads, wondering “what should I do next in my career?” this just may be the workshop for you.

From January 15-17, 2010, you can join me at the gorgeous Esalen Institute, and in this interactive workshop, you will

• Illuminate what’s important in your future career
• Replace ill-fitting social norms about “work” with visions of what you truly desire
• Brainstorm ways to create meaningful work
• Get clear about your next steps to pursue work that truly fits you.

I  have a special GIFT for you! I’m thrilled to offer this workshop – and to offer a special gift to you if you register for the workshop by the end of 2009.  I’m including a 50-minute phone coaching session with me after the workshop, plus a deck of “Get A Move On!” cards.  You can get more details on this special gift here.

If you are craving clarity about what’s next in your career, and you want to get back in touch with yourself and craft work that truly fits you, then, I’d love to have you join us in beautiful Big Sur for this workshop.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions about the workshop, and I’ll be happy to help you see if it’s a fit for you.

Here’s to careers that fit!

Dr. Susan Bernstein
Life/Work Transition Expert
www.WorkFromWithin.com

Are you the kind of person who likes to start the New Year off making resolutions? Even if you’re not, you may be thinking, “You know, it’s time for me to get out of this crappy job and find something much, much better. You deserve it. If you’re feeling burned out or frustrated with your work, and you’re craving more meaning and fulfillment, it’s clearly time for a change.

But how do you actually make that career (and life) change?

Over and over again, people tell me, “I’ve taken career assessments (like Myers-Briggs) and I’ve done the exercises in What Color is Your Parachute? but I’m still stuck. I can’t seem to get moving!” Typically, they feel like something’s wrong with them. But that’s not it.

It can be hard to get moving when you feel stuck in your work. I know. I’ve been there. After my first year in management consulting, I knew it wasn’t for me. But it took me another four years to leave. I didn’t trust my instincts. I thought I was a wimp if I left — damnit I was going to muscle it out and stay, to prove myself to my colleagues. I wanted to show them that I was as good as them, as smart as them. In retrospect, that all sounds silly. But at the time, I was focused on how much effort I had put into getting into the job, including earning an MBA. I was “addicted” to the salary, the prestige, and even the frequent flyer miles (which were nearly impossible to use, because I had so little time to myself). Doing work that I was good at — but never really loved — well, I’d become an expert at that. Numbing myself out was so much second nature that I grew to expect the pounding migraines that seemed to come with working 80 to 100 hours a week.

When you do work that doesn’t fit for you, when you have to morph your true self to go to work every day…this takes a toll. You lose touch with yourself. You know you need to get out of the toxic environment, but you can’t seem to figure out what you want to do next. Or, if you know what you want to do next, you worry that you’ll never find or, or that you’ll wind up penniless or poor doing it.

So, let me share the good news!  If it’s time for a career change, and you can’t seem to get started, or you can’t seem to get clear on what’s next, there’s a way for you to get back in touch with yourself. And, you can do it in a gorgeous, relaxing setting, with an expert facilitator of transition, me, Dr. Susan Bernstein. OK, so I’m not exactly being humble here! And, you can get a special benefit just for reading this blog post.

January 15 – 17, 2010, just after the New Year, and just before the Martin Luther King holiday, I invite you to join me for “Creating Work That Truly Fits for You: How to Work from Within” at the Esalen Institute in Big Sur California. You really can plan your career future in a hot tub on the Pacific Ocean. OK, well, the workshop itself isn’t taught in the hot tubs, but you can visit the tubs between workshop sessions, and you can also eat delicious food, take morning movement classes that will truly wake you up, and you can indulge in massage as an added bonus.

And, to sweeten the experience, if you register for the workshop before January 1, 2010, I’m offering you a free 50-minute coaching session that you can use by February 28, 2010, PLUS a deck of the Get A Move On! cards I created, to help you get unstuck. That’s over $250 worth of bonuses! 

All you need to do to get that benefit is to email a note to tell me that you’ve paid for the workshop through the Esalen Institute. Drop a  me a note at info @ workfromwithin.com by December 31 to get this wonderful bonus.  To register for the workshop, simply go to this link for workshop details, and you can either register online, or you can can call the Esalen Institute at 831-667-3000 from 9 am – 7 pm Pacific Time Monday through Friday, or 9 am to 5 pm Saturday & Sunday. Or click here for more contact information at Esalen.

I’d LOVE to help you get clear about your future career. Imagine how great you’ll feel If you have questions about the workshop, please feel free to contact me.  I’d love to welcome you to the workshop and help you get clear. And, it would be great to sit in the hot tubs and chat with you during the breaks. What better, more relaxing, inspiring way to start your new year with a new, uplifting direction for your career and life?

So, sign up for the workshop NOW, and get your FREE 50-minute coaching session with me AND a deck of the Get A Move On! cards. Remember, you only have until December 31 to get this benefit, so call Esalen now at 831-667-3000 and register!  See you there!

Today, I heard from a new client who recently left a very stressful job, one that didn’t fit him too well. I’m writing about him because he’s a bit unique, in that he did a few things that are considered taboo:

(1) He left one job without another one lined up

(2) He didn’t immediately start looking for his next job — instead he first took a “pause.”

As I see it, this man is very wise. He took some time to relax, go to a beach, and unwind before embarking on the journey of creating work that truly fits for him.

He’s also counter-culture.  Why is he counter culture? continue